Overcoming the Urge to Judge
Court is no longer in session.
I like to start my day with a strong cup of coffee and a few spiritual readings. I can’t read without the coffee, and I can’t think without the readings.
I started the practice during my time in the recovery movement when I learned how selfish and self-centered I can be. Turning my attention to spiritual themes gets my mind off me and refocuses it on selfless ideas. I think of it as a cure for self.
Recently, a reading from Marianne Williamson’s book, A Year of Miracles, ended with the following sentence, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
I will discern, but I will not judge.
This was one of those times when my intuition kicked in and demanded my attention. I knew I would have to explore further.
Defining terms.
The word discern is one I knew but couldn’t adequately explain if asked. (In other words, I didn’t know.) I started there.
discern: to come to know or recognize mentally*
Okay, that’s straightforward enough. So it’s essentially noticing.
With that definition, I returned to the Williamson quote and realized that I never stop with discernment. I recognize plenty, but I always move past it into judgment. I take it too far. I’ll notice what you do wrong (according to moi) and condemn you for it.
It’s the condemnation that sets judgment apart. It’s healthy to discern the differences between yourself and others. It can only result in personal growth. However, the desire to punish those who think or act differently is a whole other animal.
No wonder my intuition refused to let go. There’s a hanging judge in my head, and he’s out for blood.
Negative thoughts, negative life.
You may already be thinking, Well, judgments aren’t always negative.
And you’re right, but, at least for me, when I make favorable judgments, I don’t spend much time on them. I may have a passing thought like, Oh, me too. But that’s usually about it.
But the negative ones — those I’ll chew on until I feel satisfied or another judgment takes precedence. More often than not, a new case is brought before the court, and that causes the release. The original is still there, though. It loses focus, but it’s inside me somewhere. I carry it, along with other discarded negative thoughts, like luggage, and it becomes increasingly difficult to smile.
If I were to stop after noticing our differences, but prior to judging, any negativity would be avoided, and I would be free. Instead, I begin a regimen of mental corrections — for you, of course.
Move to strike.
I don’t think I ever fully knew how negative my thoughts were until I began to pay attention to them. This I started when I learned how to meditate properly.
What I mean by that is that I’d always believed that to meditate, you had to clear your mind of all thoughts. I just laughed at myself while I typed that. If you find yourself without a single thought in your head, I will express condolences to your family for their loss because you’re clearly dead. It isn’t possible to turn it off— the mind doesn’t work that way.
Today, what I do is I find a quiet spot, and I sit. Instead of trying to abolish thoughts, I pay attention to them. It’s a lot like taking an inventory for those of you with a background in retail. A thought floats by, and I recognize it. I acknowledge it and release it as quickly as I can. I then do the same with the next one.
On the occasions when negative thoughts appear, I try to correct them. Most of the time, the truth is I don’t know what the truth is. My negative thinking typically stems from not having all the facts. So I fill in the blanks and form resentments. Meditation offers an opportunity to see this truth and say to myself, You don’t know that, or You do the same damn thing!
With that, negativity tends to melt away, leaving me more peaceful than when I started. It turns out peace of mind is not just a platitude but an actionable and achievable state of being, and it’s worth chasing.
Case dismissed.
The verdict.
I find comfort in the idea that I have control over the amount of negativity I allow into my life. In an age of social media and artificial intelligence, self-control should be considered a hot commodity and not only cherished but encouraged.
We get to choose. With all the thoughts floating around in our heads, we pick the ones we want to focus on. If I’m having a bad day, you can bet I did not choose wisely.
The verdict is in. These days, I’m careful never to let anything cross my mind that I wouldn’t let cross my lips. It’s not always easy, but when it’s working, it results in a much more peaceful life.
I hope the verdict goes your way, too.
Footnotes.
“discern,” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/discern. Accessed 2/26/2024.
