Overcoming Porn Relapses: Strategies for Recovery

With 23 confessions throughout the article

This article is for those who know how porn damages their brain, confidence, and relationships, yet still struggle to quit.

This article is also for those who, due to guilt or shame, are reluctant or unable to seek professional help.

Revealing your porn addiction to others can be embarrassing, and you might fear it damaging your reputation even if you genuinely reach out to friends or family for support.

Shame and societal stigma often dissuade individuals with pornography addiction from seeking help or acknowledging their struggles. This fear of judgment hinders efforts to address the problem and seek support, impeding the path to recovery (Hilton & Watts, 2011).

That is why, any advice I give here will be something you can do personally without telling anyone.

What happens with you, stays with you.

But just an FYI, social support is one strategy mentioned in research that I’ll detail later in this article. Remember, this specific strategy is only for those who wish to utilize it. Plenty of other strategies are available if social support isn’t your preferred path.

Where to start?

My previous article discussed the effects of porn in detail, drawing on scientific research, brain scans, animal studies, and personal confessions. If you haven’t read it and feel unsure about the impact porn has on you, I encourage you to start with that article, linked below.

https://readmedium.com/what-porn-does-to-your-brain-and-how-to-quit-78cfd1d899bd

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge Hosea 4:6

If you’ve already read that article or simply want to read this one, you can proceed below.

Back to this article

Throughout this article, I’ve included confessions from members in the NoFap, Reddit, and Yourbrainonporn forums, along with other research papers, to reinforce my points. They will appear as seen below.

Confession example

“this is what it will look like”

Now lets begin

But Mr Author, why are you writing another article about porn addiction?

Unlike the previous article, this article will focus on strategies for overcoming porn addiction, supported by confessions from individuals and references to world-class research.

These studies will broaden the scope beyond the Nottingham Trent University research in the UK. Notably, that study analyzed 104 abstinence journals with over 15,000 participants, examining the origins of porn addiction and successful recovery strategies.

Fighting porn addiction is like fighting an enemy that keeps respawning after you kill it. Or it’s like defeating a boss and realizing it has a stronger second phase, and a third phase and so on (a pun for gamers if you didn’t understand).

There is ample research that shows the failure rate of people wanting to quit porn. So, for me, one article will not cut it.

Ok so help! I still can’t quit!

For those who still can’t quit. I am very sorry to hear that. Let’s try to figure out why.

According to research, there are 5 main reasons why people relapse.

Reason 1 — The cues of pornography

For many members, triggers arising from both external and internal cues made avoiding PMO (pornography, masturbation, and orgasm) particularly difficult.

External cues

The external cues would typically involve ubiquitous activities in someone’s lives such as:

1. Browsing social media and seeing pictures of beautiful woman that causes arousal. This means that simply browsing the web or watch TV could be risky as anytime some sexually arousing content could appear.

Confession 1

“Dating sites, Instagram, Facebook, movies/TV, YouTube, online ads all can trigger relapses for me”

2. Seeing sexually attractive people on the streets, workplace, gym, school or even the park could act as a trigger for some people

Confession 2

“I also quit the gym I was going to today as there’s way too much to look at there via woman in them tight yoga pants”

3. Given that most members accessed pornographic content in their bedrooms, these private spaces naturally became significant triggers

Confession 3

“just lying in bed when I wake up and have nothing to do is a serious trigger”

Internal cues

Many members have used porn not just to fulfill sexual desires or fantasies but also to numb pain and circumvent negative emotions.

Consider individuals experiencing significant mental anguish seeking an escape from reality. Perhaps they lack a partner or struggle with an inferiority complex. Porn offers a ‘mod’ to the brain, enabling daydreaming or fantasy that incorporates sex as a means to evade the bitterness of reality.

It provides a temporary relief that people fervently desire and willingly consume to avoid suffering. Consequently, some individuals may even harbor animosity towards reality due to the flood of painful memories they can’t easily push aside.

Therefore, negative thoughts or emotions serve as triggers for pornography use.

However, when members finally decide to quit PMO, withdrawal syndromes kick in, leading to temporary feelings of being overwhelmed by various conditions such as depression, mood swings, anxiety, ‘brain fog,’ fatigue, headaches, insomnia, restlessness, loneliness, frustration, irritability, stress, and decreased motivation.

Some members notice an increased reaction to negative emotions as the numbing effect of porn wears off. In other words, the anger or frustration experienced after quitting porn, when confronted with negative life events, may not necessarily stem from withdrawal syndromes but from feeling emotions more intensely post-porn cessation.

Confession 4

“I find myself getting agitated very easily these past three days and I don’t know if it’s work frustration or withdrawal”

Therefore, in order to self-medicate the negative feelings, members would turn to PMO and relapse.

Reason 2 — cunning rationalization of the brain towards porn + autopilot

Though members could usually manage PMO urges, sometimes intense cravings arose, leading the “addicted brain” to cunningly debate the supposed benefits of watching porn with their rational self.

Confession 5

“I had incredible strong urges to watch porn, and I found myself arguing with my own brain on the tune of: “this could be last time…,” “come on, do you think that just a small peek would be so bad,” “just today, and from tomorrow I stop again,” “I have to stop this pain, and there is only one way how to do that”…so basically, in the afternoon I managed to work very little, and instead”

Other times the cravings would trigger an “autopilot” response to PMO in which members felt that they were completely helpless and had no control over themselves.

Confession 6

“it’s like I’m in autopilot or somethin’. I just stood there watching myself from the outside, like I’m dead, like I have no control whatsoever”

Reason 3 — confusion on what to avoid during abstinence.

Since porn is the major culprit here, some difficult decisions arise: is masturbation without porn allowed? What about having sex with a casual partner? Can I knock it off (masturbate) once in a while when the urges skyrocket? Etc.

Many members wanted to incorporate casual sex with a partner during the abstinence phase because in the long term they wanted “health sexuality” in their lives. But the challenge came in knowing whether incorporating sexual partners in the short term would help or ruin the efforts of avoiding PMO.

On one hand, members who masturbated and orgasmed or got involved in casual sex with a partner had the following to say:

Confession 7

“I find the more I MO the more I crave it and porn”

Confession 8

“I have noticed that after sex with wife the urges are stronger afterwards”

Members found these activities to be a threat to their progress because of something known as the “chaser effect”. The “chaser effect” refers to strong cravings to PMO after sexual activities.

Therefore, these members decided to temporarily hold any sexual activities temporarily during the PMO Abstinence.

On the other hand, Members who completely abstained from PMO found that the accumulation of urges led to a buildup of very strong cravings for PMO, which was, overall, very hard to control. Therefore, they discovered that having a quick outlet could help them reduce their overall PMO urges.

Confession 9

“I am finding that if I knock one out when I feel especially horny, then I am less likely to start making up excuses to resort to porn”

Reason 4 — Resorting to porn substitutes.

Many members found themselves relapsing by turning to media content that didn’t technically qualify as porn, such as sexually arousing videos on YouTube, seeing attractive friends on Instagram, or watching girls dance on TikTok, etc.

Confession 10

“I was using instagram as a substitute without even thinking it I had to delete it too as it was causing me too relaps”

Porn substitutes were usually the gateway to relapse.

Reason 5 — Checking if everything is still working

When abstaining from PMO, members expected that their sexual urges would increase. Instead, close to one third of members experienced the horrible and evil “flatline.”

Confession 11

“I feel like I’m probably in a flatline right now as the desire to engage in any sort of sexual activity is almost nonexistent”

The situation would become so dire that someone people would turn to PMO to “check” if they are still sexual functional.

Confession 12

“Bad thing though is that I start to wonder whether everything is still working in the way it should in my pants”

Tools to prepare for quitting porn

If you find yourself in one or more of the five reasons mentioned above, fear not, because the strategies mentioned below are the ones that helped members quit porn forever. But before we delve into the strategies, you need to make some preparations:

• Clear your browser history. This allows you to start afresh with your browser and avoid triggers in your cookies and browsing history that might bring up links to previously visited porn websites.

• Standard timeline according to individuals who have attempted to quit is around 90 days. This duration can vary from person to person, but consider 90 days as a significant milestone.

• Set small goals. Even though your main goal should be to abstain for 90 days, mentally set smaller, achievable goals. For instance, aim to avoid it for 1 day, then 2 days, then 3 days, and so on.”

Confession 13

…before I promised for so long I had promised gradually for much shorter periods, beginning from a 15 minute promise, then I made it gradually longer and longer but only after completing the previous promise. Without promises I feel I can give in easily…

• Build up energy to resist: Sleep more, exercise, avoid coffee, eat healthily, check your Vitamin D and Thyroid levels to see if they are deficient. Do everything to boost your energy levels.

Confession 14

“Day 1 in progress. I relapsed yesterday. I mishandled tiredness and urges which is what led me to PMO.”

• Start unsubscribing, unfriending, or blocking any content on social media that can trigger arousal in you.

• Under no circumstances should you be complacent about your success. Porn is like an invisible Satan aiming its bow at you from all sides. It only needs to make you comfortable and think you’ve overcome the addiction, tempting you to take just a peek. Nothing good ever comes from watching porn, not even for a minute.

Finally, be ready for failure, but never ready to give up! We admire and try to emulate people who fail in businesses or life and yet persevere, emerging stronger. So why should failure in quitting a porn addiction be any different?

When you relapse, identify the triggers and causes, strategize to avoid them in the future. Multiple failures are often necessary for real success.

Confession 15

“I told myself, you have tried for 10 years quitting for life, holding myself up to the highest standard, this time I’m gonna be more gentle with myself. This time I said, I’m probably gonna slip up and relapse again, and that’s ok, it’s how it’s been for the last years. But this time I’m gonna be a little better each time I have a setback. It took me 6 months from that point, and only 3 relapses, until I quit for good. I could tell very early on that this time was different, I could feel it in my body, I knew I had made a true decision. Now, I’m 11 months in, haven’t relapsed one time, get the urge from time to time still…”

As an FYI. These strategies below can be performed separately or even all together.

Strategy 1: Commit to a being greater to you. And penalize yourself if you break your vow to them.

This is pretty simple

• If you are a godly person, make a promise to your lord, prophet, or anyone you truly respect and feel an allegiance to that you will quit. Rest assured that they, though unseen, are also on your side and want the best for you. Take steps to become closer to your lord, feeling his support, mercy, and love for you.

• If you are not a godly person, commit (in your heart) to something greater than yourself, like a purpose, your family, your spouse, children, or elderly parents for whom you’ll ultimately be responsible as they grow older. Spend more time with them, especially your elderly parents; once they’re gone, they’re gone forever. Being close to your family might also create incentives and heighten your guilt over consuming porn, thereby strengthening your resolve.

When making a commitment, impose a penalty on yourself in case you break it. There must be consequences! However, these consequences shouldn’t be too severe that you’re afraid to impose them in the first place.

As a Muslim myself, I know that if I swear upon God and break my vow, there’s a penalty of feeding or clothing seven poor people or fasting for three days, and this terrifies me. I take vows very seriously and fear the consequences in the afterlife if I break them.

But if you’re not a godly person, you can employ a similar strategy by committing to donating a certain amount to charity. This way, even if you fail, someone else benefits.

1. Your vows should be on achievable goals, not unrealistic ones made in moments of fleeting positivity and energy. Start with a vow for one day, then, when that’s accomplished, extend it to two, then three, then four, and so forth. Keep vows that you know you can achieve with ease or minor difficulties.
2. What if you fail the penalty and don’t follow through? Try again. Make adjustments to your vows and penalties until something clicks.
3. Use small stakes that you can manage.
4. Ensure your penalties are meaningful, not self-harming. Don’t resort to self-flagellation if you break your vow! Instead, penalize yourself in ways that benefit others. Give to charity, volunteer, or if you don’t exercise, vow to do 100 push-ups within an hour. Anything but self-harm.

Confessions 16

“I’ve made a new rule for myself: This new rule for breaking bottom lines is called — Penalty on the play. If I break a bottom line, then I will donate to a reputable charity (ie Fight The New Drug anti-porn advocacy group) The penalty is $10 per stroke. (literally) I did this 8 times in my last bender so my current anonymous donation to FTND is $80 plus processing fees. I will keep this penalty written out next to my bottom line behaviors as a reminder of the self-chosen consequences I’ve put in place to make cheap faps less attractive to me.”

Strategy 2: Go on a short holiday

Here its all about timing. Not everyone can simply go on a holiday whenever they want. If you can, that’s great; if you can’t, then whenever the opportunity arises, seize it.

Taking a break from the stressful parts of your life, spending time with friends, and most importantly, staying away from your devices can be the perfect nitro boost for your body to quit porn. You only need to resist for a few days to start experiencing the benefits of quitting porn. Once you return, you will be healthier than ever.

Confession 17

“I started my reboot on vacation. Having more people around definitely helps. Also go exploring and find new activities to keep the day busy. Volunteer to do some shopping or cooking for example. My vacation was at the beach so whenever urges came along I went for a long jog. Other things may be possible where you are.”

However, there’s a catch to this. Returning from holidays to your normal routine, which can sometimes be stressful, might trigger an urge to self-medicate by watching “just a little” porn.

When returning from holidays, members need to be extra careful, as the primary triggers for porn use usually exist in their home environments..

Strategy 3: Be more outgoing

Confession 18

“… And well, yes most of our environment has a memory associations with pmoing but I believe we can change our minds about what we think about things but we have to be serious and mean it.”

This is hard as nails for an introvert. However, by ‘outgoing,’ I mean getting involved in community service, joining clubs, or engaging in any activity where you can meet people and contribute socially. Being around friends and people can be mentally healing like nothing else. I know individuals who found partners and even got married within the social groups they volunteered in.

As an additional incentive for you to step out, rest assured that some of the wealthiest individuals in your community or even beyond it are involved in community service. If you work hard and go the extra mile, YOU WILL BE NOTICED. Opportunities will come your way that you never expected in your life. But be patient; don’t do it for the money, do it for yourself and your community. It might take months, if not years. Rich people are not foolish; they pursue the best.

Rich individuals always seek to increase their wealth, but what they often lack is not resources but reliable manpower. Having someone trustworthy and hardworking in whom they can invest confidently, knowing that the returns will follow, is every wealthy person’s dream. I can attest to this from my own experience. Due to my years in community service, I’ve been approached several times by extremely affluent individuals.

Strategy 4: Use barriers to limit access to porn

Members who abstained from pornography found it helpful to use external tools like blocking apps on their devices, such as porn blockers. These apps weren’t perfect and had ways to bypass them, but they created an extra hurdle to overcome during moments of temptation.

Confession 19 (member responding to a reddit user about the best porn blocking software)

“Bulldog Blocker in the Google Play store blocks 99% of the websites I could think of. You can also block mixed websites like Twitter or Reddit where porn is easily accessible if you can’t control your urges.”

Confession 20 (member responding to a thread on using K-9 porn blocker app)

“This is to help the guys who need to make a couple months without porn to see the benefits, to get them off on the right foot. Long term they need to learn to reject sexual content on their own.”

Strategy 5: Social support

While members found support from family, friends, and relatives to be a major boost, they mostly appreciated online support the most. This was to maintain privacy, but at the same time, members also realized that they were not alone in their struggle.

Members often shared their progress online and received encouraging messages from other members. Some found motivation by reading others’ success stories, while others asked fellow forum members to hold them accountable during their NoFap journey.

Confession 21

“Seeing other journals and other posts motivate me and make me feel like I’m not alone”

Strategy 6: Less triggering environments

To limit exposure to triggers, some members restricted their use of devices to specific, non-tempting environments, like using laptops only at work or never in bedrooms. Others went further and temporarily reduced device access entirely, like leaving phones with friends or switching to non-smartphones. While these external barriers were valuable for managing triggers, participants recognized their limitations. Complete avoidance was impractical, and long-term success ultimately required internal resilience as well.

Strategy 7: Cognitive and behavioral changes

Participants relied heavily on self-improvement (exercise, social activities) as a long-term strategy to reduce temptations and cravings. They also developed personal methods (alternative activities) through trial and error to manage emotions that could lead to relapses. For some, a simple activity like taking a shower was surprisingly effective in curbing the urge.

Confession 22

“Tonight I was feeling extremely horny. So I took a very cold shower at 10 pm in very cold weather and boom! The urges are gone”

While everything might be seemingly perfect in your life, you may not have a full-blown porn addiction but still struggle with a persistent habit. Let me explain: imagine coming home after a long, grueling day, drained from the hustle. You automatically head to watch porn, a routine embedded in your daily cycle that reinforces the habit because you’ve done it repeatedly. The key to breaking free, even temporarily, is to disrupt this routine.

**Change things up! Instead of rushing home at your usual time, detour to the library for a reading session (no one focuses like they do in a library, trust me). Maybe try a new sport. The point is, breaking your routine becomes an essential step in breaking your addiction.

Failed strategies

While I have extensively covered successful strategies, I feel there’s also a need to touch upon unsuccessful strategies. So below are two strategies that you should avoid at all costs.

Failed strategy 1: Can I cut down on porn gradually rather than going cold turkey like some smokers and drinkers do?

Unless you possess the Wisdom of Solomon, Strength of Hercules, Stamina of Atlas, Power of Zeus, Courage of Achilles, and the Speed of Mercury (see what I did there 😊), you’ll need plenty of willpower to fight back, which, let’s be honest, you don’t have!

Let me explain. Porn isn’t like cigarettes; it’s worse. And I haven’t encountered any successful porn quitter who claims they cut down on porn to eventually stop. If you reduce consumption even slightly, your brain will fight back fiercely, and you might end up consuming even more than before.

Research from Nottingham Trent University has shown that after analyzing 15,000 member reviews, the consensus was that abstinence is the only way. It states, ‘Abstinence was seen as the only feasible way to recover, largely due to the belief that using any pornography during abstinence would likely trigger addiction-related circuitry in the brain, leading to craving and relapse. Consequently, attempting moderation instead of complete abstinence was considered an unviable strategy.’

Confession 23

“I need to completely stop watching porn and any explicit material for that matter because whenever I watch any nsfw [not safe for work] content a pathway is created in my brain and when I get urges my brain automatically forces me to watch porn. Therefore, quitting p and m cold turkey is the only way to recover from this shit.”

Failed strategy 2: Can I quit porn and just look at hot girls/ guys online?

What are you looking at them for in the first place? Do you fantasise that they will be on your side during a zombie apocalypse, hi-fiving each other and caring light-sabers while fight hordes of incoming zombies like brothers and sisters in the fight for survival? Or is it something else. Be honest with yourself.

As mentioned above, this is known as porn-substitutes, that is, sexually arousing content that isn’t technically porn.

When Satan wants to trap you, he will first entice you with something that is borderline wrong but not really considered wrong, such as staring at hot guys/ girls on your devices for no good reason.

This is exactly how you trap animals; you keep pieces of food further from the real trap and draw them close until the animal, on its own, without being forced in anyway, falls into the trap.

Some references

1. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-020-01858-w
2. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.613244/full
3. https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/9-years-freedom-from-pmo-my-catholic-method.276423/page-11#post-3678755
4. https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/the-super-saiyan-challenge-what-is-your-power-level-ranks-are-back-get-yours-now.219714/page-1058#post-3623648
5. https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-accounts/rebooting-accounts-page-3/age-30-i-learned-to-be-gentle-with-myself/
6. https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/what-is-the-most-extreme-measure-you-have-had-to-take-to-quit-porn.334618/#post-3387004
7. https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/gamify-your-life.353763/#post-3682909