Overcoming our moral injuries
It’s not always easy to get beyond the pain of the past, but we have to reconcile our hurts in order to heal.
by: E.B. Johnson
When it comes to mental health and happiness, our morals play a huge role. Our moral compasses are an integral piece of our authentic selves, and they help guide us as we discover the things that do and do not suit us. When this moral compass is injured or damaged by self-destructive behavior patterns or the abusive tendencies of a trusted friend or partner, it can throw us off balance and cause major problems with our overall sense of wellbeing.
Moral injury is a very real thing, and overcoming it is a very real and a very necessary part of rediscovering our happiness. Whether you’re a recovering vet, or an established member of a sales team — moral injury is a destructive force experienced by nearly all of us. Our moral injuries affect everything from our mind to our bodies and even our spirits. Overcoming moral injury is possible, however, once you learn how to accept your pain and understand it for what it really is.
What is moral injury?
Though it’s a relatively new term, moral injury has been around for a long, long time. It’s the simplest of definitions, moral injury occurs whenever a person perpetuates, witnesses or fails to prevent an act or behavior that violates their own sense of morality. Shortly, when something or someone forces you to act against your better nature — your health and happiness suffers.
Moral injury is something that is generally accepted and understood among military veterans, but it’s not so understood when it comes to the general population and their everyday lives. These types of internal damages undermine not only a sense of general safety and wellbeing, it also distances us from our true purpose and our authentic and natural self. When our moral compass is damaged, it can result in anguish, anger and even alienation. The symptoms aren’t so easy to spot, however, especially if you don’t understand the nature of your own suffering.
How moral injury affects our wellbeing.
When our sense of right and wrong is corrupted, it can lead to some seriously catastrophic fallout in our day-to-day lives. Though there are varying degrees of violation, a disruptance to our moral code can lead to depression, suicidal tendencies and even severe and disruptive emotional distress. The toxic effects don’t just stop there; moral injury can also take a toll on our physical bodies by causing a number of other relational issues and health problems.
Mental Decline
Engaging in behavior that undermines your core values, or being coerced to stand-by as someone else does, has been shown to cause a steep mental decline in victims. Not only does this include depression, and deeply rooted feelings of guilt that undermine the victims core belief systems — it also leads to incredible feelings of self-loathing and worthlessness.
Physical Decline
Though we don’t always want to accept it, our mental state stands in direct correlation to our mental state. Those we are experiencing severe mental distress also undergo a steep physical decline, with victim experiencing sleep disruptances, appetite imbalances, and even chronic pain and an increase in heart disease. When our authentic self comes to odds with presented self (or “mask”) the consequences can be deadly. Understanding that, however, requires a lot of radical self-acceptance.
Behavioral Decline
Committing or witnessing atrocious acts that violate our better natures can lead to a number of strange behavioral shifts, including avoidance, numbness and a loss of interest in activties. Those who sustain substantial moral injury have also been shown to engage in self-defeating or harmful behaviors too, however, a roundabout way of confirming their thoughts of worthlessness.
Relational Decline
One of the most devastating effects of moral injury is often the relational decline that victims experience. Because of the traumatic experience, victims of moral injury often find themselves overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and shame. These feelings — if left unaddressed — can lead to the victim isolating themselves, pulling away from the people that matter most (and, ironically, the people who could help them the most).
Overcoming your moral injuries — one day at a time.
While serious conditions like PTSD can be medically diagnosed, moral injury is not such a precise science. Our understanding of moral injures is still relatively new, but new discoveries about the condition and its effects are emerging every day. Treatment itself is still somewhat limited, but there are concrete techniques you can use to help yourself if you believe you have been the victim of moral injury. Don’t hide from the hurt — address it — one day at at time.
1. Find good group therapy
When it comes to addressing moral injury, group therapy has been shown to be the most effective form of treatment. There is a certain comfort in knowing that you’re not the only person who feels like you do, and there’s a certain safety in knowing you’re surrounded by people who can understand (even to the tiniest degree) the depth of emotion you’re experiencing.
Communication is a powerful tool when it comes to resolving the pain of our past. Sharing with others who have had similar experiences allows us to open up in an environment that is without judgement. When we discuss and examine our internal conflicts with people who can see us for what we truly are, we are more empowered the accept and embrace our pain, as well as the difficult path to healing.
Group therapy can instill hope and help bring us back to that feeling that we’re a part of something that is actually bigger than ourselves. Through group therapy, we don’t only learn how to let go, we learn how to reconnect — and that’s one of the most powerful healing tools we can have in our healing tool box. If you’re suffering, dip your toe into group therapy waters, and find a group you can begin to reestablish your trust in.
2. Engage in volunteer work
Often when we’re suffering, the last thing we want to do is get out of bed and help others. According to some research, however, that’s just what we need to do if we’re trying to rescue ourselves from traumatic pasts, or experiences that violate our core sense of self.
Engaging in volunteer work can help to regenerate a sense of worth, and also help to reestablish a sense of community and belonging. Social connection is a powerful tool when it comes to healing, but so is changing the thought patterns that consume our lives. When we volunteer or engage in random acts of altruistic behavior, we actually break the negative patterns that go to further confirm our worst beliefs, allowing them to be transformed into positive ones that have a positive effect on our outlook and behavior.
Mostly, this comes down to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (or CBT), and the scientific understanding that by using behavioral intervention, we can actually learn how to reshape our resilience, thought patterns and even emotional responses. If negative actions equal negative emotions and thoughts, it follows that positive actions will do the same — so get out there and help someone feel better if you want to feel better about yourself.
3. Practice adaptive disclosure
Though most often used in therapy sessions by psychiatrists, adaptive disclosure is a powerful practice that can help kick off the healing you’re so desperately looking for. In adaptive disclosure, the victim discusses the cause of their injury while imagining that they are speaking to someone completely and wholly trusted; a technique that can allow them to open up with the understanding that they will receive only compassion (rather than condemnation) on the other end.
If you’re not ready to open up to a real, physical being yet, you can practice adaptive disclosure on your own by incoporating it into a mindful journaling practice. When you feel safe and find yourself in a comfortable and quiet space, open up about your experience while holding nothing back. Let the words flow and let your feelings come to you in a way that allows you to see them, accept them and release them onto the page.
Healing from major traumatic events almost always require the help of an outside party, but you have to embrace that pain before you can share it with anyone else. Prepare yourself for true and authentic healing by embracing your pain and the reality of where you’re at and how you’re feeling. Through this method you can start to find self-compassion, but it takes that scalding first step to get there.
4. Re-engage with your passions
Because moral injury often leads to severe depression, it can cause us to isolate ourselves from the things we enjoy or the things and people we are passionate about. This isolation can, in turn, reinforce our feelings of worthlessness and lead us further down self-destructive and self-defeating paths. If you want to overcome your moral injuries, you have to re-engage with your passions, but that takes force of will and getting off the couch to step back into your future.
Learn how to tell the difference between disinterest and avoidance. Ask yourself: When I think about the activities in my life, am I experiencing a lack of feeling or negative feelings I don’t want to deal with? More often than not, we become so lost in the negative feelings caused by the traumatic events in our past, that we forget entirely what it is to live and feel connected to the vibrant nature of life.
Do something everyday that brings you joy. Get back into the flow with the hobbies and pastimes that make you feel powerful and talented — successful and strong. Join a new club, or find a buddy that will take that painting or cooking class with you. Get around to building that greenhouse in the garden or painting the door that crazy color you always dreamed of. Reconnecting doesn’t have to be big, it just has to bring you joy. Find the joy in your life again by getting up and finding the joy in your life again.
5. Understand that the future defines you more than the past ever will
One of the biggest problems with moral injury is that is causes us to get stuck in the past. The negative feelings caused be being forced to act against our better beliefs can leave us ruminating or bogging ourselves down in all the what-if’s and if-only’s. If you really want to be happy again, you have to come to understand that your future has the power to define you more than your past ever could — but you have to take charge and have you have to do it now.
We actually value the events in our future more than the events of our past, and that’s because the future has a greater affect on our here-and-now than the past. That’s simply because the future (by its very nature) requires action to reach. You can start to choose different actions right now that can change your future, but the past is in the past and there is nothing we can take from it short of lessons.
By focusing on the future, rather than the past, you allow yourself to take charge of your own destiny again and therefore increase your courage and your belief in yourself. Start small, by taking one small stand each day and making a decision that results in a postive change that day. Work your way up until you can look toward the future more than the past, and reconnect with that bright and optimistic soul you were always meant to be.
Putting it all together…
Moral injury, though a relatively new subject, is one that can have a major impact on the quality of our lives. When we are forced to act against our own moral compass, or the intrinsic set of values we hold dear is violated, it can results in dangerous internalized trauma, and the destruction of our authentic sense of self which is what guides us toward happy and productive futures.
If you believe you’re suffering from moral trauma or injury, reach out to someone you trust or find a credible group therapy session you can plug into. Reaching out to others can help us come to terms with our pain, but it takes a certain degree of radical self-acceptance to come to that understanding. If you’re not ready to talk, incorporate some adaptive disclosure into a mindful journaling practice; and jump back into those passions which ignite your soul and joy again. The future defines us more than the past ever can, but that comes down to the actions we choose from this moment forward. What are you going to choose today? Healing or hurt? The choice is yours and yours alone.
