Over 40 and Still Don’t Know What I Want to Be When I Grow Up

As children our dreams soar as high as the skies above. We dream of becoming doctors, leaders, artists, even astronauts. We believe our dreams are possibilities and may come true as we grow up. But then life happens, and circumstances force many of us to start slowly letting go of those dreams. Sounds familiar?

Many women find themselves trapped by circumstances and lack of opportunities and struggle to reach their true potential and passion. I am talking here about stay-at-home moms, these compassionate, compromising women who decided to put their families and children first and put their personal aspirations and careers on hold for the sake of their loved ones. There is nothing wrong with juggling a career and a family, but many women prefer to focus their attention on one or the other. Believe me I know, as I am talking from personal experience.

I, like many of those hard-working moms took my job as a parent very seriously and put all my energy, tears and sweat every single day, seven days a week, no vacations no time off, always on call 24 hours a day, and asked nothing in return. This mom knew it is worth letting go of her dreams and making new ones for her children instead. Finding satisfaction, happiness, and self-worth just by seeing a smile on my child’s face, and saying, “I love you mommy”, all the aches, pains and frustrations just melt away and made my compromise worth it.

But one day I woke up to find my children all grown up and do not need me as much anymore. I will always remain a mom, but my duties have suddenly been cut short, and I found myself in early retirement with nothing to do. I spent my youth in giving and serving my family and now that I have grown older and services no longer needed as much, I found myself with a lot of time on my hands. The focus is no longer on my children but now I had time to look at myself in the mirror only to realize, “now what?” How will I fill my days? With no experience or tools to get a job, with no hugs from my kids to give me satisfaction like before, what will I do? I wondered if I could go back to my dreams of long ago and start over? Did I have the courage to re-ignite my passion and try to make them come true at an older age?

I silenced my inner demons of self-doubt and fear of failure and set out on a journey of exploration and self-discovery. A friend of mine and I started an online platform to help empower women and share their stories and encourage them that they too can start over. I learned a lot, watched hundreds of Youtube “How to” videos, and made it work, the platform was not perfect, but it became a success.

From there I discovered the world of Life coaching and fell in love with how I could help other women reach their goals. So, I studied for a year and earned an accredited certification, but I felt that was not enough and I needed more to stand out among the many other life coaches out there. So, I studied further and earned a post graduate degree in Applied Positive Psychology and Coaching Psychology. During my studies one of my applied papers on flow and creativity made me remember my love for art. As a young girl I always dreamt to be an artist, but I did not believe I was good enough and with little time to practice raising little ones I forgot all about that dream up until that day. I picked up my paint brush and started to paint.

I found such pride and joy in creating art that I knew that this is what I wanted to do for the rest of my days, as if it had to take me my whole life to remember I was an artist at heart. I took classes, practiced daily, and learned from my mistakes. But I did feel guilty of having studied so much and not make use of my degree, so I found a way to combine my passion for art and my degree in Positive Psychology and created a program to use art as a tool in Positive Psychology with children to help them improve their wellbeing.

With my artistic juices flowing I set out on another venture and my love for writing and reading took form. I started writing poetry, lots of it until I had enough to publish a poetry book.

So, you see although this mom had fears of starting over and found difficulties and challenges along the way but even after 40 I turned my life around. I now have an art business, a life coaching business, an art program for children and working on my second poetry book.

It takes determination, motivation, perseverance and a hard look in one’s heart to know how to re-awaken lost dreams and take action. Turning the “I should” to “I could”.

Whether learning a new skill, or joining meet-up groups, trying out new things, or doing volunteer work, those moms can still make a difference in their lives and in others too. They just need to believe and know that it is never too late to change and try again. I mean if I could do it after 40, any mother can. After all aren’t your dreams worth fighting for?