Outta the Mouths of Babes

You must write down those pearly words uttered by your kids.

If there is one thing I am thankful I did as a parent was keeping all the beautiful hand-scrawled notes and artwork that my 3 kids produced as younglings. Before you know it they are adults and you either forget about their accomplishments or mix up who did what.

Admittedly, I did recently cull the collection significantly because I was moving, but they still have one box of treasures each that I just can’t part with.

The most cherished item is a notebook of all the funny things my kids said when they were small. I should have started it way sooner than I did because a lot is long forgotten and forever lost.

Although I would be risking my life — and their ‘faces’— if I shared all of the pearlers, here are a few gems to make you laugh, and inspire you to start your own ‘ the darndest things my kids say’ journal.

We were in Quebec City at a nice restaurant eating breakfast when my matter-of-fact son declared in a very loud voice:

Did ya see the big zit on his face?

Unfortunately, the waiter in question was still in earshot. A real crawl-under-the-table moment.

The same child was struggling to get his winter gloves on one particular day:

Mummy, my gloves are in a funny mood today

SOOOO cute!

My hubby — at the time — was teaching my older son how to play Poker and asked him if he knew the suits.

Hearts, diamonds, shovels and cauliflowers

To boot, he was asked ‘they are the four what?’

Jackets!

It’s so hard to keep it together when they are being so serious! And in his defense, spades are like shovels and a cauliflower kinda looks like a club. And a suit has a jacket, right?

My hubby had taken the boys out for the afternoon. When they arrived home, my son dobbed his father in completely.

We didn’t go to Hurley’s mummy. We just went shopping

Hurley’s was — and still is — a favourite bar that welcomed kids at the time. For him to even say it, I knew they had been there ( and that was okay!)

My son was squealing very loudly and my oldest was getting very annoyed. She piped up:

I hate that. If he was in the rugby he would be the whistle

My kids may have been brought up Canadian but the Kiwi comes out of them every now and then. I love it!

Nothing better than to be called out on manners by your kids. One year we were at the Mall and we saw Santa in the distance. I picked up my daughter and told her to wave to him and she wouldn’t. I admit to getting a little cross with her. Her reply:

Well if you said ‘please’, I would’ve!

My kids were obsessed with Star Wars. One day, I had clearly yelled at my son about something and he retorted back:

Mummy, you are on the dark side!

I still taunt him with that one to this day.

Probably one of the purest and beautiful statements was when we were doing a drive-through downtown to see all the Christmas lights. I said to my son: ‘Look at all the pretty lights on the wreath!’ His response:

Wow! A bagel!

I’d never even thought of the similarity between the two. So sweet — and true!

I have a signed and dated statement by another child that I can’t wait to show their offspring.

I will never force my children to do anything

I guess s/he was being asked to do something s/he absolutely abhorred at the time. Perfect future fodder for a grandparent! (the gender is purposefully unspecific so as not to throw any particular child under the bus.)

One of my sons has turned out to be quite the comedian. It started early on. He was learning the human reproductive system at school and was studying for an exam. As every good parent does, I was reviewing his knowledge the night before and asked the question ‘ What are the functions of the prostate and seminal vesicles?’ His answer:

Produce semen, help sperm move, and provide male gametes energy to survive the genocide that occurs in the vagina.

I swear I was on the floor in tears. He knew at this stage he had a way with words — and I did too. What ‘normal’ child would come up with that?!

This is just a snippet of hilarious yet innocent things my kids have uttered over the years. I should have kept the journal up as they still come out with some choice sayings, even as adults.

I thoroughly recommend you start writing down their declarations. I swear, we have been in tears sharing their honest, no filter words. It is such fun to reminisce on.

Now I must go and face the wrath of my kids for divulging their words of wisdom on Medium.

I’ll be sure to write them down!