Outstanding! An excellent post. Allow me to threadjack. While you’ve done a wonderful job of keeping the attention on you, I will now show you how I deftly move the attention to me.

It gives me no small pleasure to award you a “Certificate of Funny” for your fine work. I had a good laugh, and, therefore, by the power invested in me by the board of Mr. Mildew Omnimedia, and in my capacity as Tribune of Medium, I present you the following:

This award comes with an honorarium of 500 Mildew Bucks, redeemable at any of the “token booths” on our “floating casinos” on the Machias River. If you can just provide us with your Paypal login, I’ll have our Nigerian banker deposit the coupons directly into your account.

In the desert of funny that is Medium, your post is an oasis. Please notice that I am in the oasis. You created the oasis, but I am the character in the oasis, and that, youngling, is how it is done.