Outsmarted: Early Chapters
I spent nineteen years teaching in one school. On reflection, the stay was probably too long. There is a belief that teachers should not be in one school for more than five to ten years, that staying around for too long can often cause us to stagnate. However, teachers are challenged to create wonder in their teaching, and that ability must be innate. It certainly won’t happen by a change in venue.
The reason I stayed on so long was because our school was heady with challenges. We were once described as the most relentlessly in-serviced school in Canberra.
Be that as it may, there was excitement in the challenges set, and a professionalism that suited me, and I wanted to stay. It is there that I found people, and situations that took up residence in my head, and became fodder for my writing, the terribly, terribly proper mum who couldn’t cut loose, and her spirited son whose roll-of-the-eyes meant he had her measure.
What better characters then the two to showcase lessons we can learn from our children?
Panic stations
The front gate banged shut and then she heard it! It wasn’t so much his cry that made her stiffen in alarm. She had grown used to his injuries. But somehow the pitch of his voice seemed a little different. She’d never heard him react like that before…or so she thought! Leaving her hair-dryer still running, she raced through the front door where the sight of her youngest son standing by the gate, blood oozing down his chin and dripping uncontrollably onto his white cricket shirt, caused her to lose what she would have considered to be her ‘normal’ sense of control. She ran to him, gasping when she noticed the tooth dangling precariously from his swollen mouth.
“My goodness what happened?” she asked, but not to anyone in particular, for without waiting for a reply she raced back to the house, grabbed her keys and headed for the garage.
James stood there, caught up in yet another of his mother’s dramas. With only one side of her newly-shampooed hair straightened and the other side damp and determinedly curly, and still in her dressing gown, she backed the car out of the garage, screeching to a halt alongside her now-nervous son.
“In you get James. Must get you to the dentist quick smart!” she said urgently, fiddling with the controls. “But Mum!” he tried to reason with her, tried to explain, but it was no use. His mother in a flap was impossible, so reluctantly he climbed into the car and, without as much as a backward glance at his two cricket buddies, she sped off, leaving them open-mouthed, staring incredulously at the ball of smoke that escaped into the wetness of the morning.
“Mum”, he tried again, hoping he could at least explain a little. “No time darling! Tell me later.”, and she jumped on the accelerator, with James feverishly trying to fasten his seat belt and keep his tooth in his mouth at the same time.
Once safely belted in, he had time to observe his mother. It was then that he realised how she was dressed — his mum, the queen of fashion, the model of perfection, in her PJs and dressing gown, hair half-done, and just maybe in her slippers. He couldn’t see that far down and he didn’t dare look because that would really have caused him to giggle. “She’ll die,” he thought to himself. “She wouldn’t even answer the door dressed like that, and yet, here she is, on the highway, with no idea.”
His mum was such a snob that it had become the family joke. Whenever she was called to the phone, she’d rearrange her hair, smooth down her skirt, sashay across the room like a model, and put on her telephone voice, almost as if the person on the other end could see her.
He tried to imagine her reaction once she realised, but the thought was too unbearably funny. He stifled a giggle as his mum pushed on down the highway, narrowly missing an oncoming truck.
“Watch out lady! You on a death mission or somethin’?” called the driver, gesturing rudely at her. She carried on, blissfully unaware of the driver’s rage, as she recklessly maneuvered her car into the busy traffic, zigzagging in and out of lanes, and overtaking cars in an effort to beat the traffic lights that stood sternly ahead.
She paid little attention to the blinding rain that beat on the windscreen. Usually she would have slowed down, but her mind was on one thing only, and that was to get James to the dental hospital as soon as possible. At all costs his tooth had to be saved.
“Please, please don’t change,” she prayed quietly to the traffic lights, “just this once — please!” The whites of her knuckles offset by her dark red nail polish as her hands clenched the steering wheel.
Mumbling quietly to herself, she offered prayers to whoever might be listening. Feeling rather unsafe, James quietly said his own prayers, wondering what he’d rather sacrifice, his tooth, or his life!
The traffic lights turned to amber, and Mrs. Miller screeched to a halt behind a little VW whose driver was clearly unaware of her plight. And just in that instant, James felt that his life was grinding to a halt.
She sat behind the car for all of a few seconds, drumming her manicured nails on the steering wheel, while considering her options. Impetuously she nipped into the filter lane, turning right against the oncoming traffic, telling herself that this was an emergency. She just had to get to the hospital.
Suddenly she was aware of of a police car bearing down on her. The flashing blue light jolted her back to reality, and with a sinking heart she acknowledged three things. She had been speeding, she had obviously broken the law, and now it was she who was being asked to pull over.
Her mind raced and her heart pounded as if it might burst out of her chest. A confusion of thoughts and feelings raced through her head. This wasn’t happening to her. It couldn’t be. She never broke the law. She didn’t speed. Other people did that.
But it was happening to her. She had broken the law and now…
She mentally vented wild thoughts and accusations against her husband. “He should be here right now. He’s never around in an emergency. Everything is left for me to do.”
Her head pounded in anticipation of the trouble that lay ahead.
Moving carefully out of the traffic, she eased her car into the slip lane and stopped, watching with dread, the stern-faced police officer who strode up to her car. Nervously she wound down her window and, without giving him time to draw breath, she began.
“I…I…I’m so very sorry officer,” her eyes filling with tears, “I’m so worried. You see my son,” she pleaded, indicating James who was now cringing in the back seat of the car, congealed blood sealing his swollen lip, making him look like a caricature of himself.
“Better look pathetic,” he thought. “It’s the only way this girl’s gonna get out of this sticky situation.” So he made a huge effort to squeeze some tears from his eyes while blowing his nose on the bottom of his top for added effect.
“Officer I have to get him to the dental hospital, have his tooth fixed…” she trailed off. “I know I was driving badly, but I’m usually so careful. Please officer I need your help. Will you help me?”
The officer’s stern face relaxed into one of concern. He took a closer look at James, at the same time, noting how comical she looked. Did she realise? He didn’t think so. Somehow he thought those beautifully manicured nails belonged to a lady who took much more pride in her appearance.
Instantly he felt sorry for her. He wanted so much to tell her but decided against it. There were more urgent matters to attend to. Instead he turned to James and said gently, “Been in a bit of a scrum lad eh? Them’s the breaks when you play sport. Must admit, you do look a sorry sight. All in a day’s work with you sporty types though. Got a couple of lads just like you at ‘ome. Always in trouble they are. Wife and I seem to spend ‘alf our lives at ‘ospital. But ‘ey, you’ll be right son! A good dentist’s exactly wot you need. Fix you up in no time. Leave it to me ma’am,” he assured her. “Just follow us,” and he smiled in encouragement, as he tapped the roof of the car and signaled to his partner.
The sirens sounded once again, the lights flashed and James’ mum took off behind the obliging police car. Her face relaxed and she smiled in relief.
”Oh my goodness James,” she said. “I can’t think what came over me. I’ve never done anything like that before. Should have been more careful…was just trying to get you to hospital…you understand, don’t you dear? Nice policeman though, isn’t he! He’ll get us there much faster.”
James sat back in his seat. He had his own set of thoughts that went something like — ”Just as well for you, Mother dear! He could just as easily have booked you. Then what would your posh friends have said. ‘Saw you in the paper the other day Jayna. Couldn’t believe my eyes. You’ll have to be more careful darling. Be getting us all a bad name’,” but he kept those thoughts to himself. This was hardly the time for banter. That would keep. But, it did occur to him that they were involved in a lot of fuss about not a lot!
The thought crossed his mind that he could try to talk to her again, now that she was a bit more relaxed. He wished she could be more like a regular mum, one that was ordinary and down to earth and…well not as posh and high and mighty as she pretended to be.
Dave’s mum, for instance, would probably have made him sit down, stop blubbering and checked the damage. “Rightyo!” she’d have said. “First let’s just get you cleaned up. It’s OK. Stop blubbering. The world’s not going to come to a standstill because you’ve had an accident. Let’s be havin’ a look,” and in an instant calm would have been restored.
“Mum,” he tried again.
“Not now James. I need to concentrate. Tell me later, there’s a good lad. Must keep up with the police car. Mustn’t lose them. You just have a rest. Won’t be long now.”
James slouched back in his seat, asking himself why he should be so lucky. Why wasn’t he surprised by all the drama? As his dad would have said, ‘It’s just your mum’s personality son. Just the way she’s made. That’s why we love her. And you know what? She’ll never bore us — act first, think later. That’s our girl,’ and he’d wink at James as if in conspiracy.
“All very well,” thought James, “but I have to put up with her when you’re away.”
It was at times like this that James hated his dad’s long stints away on business. He wished he could be here right now. He’d have checked the tooth calmly, joked about who had lost most teeth, and who knows, all of them might be sitting at home right now, enjoying a hot chocolate and discussing the footie instead of his being slouched in the back of the car, dicing with death, while his mum made an exhibition of herself.
The rain continued to pelt down and the windscreen wipers worked overtime in an effort to maintain clear vision of the road ahead.
“Mum,” James tried again. “Mum I really think…”
“Won’t be long darling. Just relax. We’ll be there in no time.”
RELAX!!! That’s the last thing he thought of doing. Her words were far from soothing, far from comforting, as he noted her set jaw as she stared ahead. He didn’t feel one bit safe, but he did feel a lot embarrassed.
Suddenly the police car was out of sight. “Oh no!” she wailed. “How will I ever find them?” as she glared menacingly at the cars that had dared to maneuver themselves in front of her. “That’s the problem with you drivers — selfish, selfish, selfish!!! Wasn’t it OBVIOUS I was following the police car? Well wasn’t it?” she screeched at the unfortunate driver who’d overtaken her. She banged on her steering wheel in an effort to make her point, and James slouched even further down in his seat. This was all too embarrassing. He needn’t have worried though, as the drivers continued on their way, blissfully unaware of her rage.
“Where are you Dad?” he thought to himself. “Rescue me — PLEASE! Wherever you are Dad, guess what? I’ll be going with you next time. Make no mistake about it. This is AGONY!! Why do I have to contend with a mother like this? That’s it. I’m leaving home as soon as possible.”
He mentally calculated his life’s savings, seventy-five dollars and twenty cents, if he counted the change in his pocket. Would it last till his dad got home? Probably not! Besides he’d no idea how to go about running away. And he’d miss his pets!