Outdated Thinking Examples That Hold America Back (According to My European Husband)

Sometimes you need to go back to the basics before going forward

In America, we so often focus on fixing problems that we forget how much easier it would be to prevent them in the first place.

When my husband moved to the U.S. from Denmark, rated the Second Happiest Country on Earth, he quickly learned that our country was all about quick-fix solutions.

While many other societies are moving forward with forward-thinking ideas, we’re patching up holes in the system that’s largely broken.

We’re still scamming people out of their money and their time. Distracting them with noisy stores and noisy politics. Spreading anxiety and fear. Promising them the riches if they just work harder.

“The size of the country doesn’t excuse any of it,” my husband commented.

“No matter how big the society is, you can still put citizens’ well-being first, or at least try to,” my husband continued.

When I look around me, I wonder if the only way forward for the U.S. is to sacrifice a bit of our oh-so-favored individualism for the collective good? Because a country full of angry individuals is hardly a happy one or the one making progress.

Is going back to the basics the only way forward?

Thanks to my outsider husband, I thought of these (and many more) examples of outdated thinking mentality we in America hold on to, even though it’s dragging us down.

Lack of gender equality

Being married to a Dane has many benefits, and the best of all is having a husband who’s happy (or at least not resentful) to share the responsibilities of housekeeping and child-rearing. Sure, it’s not always a romantic set-up but it’s an empowering one.

In Denmark and the rest of Scandinavia, true gender equality has long been a reality and not a political slogan.

We’ve had our fair share of difficulties when trying to care for a newborn in a dingy apartment in a new city, without family, with two older kids in zoom school, two dogs, and remote work, in the middle of the pandemic. But I don’t think I would have gotten through it all if my husband expected much of me. Luckily, he rarely does.

Eventually, I was able to get back on my feet and even start a business, all because I wasn’t expected to cook, clean, dog walk, and problem-solve for the entire family on my own, as so many women in the U.S. still do.

I’m a much happier parent, too, than I would have been in a “traditional” marriage.

While it’s great that many women in America choose to be full-time homemakers and mothers, those who want different options are not well-supported. They’re held back by ridiculous maternity leave, lack of quality childcare and places to breastfeed or pump, inflexible work hours, unequal pay, and their husbands’ and fathers’ opinions.

My husband put it straight: “By treating women like second-hand citizens in America, you waste so much brainpower.”

Indeed, hasn’t the world suffered enough from the macho mentality?

“When everyone can contribute equally, you have a much happier nation,” he concluded.

It’s about time we in the U.S. recognize the value women bring to the table.

We’re not a threat to your masculinity and not your support system. We are amazing thinkers and multitaskers, without massive egos getting in the way.

Lack of work-life balance

Last week, my husband read in the news that many remote-since-pandemic workers across the country didn’t want to return to their offices and were choosing to quit than go back to the old routine.

“I don’t blame them,” my husband commented, “Work life here is so stressful.”

Scandinavia is world-famous for its work-life balance, meaning work days are short and regulated, vacation time is generous and mandatory, maternal and paternal leaves are a given, and conversations about work stay at the office.

While living in Denmark, I was blown away by how easy it was to leave the office early to pick up your kids or attend to any other family-related need — something that would rarely be tolerated in the U.S. Long lunches was a norm and not eaten at your desk. Coffee breaks were plentiful. And “Friday cake” was a thing. In my co-working space for small businesses in Copenhagen, “Friday beers” were so normal (and provided by the company) that it was common to see people drinking at their desks as early as 1 PM. I’ve never seen a happier bunch of people.

“Sure, we may be a bit lazy and spoiled in Denmark but we love our jobs and we get things done, eventually,” my husband concluded.

There’s an actual word in Danish (“arbejdsglæde”) that means “Happiness at work.”

Maybe it’s time we in the U.S. think about making our employees happy, instead of squeezing the last drop of blood out of them in an attempt to get short-term results?

Lack of affordable quality childcare

Since having a baby in Los Angeles, my husband discovered yet another obstacle to working in the U.S. — a lack of affordable childcare.

In Scandinavia, government-subsidized quality daycare centers are the norm and allow parents to return to work when they’re ready.

In Los Angeles, my husband was blown away by local daycares charging at least $1500/month (some as high as $2600) for 4-hour days.

“Who picks up their kids at 1 PM?” he asked me, flabbergasted.

I explained to him that nannies were common and cost a fortune.

“No wonder your mothers never return to work,” he concluded.

In Denmark, daycare centers stay open until 5 PM and cost relatively little, based on a sliding scale. Kids spend most of their days outside, rain or shine, and frequent nature. They take risks. They play. And they don’t start formal schooling until the first grade of school. It’s a dream.

“Quality childcare shouldn’t be a privilege but a given in a healthy society,” my husband complained.

Likewise, when he found out that most schools and kindergartens in LA closed for the summer, leaving parents with no option but to pay for (pricey) summer camps, he was outraged. In Denmark, schools and kindergartens provided some kind of free care throughout most of the summer.

“They turned childhood into a moneymaking machine,” my husband sighed.

Indeed, how will we ever move forward as a nation before we learn how to take better care of our children? A happy parent is a happier worker and a happier citizen.

Like medical care, childcare should be a government’s main priority and not a moneymaking opportunity.

After all, a happy and healthy adult starts with a happy and healthy child.

Perhaps, when we in the U.S. switch from a short-term gain mentality to long-term thinking, as so many other countries did, we as a nation will begin making progress.