NOVEL WORKSHOP
Our Time Is Now
Selfishness in the forefront
This is chapter 12 of a new novel. To see all published chapters, go here.
He was behind the wheel. It was a long way off. He was to drive for several hours. Along the way he would stop and walk a bit to start the circulation in his legs and body.
He thought of her. Why she is the way she is. Why did she act the way she did? And he himself — why did he act the way he did?
The latter he knew the answer to. He acted the way he did, intuitively, the way he felt was best for him. He had loved her. Maybe he still loves her? Why? Was it because of what he got from her, the feeling he had and what she gave him?
When that changed, what happened? Then he slipped away from the positive, where he had a sense of community with her. And when she turned away from him — why? What happened then, what was it about then? Was it emotional, was he no longer the person she expected him to be? Was it because he had changed? Or because she had changed? He thought of the two possibilities. What was worst? The first, or the last?
He wanted to push his thoughts away. It was an unpleasant truth, a truth not to be missed. Or was it? Was there a truth one could get past?
Is it not always the case that at one time or another, somewhere on the road it happens suddenly? Suddenly and unexpectedly, there is a new realization, a new truth: — This I do — this will be different from now, I’ll do it in a different way. I jump into it. I give old principles the trick and invest in new ones. Your old ego gets fired!
One says that there is a pure truth; the love the two have together is a truth that is eternal. Not to be missed. It’s about her and him, and the love they had in the first period, it was love without the selfish element, without the selfish core that is built into the fact that everything we humans do, we do in self-interest, because we get a good feeling. And we always act to avoid encountering bad feelings.
Some are different in relation to what we want. When we realize it, we also become ourselves different. Is that the truth, the answer? Is this the important thing that we must acknowledge, is this the real truth?
This cruel, sad, discouraging truth is that man seeks first and foremost to satisfy his own needs and desires.
But what about all those who sacrifice themselves for others, who work tirelessly for others, all those who put man first, who have the joy of love in them? The altruistic gene that is highly developed in many others. What about these people?
He had talked a little with Sander about it once before. They had discussed what they should do since people just traveled, disappeared. And they were left behind, had nothing left they could trust to trust.
They had talked for a long time about getting involved and doing something for others. They were involved in volunteer work, and they went to church on Sunday, and they were on shooting practice on Sunday afternoon.
He was tired of thinking about this, but these thoughts kept coming back. He had not bought a weapon before because he did not like to shoot. But Sander had come with a rifle that he had gotten hold of. He was going to get it cheap.
He heard the conversation from that day as an echo.
“You must have your own weapon, just as everyone must have their own weapon. Only then can you defend yourself.”
“But I do not like it.”
“I hear it, but you should get it cheap. You should get it at the same price as I gave. A friend service. You must accept this offer. You can give me the money later, it’s fine, I can do it, just take the weapon, you have to have it in the closet just in case — yes, you know what’s going on.“
He sighed.
— What is altruism? To give of oneself, blindly?
He clapped his hand on the steering wheel. He just had to figure this out. He had to move on. Why did he actually do this? Why did he drive so far? Why did he embark on this trip? Why did he plan to drive for several days now? Where was he going? What would he do?
What is man? Is man emotions or is he also an intellect?
What is important? Are some things more important than other things?
What the president is saying, is that truth? Does it become truth because he says it? Everyone knows it’s that way. And that it is not so.
The truth — is … The truth is what we must stand for and fight for. But do we always do that? Do we sometimes compromise with the truth, when we are afraid of deceiving others? Do we deceive people close to us who allow themselves to be deceived because it is more convenient? Do we do this because we have an interest in it? Is there a built-in mechanism in humans that says this is morally correct? And when someone commits horrible acts, we observe these ugly acts. And then there is a mute voice inside that says: “So what?”
What is hatred? What’s on TV? The TV helps us to relate to what is simple, uncomplicated. It shows us simple, primitive solutions, which help us look different from who we are.
Why do we do things we know are not right? Because we benefit from it? Because we believe that others do the same, and that what the conscience says is ultimately unimportant.
Again, this question: What is the difference between us humans and an animal that follows its instincts, its desires? A living being who seeks above all to satisfy his desires.
He breathed deeply in, out. He felt tired. He had these thoughts; it was the same thoughts that roamed over and over inside his head. It was overwhelming and difficult to relate to. Important parts of what had been the foundation of society, yes — for his life! — had disappeared. The distinction between truth and falsehood, the tone of the public debate had degenerated into lies, personal attacks and verbal bullshit.
He felt completely lost. Yes, he was completely lost in this frozen chaos that had remained when society disappeared.
He looks ahead, tries to scan the image in front of him, wants to see details on the road and in the landscape. Still no other cars to see on the road. It’s disturbing. It’s really disturbing. Normally, there should be heavy traffic in both directions on this main road through the county that leads to the major highway further ahead, this network of highways that run across the country, in different directions, to the north, south, east and west.
