Our Love Thing Was Sick

i was ill-prepared and ill-informed

inside of our multifaceted thing sometimes beauty sometimes distorted sometimes contorted twisted up inside your love

i was ill-prepared how could something so pure be so complicated

we were pure complicated ill

there was more than one of you and i wanted to love each one

i prayed to God for clarity to help me how could it be that i was so sure yet so far from the truth of you

i was so green didn’t know what i was getting myself into some say i should hate you label you broken and move on

from your personalities…but they each loved me which was some kind of miracle cause around “whole” people i felt so lonely

so i held on trying to contort with each and every turn offering you the compassion you could not give yourself much less me

but tears turned to laughter too quickly sadness jumped to anger

you said my name but not like the last you i was scared but attached

and this poem is not metaphoric and it doesn’t capture all that one of you is much less all and i know there are pills for this or some type of remedy for who you are for what we were