Our home is peaceful until he has a bad day at work, and then it’s hell.

Lots of screaming at the dogs, screaming at me and our son, criticizing me, asking me to do shit he can do himself. Every day my goal is to make our home feel safe, especially for our son and he comes home 8/10 with such a bad attitude and fucks up the mood. It’s so draining me, breaking every bit of spirit I have left of myself to stay in this shitty marriage. Nobody wants people to get divorced because of religion and other bullshit, and they judge you so harshly once they know you’re divorced, it’s like you have to be on your emotional deathbed before calling it quits. It’s so heavy trying to constantly holding up a home that you’re not the one breaking and hacking at. I had to literally leave so my son wouldn’t see me breakdown. If I had a daughter, I’d tell her to leave. I’d tell her to never put up with anyone taking out their work bullshit on her, but here my stupid ass is putting up with it. I get that people in the military go through shit but that shit shouldn’t have to constantly come home and impact our family. The look of fear on my son’s face when he yelled him broke me in a new way. I never saw that look on his face and when I told him to look at our son’s face he wouldn’t even look and acknowledge the fear he put in him. I’m with our son 99.9% of the time and I self regulate every day. He doesn’t. He thinks it’s okay to fly off the rails. It’s not. Our kid is only 18 months old. He’s having a tough day, which I told him several times already. Does he listen? Does he sympathize with him or me? No. Because everything is about him. I had to beg him to take our son on a short stroll around the block to check the mail just to calm him down. The smallest things I have to beg him to do meanwhile I do so much shit to soothe our son, no matter what I’m feeling because I’m his parent. It’s my responsibility and in the name I do it. Children deserve parents who can self regulate them and not be an asshole who constantly shows up as emotionally violent because they had a shitty day. Everybody has a shitty day that doesn’t give any of us to be shitty towards children; especially children. Fucking asshole!!