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Abstract

ly for them — and they do not blush when sharing that view.In one thread, a woman was drumming up support to ban e-bikes from the path because “lazy old farts” ride too fast, which endangers her kids on tricycles. Those kids no doubt clog the path. But that seems to be just fine with her. Predictably, one lazy old fart took offense and escalated with this:“Karen, you ignorant slut.”Okay. In the right context, that’s a brilliant line. The long-ago regular Saturday Night Live sketch that incorporated <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVtZkyBTabQ">“Jane, you ignorant slut”</a> is a touchstone for boomers who, incidentally, are the driving force behind a quadrupling in e-bike sales since 2019. In a generous interpretation, the boomer who wrote this comment was engaging in a witty, next-level convo.Except the woman’s name was Debra. Karen is the name famously given to pampered suburban women who call the manager when the sauv blanc isn’t properly chilled. Absent Dan Akroyd’s comedic delivery, the line is pure venom. The people in this exchange, by the way, are neighbors.I’m no newcomer to these kinds of threads. I recently engaged in one on Facebook, where the topic was a bench-clearing incident during a major league baseball game. No punches were thrown — at least not on the field. Online was another matter as fans argued about which players were toughest and who would have won the fight.My take was that everyone was making way too much of a brawl that never happened. Sure, there was some pushing and shoving, but nothing approaching an actual fight. “Great example of social media stoking an imaginary fire,” I wrote.I’ll admit that comment, in retrospect, may hint at mildly elitist thinking. You know, the kind where the writer subtly lets it be known that everyone else is missing the point. I didn’t intend it for it to land that way, and I was both civil and on point. It would have been a harmless comment in most forums. But online the name-calling began immediately.“Nerd,” one person typed in a clear attack on my manhood. I must be a real dweeb if I have a problem engaging in the bravado and bloodlust sprinkled all over this thread.“You claim to be a journalist?” another wrote. This person had taken the time to click on my profile and devise a response targeting the observational skills a good journalist needs. Bam.Then came this gem (and please pardon the language): “Not sure when social media hurt your p$$$y (sic). You need to douche up and get over it.” This extraordinary and elegantly framed insight sent me into the fetal position. I’ve been examining all my big life decisions ever since.Seemingly impossible, the thread degraded from there — and I was out. But not before obsessing over a dozen lines I wanted to fire back, spending time I will never get back. What would be the point? In the history of social media, not one pe

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rson has ever convinced another they are wrong, or even that the point you have made is perhaps a fair one. All you get is shout backs.None of this is new, of course, and others — women, people of color, and young people in particular — have been treated to far more vicious online abuse with <a href="https://www.cuimc.columbia.edu/news/social-media-threatening-teens-mental-health-and-well-being">devastating effect</a>.In 1961, Federal Communications Commission Chairman Newton Minow famously called television, still in its early days, “a vast wasteland” that is at odds with the public interest. He said:<blockquote id="b82c">“Sit down in front of your own television set when your station goes on the air and stay there, for a day…You will see a procession of…blood and thunder, mayhem, violence, sadism, murder…True, you’ll see a few things you will enjoy. But they will be very, very few.”</blockquote>Social media is the big new thing today and Minow’s words ring true in this sphere as well. Facebook, Twitter, and the like are no more fixable than was television 60 years ago. We still have television, and while it is better than before it remains a wasteland of violence and misinformation. Don’t look for social media to grow up any different.In the summer of 2020, when we all were looking for a distraction from Covid isolation, I upped my social media game. I chimed in on a bunch of sports threads because I am a fanatic about big-league baseball and probably care too much about other leagues as well. I also immersed myself in Trump-fueled political chaos — the big leagues of lies and divisiveness.The sports threads went sideways often. But it was nothing compared to the political threads, where no matter how measured your comments might be, someone attacked you as a woke liberal or far-right cultist. At first, I engaged to try to see the other side. In my case, it was the Trumpers I wanted to understand. I acknowledge that woke liberals are also full of bluster. This is not a political comment.Disillusionment followed quickly. Political threads almost all descended into juvenile insults between people who had never met. Opposing sides sought to correct, shame, or belittle — anything but understand. That led me to an uncomfortable moment.The only person I ever blocked on Facebook — and I have been there from the start — is a friend of 45 years. I didn’t do it because her political views were at odds with mine. I blocked her when I realized she had nothing constructive to say and was one of those lying in wait just to blast you. That was too much.For now, I am sticking with social media — for the good stuff. As for the rest, I guess I’ll just have to douche up.Dan Kadlec is a former columnist at TIME. He tries to keep his online comments constructive but sometimes fails. Dan is writing a memoir based on his early career at small-town newspapers.</article></body>

Other People’s Anger

Take a breath. Those online insults might make you laugh.

Facebook went live in 2004 essentially fulfilling the grand promise of social media, which has roots back to the advent of Morse Code in 1844. What took two centuries to develop needed just two decades to implode.

This is not to suggest that social media is going away. Always on, always connected, and always dissing strangers is our new normal. But people have limits. Nearly half of Facebook users have considered leaving the site. About as many have had second thoughts with Twitter — and that’s according to data gathered before Elon Musk agreed to buy the company in a deal that sent more folks, and some notable star power, packing.

Cutting social media is like cutting carbs — easy in the morning but then you find yourself reaching for the cheesecake after dinner.

Considering leaving a platform and canceling your account are, of course, two different things. Cutting social media is like cutting carbs — easy in the morning but then you find yourself reaching for the cheesecake after dinner. It’s a tough diet because social media still has a lot going for it: birthday wishes and photos, renewed connections, unacquainted folks coming together for a worthy cause like humanitarian aid to Ukraine.

But all this promise is losing out to a dark side that feasts on hate, cancellation, anger, and misinformation. You need awfully thick skin to express most any thought on a public thread. Someone out there is just waiting to blast you. Users who want a real conversation increasingly must ask, who needs this? As they opt out, the haters gain a stronger voice.

If you take a breath, the vitriol on regular display seems almost comical, especially when it is directed at entertainers who spin it into a fun routine. But the out-of-whack meanness nonetheless shines through.

On any given day, you can find a long discussion on Nextdoor with dog owners, cyclists, e-bike riders, and joggers taking up rhetorical arms over etiquette on their town’s mixed-use path. Everyone on the path, and online to chat about it, seems to believe the space is mainly for them — and they do not blush when sharing that view.

In one thread, a woman was drumming up support to ban e-bikes from the path because “lazy old farts” ride too fast, which endangers her kids on tricycles. Those kids no doubt clog the path. But that seems to be just fine with her. Predictably, one lazy old fart took offense and escalated with this:

“Karen, you ignorant slut.”

Okay. In the right context, that’s a brilliant line. The long-ago regular Saturday Night Live sketch that incorporated “Jane, you ignorant slut” is a touchstone for boomers who, incidentally, are the driving force behind a quadrupling in e-bike sales since 2019. In a generous interpretation, the boomer who wrote this comment was engaging in a witty, next-level convo.

Except the woman’s name was Debra. Karen is the name famously given to pampered suburban women who call the manager when the sauv blanc isn’t properly chilled. Absent Dan Akroyd’s comedic delivery, the line is pure venom. The people in this exchange, by the way, are neighbors.

I’m no newcomer to these kinds of threads. I recently engaged in one on Facebook, where the topic was a bench-clearing incident during a major league baseball game. No punches were thrown — at least not on the field. Online was another matter as fans argued about which players were toughest and who would have won the fight.

My take was that everyone was making way too much of a brawl that never happened. Sure, there was some pushing and shoving, but nothing approaching an actual fight. “Great example of social media stoking an imaginary fire,” I wrote.

I’ll admit that comment, in retrospect, may hint at mildly elitist thinking. You know, the kind where the writer subtly lets it be known that everyone else is missing the point. I didn’t intend it for it to land that way, and I was both civil and on point. It would have been a harmless comment in most forums. But online the name-calling began immediately.

“Nerd,” one person typed in a clear attack on my manhood. I must be a real dweeb if I have a problem engaging in the bravado and bloodlust sprinkled all over this thread.

“You claim to be a journalist?” another wrote. This person had taken the time to click on my profile and devise a response targeting the observational skills a good journalist needs. Bam.

Then came this gem (and please pardon the language): “Not sure when social media hurt your p$$$y (sic). You need to douche up and get over it.” This extraordinary and elegantly framed insight sent me into the fetal position. I’ve been examining all my big life decisions ever since.

Seemingly impossible, the thread degraded from there — and I was out. But not before obsessing over a dozen lines I wanted to fire back, spending time I will never get back. What would be the point? In the history of social media, not one person has ever convinced another they are wrong, or even that the point you have made is perhaps a fair one. All you get is shout backs.

None of this is new, of course, and others — women, people of color, and young people in particular — have been treated to far more vicious online abuse with devastating effect.

In 1961, Federal Communications Commission Chairman Newton Minow famously called television, still in its early days, “a vast wasteland” that is at odds with the public interest. He said:

“Sit down in front of your own television set when your station goes on the air and stay there, for a day…You will see a procession of…blood and thunder, mayhem, violence, sadism, murder…True, you’ll see a few things you will enjoy. But they will be very, very few.”

Social media is the big new thing today and Minow’s words ring true in this sphere as well. Facebook, Twitter, and the like are no more fixable than was television 60 years ago. We still have television, and while it is better than before it remains a wasteland of violence and misinformation. Don’t look for social media to grow up any different.

In the summer of 2020, when we all were looking for a distraction from Covid isolation, I upped my social media game. I chimed in on a bunch of sports threads because I am a fanatic about big-league baseball and probably care too much about other leagues as well. I also immersed myself in Trump-fueled political chaos — the big leagues of lies and divisiveness.

The sports threads went sideways often. But it was nothing compared to the political threads, where no matter how measured your comments might be, someone attacked you as a woke liberal or far-right cultist. At first, I engaged to try to see the other side. In my case, it was the Trumpers I wanted to understand. I acknowledge that woke liberals are also full of bluster. This is not a political comment.

Disillusionment followed quickly. Political threads almost all descended into juvenile insults between people who had never met. Opposing sides sought to correct, shame, or belittle — anything but understand. That led me to an uncomfortable moment.

The only person I ever blocked on Facebook — and I have been there from the start — is a friend of 45 years. I didn’t do it because her political views were at odds with mine. I blocked her when I realized she had nothing constructive to say and was one of those lying in wait just to blast you. That was too much.

For now, I am sticking with social media — for the good stuff. As for the rest, I guess I’ll just have to douche up.

Dan Kadlec is a former columnist at TIME. He tries to keep his online comments constructive but sometimes fails. Dan is writing a memoir based on his early career at small-town newspapers.