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Abstract

to even try to understand your own emotions?</p><p id="144f"><b>The problem with the tired old trope of men as less emotional is that it only works if we ignore all the emotions we associate with maleness, such as anger, competitiveness, lust, rage, ambition, jealousy, and pride. And only if we pretend men aren’t affected by such feelings as insecurity, shame, sadness, fear, grief, pain, anxiety, and guilt.</b></p><p id="a656">What I observed in my professional career was that men do experience those emotions just as much as women do, but they are less aware of them, less willing to examine them, less able to discuss them.</p><p id="5b18"><b>Even feelings every human being should be proud to own, like love, are uncomfortable territory for the hyper-male to verbalize. Does that mean they lack such feelings? No. <i>So why are they so scared to talk about them?</i></b></p><p id="6246" type="7">In what sense is it rational not to try to understand how others feel?</p><h2 id="4850">Big boys don’t cry.</h2><p id="f56e"><b>To most of us, emotionality means tears.</b> Maybe this is where we got the notion of the unemotional man. Women cry, and children cry, but men are tough. They don’t react to feelings.</p><p id="5921">Well, they might react, but not by weeping. They might shout and clench their fists. They might pitch tantrums — punching walls, slamming doors, and breaking things. They might do any of a dozen crazy things, from driving way too fast to picking fights in bars, but as long as they aren’t crying at the same time, their friends won’t call them out for “getting all emotional.”</p><p id="e644">But tears are a <b>healthy</b> response to strong emotion. Tears show vulnerability, invite support, build unity with others, and regulate our neurochemical balance. Tears function as a safety valve, removing stress hormones like cortisol. When those chemicals build up, it sets us up for major health problems, including diabetes, heart disease, and cancer. It also builds up pressure that can lead to desperate behavior.</p><p id="c708"><b><i>Maybe, if we taught our boys to cry, we wouldn’t see so many of our men arrested, addicted, committed, or dead by suicide.</i></b></p><p id="2497" type="7">Tears function as a safety valve, removing stress hormones like cortisol.</p><h2 id="a13e">But what about their hormones? PMS!?!</h2><p id="56ba"><b>Here’s the scoop: we all have hormones.</b> Every body and every brain has the same hormones, just not in the same proportion. And everybody’s hormones have an impact, not just on their moods but on their mental clarity.</p><p id="3e2c">Women’s estrogen levels fluctuate in predictable 28-day cycles. That’s why we see shelf after shelf of books, plus articles in every magazine that’s written for a female readership, about not only PMS and PMDD but also the emotional effects of pregnancy and perimenopause. Estrogen may be the single most-examined substance in the human body. (Or, at least, in the <i>female</i> human body, though many of the neural pathways in men’s brains are also estrogen-dependent.)</p><p id="4017">But even though males are still in the majority among physicians, testosterone has not been given anywhere near as much attention except regarding its

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impact on sexual and athletic performance.</p><p id="4887">Men’s testosterone levels surge <b>unpredictably</b>. Like every time they see a pretty woman. Or their team wins a big game. Or they get cut off in traffic. So where is all the research on the impact of those hormone surges on men’s moods and mental clarity? Or, more to the point, why doesn’t <i>that</i> research get more air time in the popular press?</p><p id="81c9"><b>Testosterone-juiced behavior has been described in many ways. Rational was never one of them.</b> But do we teach our sons to watch out for <i>their</i> hormones? Of course not. Instead, we show them how to justify their actions — to <i>rationalize </i>their irrational behavior and, if called out by a woman, accuse her of oversensitivity.</p><p id="bb86" type="7">Testosterone-juiced behavior has been described in many ways. Rational was never one of them.</p><h2 id="b8af">Conclusions</h2><p id="277a">A<b>re men more rational than women? </b>In a word, no. Just the opposite. Neither are they less emotional, just less aware of their emotionality.</p><p id="1b09">Our culture shows girl children lots of ways to handle feelings. It tells boy children just to stuff them. So the women have the tools, the tears, the talking skills. The men just have to wing it. In the dark.</p><p id="6fc1">It isn’t fair to anyone. Not fair to men who have grown up deprived of vital skills and knowledge. Not fair to women who are forced to deal with men who can become irrational at any moment, in response to feelings they have been conditioned to ignore.</p><p id="b67f">It doesn’t have to be that way. We can do a better job preparing all our children to live as emotion-having beings in the company of other emotion-having beings.</p><p id="4b69"><b>But until that happens, we should stop letting men get away with pretending they are somehow blessed with greater rationality than women. Because nothing could be further from the truth.</b></p><p id="cc07">.</p><p id="171c"><b><i>More from Edward Robson, PhD, MFA:</i></b></p><div id="2913" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-friend-zone-is-a-lie-f7b904035d3a"> <div> <div> <h2>The Friend Zone is a Lie</h2> <div><h3>There’s a reason you keep getting stuck there.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*9tcAn5ESD5gxfeUb)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="0d10" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/you-have-the-power-to-cause-pain-ba63dcb1a55e"> <div> <div> <h2>You Have the Power to Cause Pain</h2> <div><h3>The surest way to guarantee you will is to imagine that you can’t.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*56yO74vt1MVnhj5I0uIECg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Order of Events

The Septemberfest Notes

We’ve set the date for the Septemberfest “Field Day.” It is going to be on September 21st. You are all invited. It’s a virtual party, so don’t worry if you come late. You can show up three days after the event and then blog about your participation. In our metafictional metaverse, there is no FOMO.

You can brush up on previous parties back here, but I would never suggest you read backwards on Medium. We simply don’t do that. If a post is a month or two old, it might as well be written backwards in Cuneiform for all the “reads” it will garner. There is no “backlist” in blogging. Yesterday’s blog post is worth bupkis… but you can recycle it. That’s what I’m doing now. This “annual event” is just my way of cramming last year’s dreck down your reading hole one more time. You think this is the first time I’ve made reference to a “nude coke and quaalude party”? Please. I’ve been making that joke since nude coke and quaalude parties were happening.

The Calendar Date

The 21st is auspicious for a number of reasons. First because it is the date on which the 1938 Hurricane slammed into Rhode Island and washed away my family’s summer home. I know people lost their lives, but we lost a summer home. OK, I hear you. First world, 1 percenter problem… I agree… but we lost a house that was ON THE BEACH! You know where I wasn’t this summer? On the beach. The reason? The 1938 Hurricane.

The second reason for the date is that the 21st is the solstice. Many of you will dispute that September 21st is the solstice. Anticipating your “fact checking,” I attended a gala at the Museum of Natural History so I could ask Neil deGrasse Tyson about the solstice. This is how it went:

Gutbloom: Hey, Neil, I need you to sign this napkin saying that September 21st is the solstice so that the idiots back at Medium don’t correct me about the date for Septemberfest.

Neil DeGT: I don’t see you. You are a marshmallow to me. I can’t believe I left my phone in my coat.

Gutbloom: Look, as soon as you sign the napkin I will replace myself with Laura Dunham if you want.

Neil DeGT: You can do that?

Gutbloom: Sure, this is my fan fiction. I can do anything I want.

Neil DeGT: I would prefer Odell Beckham, Jr.

Gutbloom: Easily done. Just sign.

Neil DeGT: *signs napkin*

Gutbloom: Thanks. I thought this would be harder. I thought you would object to saying that the solstice was in September.

Neil DeGT: September 21st is the solstice on the planet Cintyriphluralax in the Floudatabotory Nebula.

Gutbloom: Really?

Neil DeGT: Why am I still talking to you instead of Odell Beckham, Jr.?

The Menu

For past solstice parties I usually try to put together a nice menu. This is the one from last year. It was based on a theme of “let’s eat all of the invasive species”.

Since this year is going to be a “Field Day” I called up the accounting department.

The reason I called the accounting department is because they have a cycling team. That’s all they do, really. Anytime you go down into their office about half of them are wearing spandex, and they don’t change into spandex to open Quickbooks. In fact, I have often asked why we have so many accountants. They give a lot of silly reasons, but I think the real reason is that in their “cycling league” or whatever you call it you need seven riders plus the person to drive the little mini-van with the snacks.

I walked into the accounting office and I asked one of the accountants, “What kind of healthy food should we serve at the ‘field day’?” She said she didn’t know. I asked her what she ate when they were cycling. She said she didn’t know. I asked her how she could not know. She said, “I eat what’s in the bowl in the morning before the race. I eat the bars they hand me and drink the stuff in the bottle during the race. At the post race dinner I usually order the chicken.”

That conversation made me realize I had to find the person who drove the mini-van. It’s not really a mini-van. It’s a mini-mini-van that drives around behind the team and has extra brakes and tires in it. It turns out that the cycling team manager is an accountant named Ned. I found Ned and I told him I was trying to put together a healthy menu for Septemberfest. I asked him what was “in the bowl” and “in the bottle” besides, you know, pain killers and steroids. Ned asked me if I had a subpoena. When I said “no”, he replied, “Then I guess I don’t have to tell you what is in the bowl, do I, Mr. D.A.?”

I thought about asking the folks in the art department. They eat a lot of salads, but after 4:20 they also eat a lot of brownies, cookies, and chips.

Not really sure what “healthy” is, I just made up a menu of things that sounded healthy to me.

Breakfast Wheatabix Red River Cereal Shad Roe Russian Yoghurt Kale puffs with soy milk
Lunch Steamed vegetables Stewed tomatoes Aspic Shark liver sushi Avocados and Eggs smashed together with hot sauce Kale smoothies
Afternoon Tea Lorna Doones Caraway coookies An assortment of English teas and kale
Supper Periwinkle fish stew (left over from last year) Rice and Red Beans Mashed kale and Kohlrabi Rennet Custard

Are You As Bummed Out As I Am?

Maybe the idea of a healthy field day was a bad one. No schnitzel? No wurst? No singing clams? No Fritos? I mean, why even show up?

Likewise, many of the Field Day events have already been set. There is no Piñata of Death, fire bull, or wicker pig on the agenda. When my shrink said that I could “avoid self-destruction and still have fun,” I believed her, but it’s looking pretty bleak. Here is the Order of Events. I tried my best:

Order of Events

7:30–8:00: “Breakfast of Champions” in the Refectory. Menu can be found above. There will be no screwdrivers or bloody Marys served, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make them with your own hooch. I mean the celery and horseradish will be right over there. Do I need to connect the dots for you?

8:00–8:30: Opening Ceremony. We walk around the front lawn wearing the ethnic “costumes” of people and lands we admire. This is your chance to wear the pink lederhosen you bought in anticipation of a normal Septemberfest. Please don’t walk on the putting green if you are wearing geta. “People and lands you admire” is restricted to planet Earth. Star Trek uniforms are a violation of the spirit of the games. “Big babies” and furries are not “ethnic groups” for the purpose of this event. You can wear those outfits to the “Champion’s Ball” in the evening.

9:0o: Start of the Petite Marathon, a 5K race, where the winner must recite an Emily Dickenson poem at the finish line in order to win. The race begins at the car barn and the route should be marked with yellow arrows if we can find the yellow spray paint.

9:00: Badminton Tournament rattail matches. On the badminton court (formerly the piñata court).

9:00 Slaughter Island Regatta. Dyer Dow class. Mushamaguntic Harbor.

9:15: Annual fist fight aboard the committee boat. After race start. Followed by formal protests and recriminations.

9:25: “Restatement of badminton rules”. Badminton court.

10:30: 5K race finishers open mike event. Front lawn. Come listen to the people who finished the race talk about how great they feel and how important it is to be healthy.

11:00: Cormorant shooting party. (I thought the Field Day needed more old world “sport.” It’s OK to shoot cormorants because they eat salmon. We eat salmon, but we don’t eat BABY salmon like cormorants do.)

11:00 Barrel Racing Fox Hunt. Here is the high concept: two great riding sports… COMBINED.

12:oo Lunch, served in the first aid tent.

1:00 Post lunch cramp swim. Waterfront.

1:30 Wine & Cheese wearing sports clothes from the morning. Front lawn.

2:00 Yoga demonstration by the girl everybody hates. Canning Factory.

2:30: Award Ceremony. Everyone in attendance gets a medal. Some people get bigger medals. I will make a speech thanking people for their sportsmanship and amateur status. I know a lot about amateurs. Not so much about amateur athletes, but other amateurs I know a lot about. I’m kind of an amateur aficionado. Front lawn.

3:00 Vodka fueled Greased Watermelon Fee-for-All. Waterfront.

3:55: Ceremonial Opening of the “drug bin”.

4:00: Tea on the veranda.

5:00: Cocktails and amphetamines

6:00: Arm wrestling contests.

7:00: Dinner. Dining Hall.

8:00: Toasts to our own greatness. Open mike. Dining Hall.

8:15: Declaration of the Greatest of All Time (GOAT). Dining Hall.

8:30: Champion’s Ball. Casino.

10:00: GOAT Parade, Bonfire, “Spirit” Contest

11:00: Acid Bocce with Glow Balls and Old Skool LSD. Front Lawn.

12:00: Bonfire and broadcast of Santana’s Abraxis over the PA system. Front Lawn.

1:00: Rats.

3:00–4:00: Talking people down. Various locations.

5:00: Arguments and recriminations II.

6:00: Sunrise forgiveness ceremony.

6:30: Breakfast of Champions II, yogurt and Fritos.

I hope you guys will be there.