Opposites Don’t Really Attract!

Why it’s important to find someone with similar interests and goals

~Whether to have children or not, might be the most important topic for a couple in a long-term relationship to discuss

We’ve all heard the age-old saying, opposites attract. That statement is true when talking about electric charges but not so much for relationships. It’s much more impactful to find someone with similar interests to you. This way, you can focus on building a life together with the same goals in mind. Some differences are good for a relationship because a successful couple will complement each other in certain ways. However, if you are seeking a partner who has a completely different mindset when it comes to goals, money, and politics, the odds are not in your favor for a successful relationship.

Here are a few of the most important areas where you and your partner should be aligned in thinking:

Goals We all have dreams and goals that we set in our lives. These goals can vary in length and type, but it’s important to constantly move forward and take the necessary steps to reach them. It’s not ideal to be in a relationship with a person who is not aligned with your goals.

Think about it; a married couple who both have jobs might need to save money to buy a house. Let’s say the wife wants to significantly reduce their expenses to save more money, but the husband believes in using short-term investments to make the money. Now, if this was just their mindset regarding this particular situation, then it’s not the end of the world. They could probably compromise and focus on the most effective way to save. However, if they both completely disagreed with the other’s method, and only had one mindset on saving or spending money, it could cause severe friction in the marriage.

We already know that money is a huge part of marriages and also one of the leading reasons for their demise. When seeking a long-term partner, it’s important to find someone who might not think the same as you regarding finances, but at least has the same type of goals in mind. Building a life together with your partner should be the focus and it becomes more difficult when you have different goals.

This article by Krystal Kleidon, (https://projecthotmess.com/relationship-goals-all-couples-should-have/), highlights 9 goals that every couple should set together. Krystal talks about how setting goals together will strengthen a relationship and help it grow over time.

Goals can also be related to the relationship. It might be important for one partner to have goals dedicated to the amount of time spent together. Quality time might even be the love language of one spouse. If one has goals of taking vacations during the year but the other is solely focused on work and doesn’t believe in taking that amount of time off during the year, it will cause problems in the relationship.

Again, compromise is crucial in a relationship and there will be plenty of times where you have to give in to the other. However, having completely different mindsets on what goals to set or plan for could be detrimental for a couple. Hopefully, these topics are being discussed between two people before they decide to commit to a long-term relationship such as marriage.

Race/Religion Two areas where differences between partners can cause extreme difficulties are race and religion. As for race, we have plenty of examples of very successful interracial relationships. I’m all for it. For the most part, it’s a dynamic that has been widely accepted in the country and these relationships exist in every region.

According to pewresearch.org, 17% of marriages today are interracial. Of these marriages, the divorce rate is around 41%. This number is significantly higher than the divorce rate of same-race marriages. Now, I won’t attribute the divorce numbers strictly to race. As always, divorce is a complex issue, and Its causes usually are a result of many different factors. However, it’s important to highlight some of the barriers that race may cause to a successful relationship or marriage.

As a black man, there are struggles I experience that a woman of a different race would never understand. At the same time, there are things that I am interested in as a result of being black. The fact of the matter is that I have different living experiences than members of another race and because of that, a long-term relationship with a member of another race would be difficult for me.

Religion is perhaps an even more important area when discussing long-term relationships. Put an atheist and a devout Christian in a relationship and it will lead you to a very difficult situation. The same goes for a couple who both belong to different religions such as one being Muslim while the other is Catholic. There would need to be many shared similarities in other important areas of life for a couple to make things work in this situation. While possible, it’s not likely for a relationship of this dynamic to work in the long term.

Children Whether to have children or not, might be the most important topic for a couple in a long-term relationship to discuss. Differences on this topic will never end. They will continue to arise throughout the relationship, in many ways. I would urge couples who are engaging in a long-term relationship to have this conversation sooner rather than later.

Having children is not something that should be compromised. Either you want them or you don’t. It’s extremely sad seeing adults bring children into this world when they never wanted them in the first place. We all need to make up our minds whether children are something we want and then have a mature conversation with our partner regarding the issue.

There can also be differences in how or where to raise the children. While these differences are not as detrimental, they could still hurt a relationship in the long term. Perhaps one person wants the kids to be home-schooled while the other wants them in the public school system. Another issue could be where to raise the children. Different regions of the country might offer a different living experience. These are all topics that need to be discussed and compromised on.

Short-term relationships are not going to have the same problems that long-term relationships have. You can have two people with extreme differences and the relationship might work out fine in the short term. However, over time, the more differences there are, the more problems will arise. It’s important for us to all learn how to compromise when disagreements come up. We need to listen to our partners and try to understand where they are coming from. The fundamental differences in regards to goals, finances, children, or politics, however, might be too difficult to overcome.

Look to find someone with similar interests as you, especially in these crucial areas. Life and relationships are hard enough and we don’t need any help making it more difficult. Opposites don’t always attract and it’s better to realize this truth before getting yourself into a long-term relationship. As always, stay positive!

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