Open Your Mind To This… And Improve

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Abstract

these dramatic people will not want to hang out with you because they won’t be getting the satisfaction they crave. And for those in my life I can’t drop (i.e. family!), I’ve gotten better at not letting them get a rise out of me when they say inflammatory things.</p><blockquote id="a395"><p>“… this argument is based not on aspiration, but on a simple truth: Individual identity is an illusion; we are, in fact, all interconnected and inseparable from one another. As the Buddhist monk and writer Matthieu Ricard put it, “Our grasping to the perception of a ‘self’ as a separate entity leads to an increasing feeling of vulnerability and insecurity … This imagined self becomes the constant victim hit by life’s events.” —Arthur Brooks in <a href="undefined">The Atlantic</a> [5]</p></blockquote><p id="c9af">If for a moment (stay with me here!), we buy into that individuality is an illusion and the effort we put into being unique is actually what’s causing so much stress (i.e. suffering), then who are we? Let's consider that we are just 1 out of the 7.9 billion people on Earth and, yet, we are one connected organism. Being so intertwined via technology, climate change, etc., that I’m like the right hand while you’re the left hand. On some level, your pain is my pain. That’s how we get to universal compassion.</p><figure id="96fe"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*AgXsLKw_ZBBj94TIo2vN8g.jpeg"><figcaption>Photo by the author of glacier

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ice in the lakes of Iceland.</figcaption></figure><p id="29b7">In my daily life, that means it has to be less about me versus others, and more about how we can all get what we need from this situation. I can still disagree with you on Twitter and wish you well on your journey. And it’s still ok to cut someone out of your life because they’re not healthy for you… but still, love them. That’s the takeaway.</p><h2 id="81f2">REFERENCES</h2><ol><li><a href="https://hbr.org/2015/05/what-the-dalai-lama-taught-daniel-goleman-about-emotional-intelligence">What the Dalai Lama Taught Daniel Goleman About Emotional Intelligence</a> by Andrea Ovans</li><li><a href="https://tricycle.org/magazine/best-and-worst-us/">The Best and Worst of Us: Tricycle speaks with psychologist Paul Ekman about his work with the Dalai Lama on destructive and constructive emotions.</a></li><li><a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2021/02/dalai-lama-gentle-transgressive-individuality-happiness/617901/">The Subtle Mindset Shift That Could Radically Change the Way You See the World</a> by Arthur C. Brooks</li><li><a href="https://www.dalailama.com/messages/compassion-and-human-values/countering-stress-and-depression">Countering Stress and Depression</a> by the Dalai Lama</li><li><a href="https://www.cnn.com/2017/01/18/health/dalai-lama-guide-to-surviving-trump/index.html">Dalai Lama: 5 things to keep in mind for the next four years</a> by Jen Christensen</li></ol></article></body>

I’ll cut to the chase, the answer is infinite compassion.

Photo by the author of a black sand beach in Iceland.

There are sources of stress and conflict in all aspects of my life. Prob yours too. I think if I’m being honest, all I’m doing every day is managing that stress to a livable level, and if I’m lucky, low enough that I can feel “happy.” Conflicts at work (“why does my coworker microwave fish?”), stress at home (“what am I gonna do with my aging parents?”), personal health (“am I eating right and why does my back hurt now?”), and my style (“can I still pull off this haircut and tight pants in my 40’s?”) are just a few examples.

“The goal is to have an outlook completely intertwined with each other.” — Dalai Lama in Emotional Awareness

Photo by the author of Buddhist prayer wheels in Nepal.

Hmm, that seems opposite from what I’ve been learning and practicing. For example, I’m a proponent of “gray stoning” people, which is the technique of becoming non-reactive to drama-filled people because they’re not value-added. Over time, these dramatic people will not want to hang out with you because they won’t be getting the satisfaction they crave. And for those in my life I can’t drop (i.e. family!), I’ve gotten better at not letting them get a rise out of me when they say inflammatory things.

“… this argument is based not on aspiration, but on a simple truth: Individual identity is an illusion; we are, in fact, all interconnected and inseparable from one another. As the Buddhist monk and writer Matthieu Ricard put it, “Our grasping to the perception of a ‘self’ as a separate entity leads to an increasing feeling of vulnerability and insecurity … This imagined self becomes the constant victim hit by life’s events.” —Arthur Brooks in The Atlantic [5]

If for a moment (stay with me here!), we buy into that individuality is an illusion and the effort we put into being unique is actually what’s causing so much stress (i.e. suffering), then who are we? Let's consider that we are just 1 out of the 7.9 billion people on Earth and, yet, we are one connected organism. Being so intertwined via technology, climate change, etc., that I’m like the right hand while you’re the left hand. On some level, your pain is my pain. That’s how we get to universal compassion.

Photo by the author of glacier ice in the lakes of Iceland.

In my daily life, that means it has to be less about me versus others, and more about how we can all get what we need from this situation. I can still disagree with you on Twitter and wish you well on your journey. And it’s still ok to cut someone out of your life because they’re not healthy for you… but still, love them. That’s the takeaway.