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Open Your Mind and Body to the Intensely Spiritual Experience of Drinking Tap Water

My mother alerts me to some groundbreaking products

Completely out of the blue, my sisters and I decided to visit my mother for Christmas. It was hot when I left my home state of Florida, so when I arrived at my mother’s house in Oregon, the cold temperatures were quite a shock.

This story is not about my failure. It’s about my 80-year-old mother’s failure to differentiate between fact and fiction. Because of Mom’s gullible nature, however, my sisters and I have experienced many failures involving her. Failure to understand, failure to communicate, and failure to get along, are just a few examples.

My mother has always been into New Age spiritualism and other kooky topics. She has no business being on the internet, and while I never thought I’d say this, I miss the days when most of her information came from New Age bookstores.

The websites my mother puts her faith in would appear quite hokey to most people. Show my mother a luminous, humanoid being in the lotus position and she’ll buy whatever is being told or sold.

To improve the spiritual energy of her drinking water, my mother has always added a quartz crystal to her refillable bottle. Her cats’ water bowl gets a crystal as well.

During our visit with Mom, we noticed that every container of water she filled — be it for herself or for her cats — was methodically stirred with a wand of some sort. When she left the room, we checked it out.

The wand was a colored plastic tube and it appeared to contain nothing more than a liquid suspension of fine glitter particles. When we asked her about it, Mom said she bought it online, and its purpose was to energize and enhance drinking water. It cost her eighty dollars.

I was able to locate the wand online, and the product description for the Quantum Age StirWand made some pretty lofty claims. Only a brief stir provided better-tasting water, a higher level of hydration, and increased energy levels upon ingestion. In addition to a smart-looking man in a lab coat, the product page featured several hydrological studies to back up their claims.

The stir wand was available in six colors, and at $89.95 a pop, each color was supposed to deliver its own unique benefits. The variations included stimulating for the morning, spiritual for opening the heart chakra, enhancing for athletes, guardian for stabilization and strength, and basic for day or night stress relief. If the customer only planned to get one wand, the manufacturer suggested the basic, most versatile model.

I am going to give my mother the benefit of the doubt and assume she only bought the basic wand, but learning otherwise would not surprise me. Surely the cats could stand to have their heart chakras opened.

The wands are still very much available, here’s the link.