Why Online Dating is Overrated
Patience, patience, patience
I’ve never been a fan of nightlife. Sure, who doesn't love drinking? But the noise, socializing, and women hunting? I’ll pass.
I love meeting girls, just not in the nightclub environment.
But online dating, that’s a different kind of animal, especially for an old-fashioned geek like me, who doesn’t even have social media.
I’ve never tried to meet girls online until I met my current girlfriend. She came for vacation from New York and happened to find my Wechat group from the internet(I set up a group chat for newcomers to town who looked for new friends) I let her join the group because her tour group sucked and she’d rather be on her own.
The group consisted of 50–60 people, it was fairly new and I recently started planning meetups, so my girlfriend came at the right time. We went out to a theme park with a few people and hit it off.
Was it the typical Tinder date? No. But it was considered ‘meeting online’ because it’s where we first made contact. It was completely unorthodox for an introvert like myself, but most people will say it’s just the world we’re in now, a strange time.
Honestly, I’m not looking forward to this trajectory, where people skip the organic process and head straight to the results.
Thrill of serendipity
I read an article the other day, apparently, the days of striking up a conversation with a complete stranger at the grocery store are gone, God, let’s hope she’s wrong.
Because we deserve better, dating shouldn’t feel like shopping at the mall, where we scan around and pick out the most suitable outfit. Don’t you miss not knowing who will be in a social event, and going with little to no expectation?
And while you’re sipping your water at a function, a soft-spoken voice travels over and a chiseled chin, ocean blue-eyed stud comes up to ask you for directions, “excuse me, I was wondering if you knew where the restroom was?” And he’s the most gorgeous man you have ever met and boom! Magic.
Then, the discovery process. It feels neutral at first because no one came looking for anything, two people found each other by coincidence. But all of a sudden, no one knows where and when, but light flirting started. He might ask you for something he could have asked his friends, he might go to you for advice instead of someone else. You think he likes you, but not certain.
Then you start to wonder “is he into me a lot or not so much?”, “what does this mean, what does that mean?” Each step becomes more exciting. As you two pull closer, your hearts invest more and arrive at a point between absolute ecstasy and disappointment.
The thrill is in not knowing, then finding out what you wanted to believe, was true all along.
It’s forced
No, people aren’t jumping straight to bed without talking and getting to know each other first. But they are consciously trying to drive the relationship somewhere. They didn't sign up for OkCupid to solely discuss politics, right?
There’s an end goal, they try to impress the other person or blatantly let them know they are interested. Or worse, force themselves to like someone more than they actually do.
Is that what we really want? To destroy natural, unintentional build-up? Where’s the poetic element to it? Where’s the “wow, I suddenly realized we really understand each other”? Without trying.
How about seeing the real person before knowing what they do for a living or what their hobbies are? Or that their favorite Taylor Swift song is the same as yours?
It’s usually a downer
We heard all the stories; a tall, handsome, six-pack David Beckham looking man posting like a model at the beach, it turns out, it’s a beer belly dads with a weird beard who cleans windows for a living.
That’s probably a bit extreme, but most profiles are exaggerated to some degree.
Trusting people who’re desperate enough to find love online? Good luck.
Not special
When prospects don’t work out, no need to sit around and wait for fate to save them, keep swiping. People force the shit out of dating and call it “taking matters into their own hands.”
There’s no beauty in that, there’s no “meant to be” factor because the system and the outcomes were manipulated.
Even if someone hit the jackpot and lands a marriage out of it, so what? It doesn’t compare to a spouse met at the wedding of a college friend, by accident.
Couples won’t be proudly announcing to the world how they met their other half on Bumble during their wedding ceremony.
Too convenient
Finding the right one online is hard, but at the same time, people don’t take the time to wait and suffer anymore — the toxic mindset of ‘I want it and I want it now’.
Cool, take the shortcut, no wonder why the divorce rate in America is 50%, online dating will only increase it, easy come easy go.
Where is this going?
Zoom dates? Video sex? Having dinner “together” with both sitting home? How far will this trend go? With incredible technology and the way the world is going right now, I’m nervous about where love and romance are going.
New suggestions
At the end of the day, what we truly want is a connection, people hate to be alone. But are online dating apps the answer? Not sure, but I would like to suggest a few different ideas.
- Building for hangouts
Why aren’t there more community facilities for socializing? Food, arcade, board games. Not a mall, but smaller. A place where they offer and welcome group activities for people who don’t know each other, maybe something like an Escape Room. As long as it allows strangers to engage in activities without intentions.
2. Platonic App
How about an app that allows people to post activity ideas? Other people will have the ability to see these activities and request to join. Let’s not rely on the same old restaurants, bars, clubs, and house parties. It’s similar to meetup groups but geared more towards socializing than sharing interests.
3. More local and statewide events
Everyone chips in a little money, and allow there to be new events every week or so; with families and friends going along, it won’t be awkward. We live in the same house for years without knowing the neighbor next door, homes are too segregated.
These are just brainstorming ideas obviously, there are a lot of problems to consider.
Online dating is a platform for short term flings but if we want serious relationships we’ll need some patience. It is popular now because options are limited, and going deeper into it will only decrease genuine connections.