One Word Can Shape Your Approach to Life
The impact of language and the transforming power of the word "yet."
I was never very athletic. I've never been competitive beyond self-competition. I've struggled with social anxiety and self-esteem most of my life. I tend to choke when things get tough and I'm put on the spot.
All that said, I have always avoided participating in team sports. It's the fear of literally dropping the ball, failing, ridicule, and letting others down.
I'm learning to grow out of that debilitating way of thinking. Life's too short. Lots of people love me despite my shortcomings. Authenticity has been my mantra. The pandemic and losing close family and friends in recent years prompted me to change my thinking.
I jumped on the pickleball wagon this year. I knew I’d have to push myself mentally and physically, and being authentic means embracing where I'm at now—telling others how I feel and not pretending to be something I'm not. And I know if I push through my anxiety, I will only get better if I continue to show up.
So, when I introduce myself to others on the pickleball court, I say something like — I'm a beginner. I'm trying to build my skills and confidence, and please be patient with me.
Picklers are generally a very welcoming community. I am improving. And I'm beginning to have fun and make some new social connections. So now the phrase I repeat to myself is, I'm not very good YET.
I just heard a story about distance runner Deena Kastor. She had a successful amateur career and was ready to see how she'd stack up in the big leagues. By mid-race, Kastor was squarely in the middle rather than leading the pack.
Runners continued to fly past her. When she crossed the finish line, she doubted her decision to turn pro. She thought, Is this as good as I am? She then caught herself. It was her inner critic talking again. She refused to let that voice take over. Kastor reframed her language. "This is as good as I am today."
Deena stopped questioning whether she should quit and looked forward to the next day's workout and the chance to make strides. Kastor went on to medal at the Olympics. She held the American Women's Record for the marathon for seventeen years.
Kastor credits much of her success to what psychologists call a growth mindset. In other words, People with a growth mindset believe that even if they struggle with certain skills, their abilities aren't set in stone. Wherever our skills are today, we can always improve.
This mindset applies to all abilities, from public speaking to learning a new language and coding. I've found it true in my writing, and yes, in the short time I've been knocking around a pickleball.
We can all tap into this growth mindset inside. Some of us can invoke it more easily than others. Going from negative to positive can be as simple as adding one word — for Kastor, that word was "TODAY."
Other words are equally effective. One study looked at students who were struggling with a complex math problem. Some were informed, "You didn't get the answer right." Others were told, "You didn't get the answer right, YET."
You can guess which group was motivated to keep trying to solve the problem—the power of yet changes how we characterize our circumstances. It does this by shifting where we are in time. Instead of zooming in on our present-moment abilities, the word yet propels us forward.
I have to remind myself sometimes that my story isn't over. I will improve with practice, patience, accepting where I am today, and showing up often. The next time you're disappointed by an outcome, try altering your language to reinforce that you have yet to reach the end of the road.
My progress is slow, and sometimes the growth is imperceptible. Looking back at the stuff I wrote in 2017 when I began this writing journey, I'm embarrassed that I published some of that garbage. I've been tempted to delete those old stories. I leave them as a reminder of my growth from then to now.
I know pickleball is only a game, but for me, it's also become a game of the mind. I'm determined to continue on that growth continuum. I may never be a pro, but I can be in a position where a beginner comes to me one day with anxiety and says, be patient with me. And I'll tell them my story and the power of the word, yet.
Inspired by: Calm/The Daily Jay Podcast
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