One Way To Survive A Regret From Childhood

Time Is On Your Side

Everyone has different regrets in life, whether you are still angry for ignoring your personal happiness or wish you’d spent more time with your kids. Yet, a lot of our biggest regrets have to do with episodes about romance that took place in our childhood or youth. Maybe we didn’t have enough courage to ask that girl or boy out on a date, or we dumped someone that we wish we hadn’t. Many people keep thinking of “what might have been” and they don’t forgive themselves.

The question is, are you going to change your behavior considering your regrets?

My habitual regret is for something I was interested in and I didn’t do, something I wanted and didn’t ask for, a person I liked and didn’t get in touch with. It is my not taking action when I wanted to. I always think I could have said what I really felt at that moment.

My first regret dates back to my childhood.

I was sitting in a car with three girlfriends: we were waiting for my mother to finish shopping and drive us to gym class. One of us, the older girl, asked: “Is any of you in love with my brother?” I am sure we were all shocked. Love? We were seven years old, we started thinking about love, but we couldn’t talk about it yet! We were a group of good girls; we didn’t dare to speak. So, the predictable answer was no. I remember we were all saying “No”, meaning: What? Are you crazy? Your brother?

I said no. I was deeply in love with him. I looked at him from a distance every day when I arrived at school, spied on him from my desk, hoped the teacher would call him to the front of the class to write his answers on the board, so I could be authorized to look at him. I liked his way of speaking, his smile, his blue eyes. He was polite, and I thought he was elegant; he had some class. And his sister was one of my girlfriends, so it was perfect because we had some opportunities to meet in the afternoon after school.

After our common reply, his sister said: “Too bad. I am sorry nobody is in love with him because he is in love with you, Lucia. When I play with my Barbie, he says she looks like you. He keeps asking about you and wants me to invite you to play at our home in the afternoon. He will be very disappointed when I tell him.”

Why didn’t I say something like “it’s not true, I like him a lot!”, or “sorry I was joking, I like him”? I was so embarrassed because all the others were looking at me and I said nothing. This was the end of my first love affair, and the following ones were even more complicated.

I wish I could write that my childhood experience helped me change a lot and that now I dare to ask for what I like, but I must admit I still make small efforts and sometimes I succeed, but not always. Maybe I analyze too much, I end up being undecided and I don’t take the step that would make me happy, or that would give me an option, or define a situation.

I had lots of similar experiences later, especially at work: there was a seminar I liked or an open position I might apply for, and I didn’t dare: I let time go by until it was too late. ‘You should have told me before’ is an answer I received many times.

What I have learned to do is improving my perception of time: the opportunity is now, tomorrow it will be gone, so either I take it or not. If I don’t say yes or act immediately, now I know it means ‘no’. Now I know things change and that when an opportunity is left behind, I also need to leave the idea, and the many dreams I attach to it behind. That moment is past, but new things will come.

Just for the record, the boy I liked when I was seven years old is now happily married to my cousin; they met at high school.