One Thing I Wish Men Knew About Women

How men and women look at the relationship differently

As I approached my late 20’s, I didn’t just want to date — I wanted to settle down, marry, and have children. I felt my biological clock was ticking. I was in a desperate search to find my true love.

In my personal life, I had been unlucky in a few relationships before I settled down in marriage. Like everyone, I’d hit rough spots in my life.

Thoughts started creeping to my mind: “Will I ever marry?” “At what age will I have my first child?” “Or maybe I’ll settle for being single for the rest of my life.”

Marriage was on the other end of the bridge I still didn’t cross.

Then I started dating this one guy.

We were in a serious relationship and we both wanted to have family and kids in the future. We had been seeing each other for almost two years.

We both had feelings for one another and loved being in each other company. As time went on, I started to think more about where our relationship was going. While I certainly enjoyed my time and had fun, one reality never evaded me — I was getting older.

I needed to have a serious conversation with my partner about our relationship. So, one day I delicately popped the question to see if my partner was on the same page. We were sitting at a dinner table in a restaurant. I wanted to get deeper into his mind and see how he felt about the direction of our relationship.

After I brought out the subject, his revelation struck me. The bitter truth I was not prepared to accept.

He confessed — he was Jewish and the only son in the family. He lived by his family’s tradition and would only marry a Jewish girl who continues his family line. He also wanted a woman with a “career” who could equally provide to the household.

Well, I was not Jewish and I was far from the social status of a woman he envisioned — I was a struggling musician living with my family because I couldn’t afford the high prices of rent in New York.

My mind was so shaken by his words while he appeared so unperturbed. I felt heart-broken, crushed, emotionally abused, and betrayed. After all, I gave my all to this relationship — my time, my heart, and my true self. I loved him and deep in the heart, I felt he was the one.

I questioned why life was so unfair and thought nothing could stand in the way of true love. But apparently, religion stood its ground. The shallowness of his mind made me realize that he put the opinion of his family above our relationship. For me, it was a hard pill to swallow.

I was faced with a life-changing decision — either stay and continue seeing him and spending time together or leave and find what I deserved. It was a tough and heartbreaking decision. But on the other hand, I wasn’t that desperate — I was tired of it all and needed a break.

I realized staying in a dead-end relationship was fruitless. I didn’t wallow in self-pity and let disappointment take hold of me. I embraced my stronger self and left, never looking back.

As much as he later tried to bring me back, I thwarted his future attempts to see me.

As much as I thought this one relationship would change my life, I was wrong.

Life takes you on a different path — different from the one you envisioned for yourself and least expected.

How a man and a woman view relationship

From my experience of hurt and betrayal, I learned one hard truth about men — some men look at a relationship differently than women. They don’t see anything wrong sleeping with a woman as long as both of them are happy.

I also wish men knew one simple truth about women. When we get older, many of us don’t just want to date — we start thinking deeper about how to start a family and have children. We feel our bodies age and feel conscious of that fact. We don’t want to look and feel like we are grandmothers to our children — at least that’s how I felt.

Unlike men, women have a programmed biological clock built into them. As they get older, their chances to conceive markedly decrease. They have a certain timeline not only for their career but also for when they can have children, for those who wish to have them.

I was in the category of women who embraced motherhood with open arms. The mere thought of having children of my own sparked tremendous joy. So, after all, I didn’t want to waste my time and settle with less.

Men, however, don’t have such a dire need as women as they get older. In a sense, there is no rush for them, and they can take their time. They have the luxury of taking it slow, seeing and testing their relationships.

I also realized that men’s life wouldn’t be deterred in any way if they had to put in on hold. They can take their time with their life and career. And if they are already in a relationship, many don’t think about procreating as much as women do. Their life isn’t affected by the biological clock as much as women's are.

Know and seek what you want

From my relationship I learned one valuable lesson — always re-evaluate and re-assess where you are in life. Openly communicate with your partner about what you want. Make them aware of your needs. Both partners need to know where their relationship is heading.

If a man doesn’t want to marry you soon, he’ll never raise the topic himself and insinuate a discussion on marriage. Women have to initiate this topic for men to open up their minds.

You may have a different idea of where your relationship stands than your partner’s. For a man, marriage may not even be in the cards. If a man has feelings for you, he’ll still keep dating you even though he has no intention of marrying you in the future. He feels there is nothing wrong with that. Living in the “now” moment makes him feel happy and content. He’ll enjoy and continue seeing you and spending time with you. But you won’t know his true intentions until you have a serious conversation with him.

He will open up once you bring him into it, and this is what I did after two years of our relationship.

Confronting my partner on the topic and bringing the discussion was a life-changing experience. It helped me make sense of my life and look at it differently. In the end, I was relieved knowing I made the best decision to go after what I wanted in life. I also learned that it’s okay to let go of feelings if you are in a relationship that doesn’t fulfill your needs. The relationship heartbreaks we endure only makes us stronger.

Eventually, I did find what I was looking for — my life connected me with another man who I married and with whom I have two beautiful children.