One Step at a Time

It’s how we get into bad places and how we get out of them.

“You end up in very bad places, one step at a time, so you better watch those steps.” Jordan Peterson.

Finding ourselves in bad places doesn’t usually happen with one big blow or one sad event.

Sustainable failure usually occurs as a result of small, daily acts of neglect. Daily neglecting to take responsibility or make decisions. Or continually making the wrong choices.

It might be career failure or relationship breakdown. It could be your physical or mental health — failing to eat properly, irresponsible drinking, not getting enough sleep or exercise, not dealing with stress, etc. Maybe it’s property — neglecting to clean and maintain your home or garden. Or maybe it’s your whole life and it seems like everything has gone wrong.

These things can become overwhelming and seemingly insurmountable. It seems impossible to find your way back to where you should be. Or would like to be.

I know a few people in that position and when you’re at the bottom of the pit, getting out can seem impossible. It’s just too hard, too confusing, too much.

The good news is that the way out can usually be found by doing the opposite actions that led you there in the first place. By starting to take responsibility and by making those daily choices that need to be made. And by making better choices. By practicing discipline in the areas you previously neglected.

Sure, it’s not easy and it will take time. Just as it took time for you to step-by-step descend into the pit, it is a step-by-step walk or trudge back out. But each step brings you a little closer to your goal. And maybe now and then you can build up some momentum and jog for a bit.

A while back I helped someone lose weight. She was once a fit and healthy 60 kgs, but over a long time of neglecting to make the right choices around eating and exercise (due to various stresses), she ballooned out to 98 kgs. She had lost hope. It seemed impossible to lose this weight.

We looked at the wrong choices she was making — chocolate biscuits for supper, large portions at mealtimes, and comfort food when she got upset — and we began to put in place better choices. Like yogurt and fruit for dessert, smaller portions of healthier food, and going for walks when she was upset.

We also talked about developing the mindset that it might take as long to get out of this place as it took her to get into it, but that every time she made the right choice, though it might be a small step, she was moving in the right direction.

And if you keep moving in the right direction, you will eventually reach your goal.

And she did. Over 18–24 months she lost the extra 33 odd kgs and became much fitter and healthier.

She had tried losing weight numerous times before, but always failed at some point. It’s like she began climbing the ladder out of the pit, but at some stage, it became too hard, or she had a setback and she began making the wrong choices again and started back down the ladder. Only she went a little deeper with each failure.

What was different this time? There was one big thing that made the difference. And maybe this thing will be the making or breaking of many of us — this time she had someone to walk the journey with her. Someone who would celebrate her successes, someone to encourage her when she slipped. Someone who would exercise with her and cajole her along when she would rather not. Someone who did everything they could to keep her from giving up.

And if we are fortunate, we will also find people who can help us do the same. If we seek them out or if we put the call out for help it is amazing what happens. There are many good, caring people that will come alongside you.

Whatever bad place it is that you find yourself in, if you can understand the actions (or lack of actions) that took you there, you can begin to reverse it and make your way back out.

And as soon as you stop making the wrong choices and start making the right ones, you have reversed the process and are on your way.

Okay, it’s not always this simple, there may be many complex factors involved. But the truth is, for most people, it is this simple.

It may take a while and it won’t be without mishaps, but if you can find someone to walk beside you (or maybe you might be the one to walk beside someone else on their journey), you will turn things around.

Thank you for giving your time and attention to my writing. My name is David Hollis. I live on the east coast of Northland, New Zealand.

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I have published two books, available in Kindle or paperback. You may like to view or purchase them for yourself or as a gift for someone — Messages from the Heart of God-Volume 1 and 2