One Simple Question With The Potential to Improve The Quality of Your Life

Decision-Making Fundamentals — Asking Why

Lyric:

This is the book I never read

These are the words I never said

This is the path I’ll never tread

These are the dreams I’ll dream instead

Why — Annie Lennox

Lesson:

Why? is a powerful and divisive question. It is a friend to the growth-minded and foe to the fixed.

From such a simple word comes such brutality. Why? Why indeed. At times we would do anything to avoid answering it, and at others, it reveals all we need to know about ourselves and others.

But it is brutality we should embrace rather than avoid.

Why defines reality — and reality is the foundation for success.

Why reveals intentions — and intentions are the heart's desires.

Why builds credibility — and credibility makes us trustworthy.

Learning to ask why improves our decision-making. And when we make better decisions, we have better quality lives.

The sharp end of why —

In my youth, I was often in trouble and unafraid of the consequences. I feared only having to explain what I had done. My go-to answers of “I do not know” and “because I did” were no defence against the precise incision the question — “why did you do that?” made into my soul.

Why? It forces a decision — to be honest, or dishonest, and so vexes the soul.

Honesty hurts. It cuts deep at times. So we avoid the question at all costs, even when it is rhetorical.

I have learned that the pain is worth it though and that I make better decisions when embracing why. Still, life is a progressive dance, so we have an on/off relationship. But, I am working on my commitment issues and intend to settle down soon.

Why defines reality —

We base our decisions on reality when we commit to why, and reality is always the starting point for success. But when we avoid or distort reality, we make poor decisions that lead to failure. Failure happens when we make or accept assumptions without challenge. Laziness, misunderstanding, denial and misplaced trust all cause us to stumble here.

One of Ray Dalio’s principles for success is to “define reality and deal with it”. So often, this means facing up to our fears. Whilst unpleasant, we will never make progress unless we confront the actual situation.

Making decisions from a false sense of reality is as foolish as building a house on unstable foundations. Both will fail. So, to avoid this, we must learn to uncover what is underneath, as often, the reality presented is a symptom only and not the cause. When we seek to discover the root of the problem, we build our decisions on solid foundations and give ourselves the best chance of success.

To do this, we must use why to dig.

The 5 Why’s

The 5 Whys is a Root Cause Analysis technique that we can easily apply to everyday life. The principle is simple – ask why as many times as is needed to unveil the real problem.

Example — We have no money in the bank to pay our bills

• Why — we overspent this month
• Why — we had an unexpected bill
• Why — the heating system broke down
• Why — some parts are worn and should have been replaced
• Why — we decided to stop servicing it a few years ago to save money

Had we accepted the first or even the second explanation, our final decision would likely be very different to one we would now make having gotten to the root of the problem.

The value in the 5 Whys technique is that it allows us to dig deeper. And the deeper we dig, the more information we gain and the closer we edge to defining reality. So learn to dig by asking why.

We make better decisions when we define reality

Why reveals intentions —

Decision-making is an emotive-process, which is why we are prone to error. I have made many mistakes when emotion has dictated my decision. And while I can not always prevent this, I have learned that confronting my intentions with why is an effective way to lessen the likelihood and severity of a mistake.

Asking — why do I feel this way? helps to confront my real intentions. Often I find ego is clouding my judgment, and a better decision is possible.

Asking — why am I being told this? is another good question, as it helps reveal the intentions of others. And unfortunately, those intentions are not always honourable. People have objectives and agendas that differ from ours. You need to be aware of this when making a decision.

Being honest about our intentions can be uncomfortable. When we know we would rather not reveal them, we should realise we are on the verge of a mistake.

The Easy Way Out

Experience has taught me that intentions are often to find the easy way out.

When confronted with a problem, we look for a quick solution to avoid the time and hassle of resolving a messy situation. And often, when others bring us a problem, they are hoping for that same solution.

But quick solutions are rarely good solutions. We plaster over gaping wounds to avoid disruption and confrontation but succeed only in delaying the inevitable.

Using why to question our intentions and those of others essentially reveals the contents of our hearts. The head makes many decisions to keep the heart’s contents secure. But, those decisions will always be poor when they provide only the easy way out, and so they limit our growth.

To validate intentions, question why. And if the answer reveals we are looking for an easy way out, stop and think again.

We make better decisions when we reveal true intention’s

Why builds credibility —

Deciding involves choosing the best solution from our available options. To confirm our choice is appropriate, develop the habit of asking why. Asking ourselves why we have chosen this solution helps clarify our thoughts. And also, perhaps, more importantly, it prepares us for the cross-examination of others.

We seldom make decisions that are implication free for others. Most of the time, we need to defend our choices, so asking ourselves why prepares us. If we cannot justify the decision to ourselves, we will struggle to convince others.

Credibility form Cross-Examination

For those with experience of children, why? can be a testing question. And one that little children seem phenomenally skilled at asking! Why can they not eat sweets for breakfast? Why do they have to brush their teeth before bed? “Because you just do”, might eventually work on your five-year-old (I said might), but it will not hold up against others.

Anticipating this type of question to the point that you can confidentially defend your decision will improve your decision-making. Why this choice? demands a credible response. And the more people impacted by the decision, the more credible the response needs to be. That does not mean that we need to please others with our decisions, but they must be integrity-based.

The better we get at this, the more credibility and trust we build with others, and the more we learn to trust our own judgement.

To develop this skill, practise defending your decisions by asking yourself why? And then request that others ask you the same.

We make better decisions when we can credibly justify our decisions

The Value of Why —

Why is a simple question, but it has a profound impact.

Why defines reality, which is the starting point for success. It reveals our intentions and true motives which encourages honesty and integrity. And it sharpens the choices we make when we cross-examine ourselves.

Learning to use why? throughout our decision-making process improves the quality of our decisions and our lives.

A simple question — but with significant potential.