One Simple Hack To Keep Your Marriage Strong

Summary

The article describes a method for maintaining a strong marriage by using Pinterest to find conversation starters that help couples continue to learn about each other, fostering a sense of ongoing discovery and connection.

Abstract

The author shares a personal experience of rekindling the initial spark of their marriage through a simple hack found on Pinterest. By searching for 'Questions to ask your husband/wife,' the couple has managed to keep their conversations fresh and engaging, even after six years and two children. This practice, inspired by the book "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman, aligns with the author's love language of quality time and has become a daily routine that turns mundane tasks into exciting opportunities for deeper connection. The article emphasizes the importance of not making assumptions about one's partner and recognizes that people evolve over time. By consistently asking each other questions, the couple ensures their emotional bond remains strong, much like maintaining the proper oil level in a car to prevent damage.

Opinions

The author believes that the initial wonder and interest in a relationship can fade over time but can be preserved through intentional effort.
Engaging in meaningful conversations using prompts found on Pinterest is an effective way to keep the connection alive in a marriage.
Regularly asking questions to each other is seen as a way to prevent stagnation and acknowledge the evolving nature of individuals within a relationship.
The author highly recommends Gary Chapman's book "The 5 Love Languages" as a valuable resource for understanding and nurturing relationships.
The act of consistently communicating and learning about each other is compared to maintaining a car's oil level, suggesting it is crucial for the health of the marriage.
The author suggests that a lack of connection, not conflict, is the primary source of relationship suffering, and continuous effort to get to know one's partner can mitigate this.

What to do to make every date feel like your first date.

After spending five days a week and nine hours a day together this past year, I feel like I am meeting him for the first time. We walk into a pub after having just gotten off work and sit across from each other. I stare at him in a way I was never able to before. The dim lighting encloses us, and, finally, it’s just him and me.

My husband and I met at work and had a typical office romance. We exchanged flirting glances (mostly him, but I happily reciprocated), and shared a meaningful conversation here and there, but they were never long enough to allow us to savour each other’s company. That night at the pub, I quickly realized why this was going to be more than just an office fling: our conversation was amazing.

That first night — and many nights after — our curiosity for each other sparked the conversation. We were longing to know every single detail about each other’s life, spending countless nights staying up till the sun came out talking.

As many couples can attest to, the initial interest and wonder fade over the years as we start to deconstruct the mystery our partner once had. But, we have discovered a way to keep that curiosity alive.

This one simple hack is from Pinterest.

Six years and two beautiful boys later, our conversations are still as amazing as that night in the pub: intense, engaged, and honest.

So here’s how we use Pinterest. In the search bar, type ‘Questions to ask your husband/wife.’

Choose from the many articles people have written to ask your partner. Some are themed, deep questions, some are ‘never have I ever’ or ‘would you rather’ questions.

This simple exercise is what we do to keep our conversation going. It takes a lot of mental energy to think of things to talk about with your partner, but these prompts make it effortless to connect.

One of my favourite books on relationships is The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it. It’s a very thin but powerful book. My love language is quality time. So this exercise always fills up my love tank.

I am convinced that keeping the emotional love tank full is as important to a marriage as maintaining the proper oil level in an automobile. Running your marriage on an empty love tank may cost you even more than trying to drive your car without oil. — Gary Chapman

When I’m folding laundry and he’s putting away dishes, we start firing questions, and these mundane tasks become an exciting date. To start the day, we also do this activity while having breakfast. The point is that we make the effort to remain connected. Just like trying to free write every day to get better at writing, doing this often gets my husband and me better at communicating.

Here’s another reason doing this is so important. Sometimes, when you’ve been married for a long time, you start to make assumptions about your partner, such as ‘he likes pizza’ or ‘he’s an introvert’. While these assumptions may be true at the time, we need to remember people change.

My husband and I have been doing this for years, and we see questions being repeated over and over again. Even though we’ve answered them before, we ask them again because the answers could change. It’s amazing how much you learn about your partner every time you do this activity.

We’re not stagnant beings — we’re meant to evolve, and rediscovering your partner this way helps you become aware of their evolution.

The root of almost all relationship suffering is not conflict, but, rather, a lack of connection. Never stop getting to know your partner. Ask each other questions just like you did when you started dating, and every date can feel like the magical first date you once had.