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Abstract

a few times over the years. I messaged him, then called him and we spoke for an hour.He was just as surprised.Edwin left suicide notes, including one to the police to confirm he had taken his own life. So that the Airbnb owner wouldn’t have any problems? That was Edwin — sweet, kind, thoughtful. He said in his notes he’d suffered depression since childhood. I had NO idea. How did I miss that?He had googled how to tie a noose two weeks earlier. His family had looked at his phone to try and understand. ‘What did he google before the noose hack?’, I asked? Porn, apparently. That just makes me sadder, it seems so disconnected.He had indeed apparently been disconnected, not contacting anyone for weeks, even though he’d just moved back to Los Angeles from Mexico (he was Mexican-American). He lost his mother two years earlier, fell out with his brother over his decision to be the sole attendee at her funeral (Covid rules), ended his long-term relationship, and moved to Mexico.Maybe he felt he didn’t have anyone? He had wanted people to go down there and see him.It’s hard as we get older. We can’t move around as easily as when we were young, can’t just jump on a plane, can’t join someone in their new adventures when we have a different set of priorities right now. Or different resources.Time marches on.We assume people are busy with their lives, that they have people around them. Could my reaching out more often have helped? For sure, I’m not the only one asking myself this tonight.While we lived oceans apart, we saw each other daily the year we met, and stayed in contact ever since. Five years ago, we all met up again on campus for a college reunion. I flew out to see the gang, five months pregnant, determined not to miss this event. Edwin picked me up from the airport. My old friend!How wonderful to see him. I can’t believe it was the last time.Posts on his Facebook page show the affection people held for him“Sweet, kind” “A bright li

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ght, so positive, warm, and friendly” “Kind, compassionate and positive” “We all lost an incredibly loving soul”<h2 id="a8b4">What my friend’s suicide has just taught me</h2><ul><li>Don’t assume people don’t experience depression just because you don’t see it. My friend suffered for years and I NEVER knew.</li><li>Remember not everyone thinks the way you do. Some people are like onions and some of their layers never get seen. There may be so much below the surface you never see.</li><li>Ask the right questions. Asking a friend what is the lowest they have ever felt might give them the freedom to admit their deepest feelings and give you a gauge of their mental health. To know how vulnerable they can be.</li><li>Respond to missed calls with a text if you can’t pick up. If someone is thinking about you, don’t let them think they don’t count on you. When in fact, they really, really do.</li><li>Don’t just assume they will always be there. Reach out, give people time, be kind.</li><li>You might never REALLY know what’s going on in someone’s mind. Even if you ask.</li></ul>Rest in peace, my dearest friend. May your journey be bathed by golden light.Thanks for reading.If you’d like to read some of my other stories, plus thousands of others on Medium, why not subscribe? Part of your subscription will help writers on Medium.Just hit the link: <a href="https://juliegilders.medium.com/membership">https://juliegilders.medium.com/membership</a>Gracias!<h1 id="0b77">Editorial Insert</h1><blockquote id="4179">If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or self-harm, we encourage you to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1–800–273-TALK (8255).</blockquote><blockquote id="71c9">This lifeline is free and confidential. It is open 24 hours a day and provides support, information, and local resources to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress and those around them. Call for more information or visit <a href="http://www.suicidepreventionhotline.org/">www.suicidepreventionhotline.org</a>.</blockquote></article></body>

Mental Health

One Of My Oldest Friends Just Took His Life In An Airbnb

No one even knew he was depressed

I met Edwin as a student doing an exchange program in California. He become my best friend on campus, he made romantic moves a few times but I was crazy about his best friend. When my sister came out to visit, he got together with her. Later he had a romance with my roommate, then also my neighbour. He liked the girls, that was for sure.

Of all the people I met back in those days, he is the one I stayed in contact with the most. We made a pact. If we were unmarried by age 30, maybe we’d think about marrying each other. Years later, he reminded me of the pact, and we met up in Mexico for a holiday. I was back in the UK by then, but never needed much persuasion to travel. We had fun, a wonderful catch-up, but the romance was not on the cards.

I loved Edwin. He was deep, empathic, sensitive and kind. But also pompous, a bit intense, and convinced he knew best. He had a strong personality, liked to push people’s buttons, or stir things up, but he was a good person — a kind soul, a Buddhist, a carer to his mother.

I found out about his death when my sister called to see if I’d seen his Facebook page. No, what? His brother had posted the news.

The news that he died was one thing, but that he chose to go? I still can’t believe it. He hung himself with a noose. In an Airbnb apparently rented for the purpose.

I looked for signs in his messages to me over the months. He appeared as online! Yes, of course. His brother now had his phone. We’d met a few times over the years. I messaged him, then called him and we spoke for an hour.

He was just as surprised.

Edwin left suicide notes, including one to the police to confirm he had taken his own life. So that the Airbnb owner wouldn’t have any problems? That was Edwin — sweet, kind, thoughtful. He said in his notes he’d suffered depression since childhood. I had NO idea. How did I miss that?

He had googled how to tie a noose two weeks earlier. His family had looked at his phone to try and understand. ‘What did he google before the noose hack?’, I asked? Porn, apparently. That just makes me sadder, it seems so disconnected.

He had indeed apparently been disconnected, not contacting anyone for weeks, even though he’d just moved back to Los Angeles from Mexico (he was Mexican-American). He lost his mother two years earlier, fell out with his brother over his decision to be the sole attendee at her funeral (Covid rules), ended his long-term relationship, and moved to Mexico.

Maybe he felt he didn’t have anyone? He had wanted people to go down there and see him.

It’s hard as we get older. We can’t move around as easily as when we were young, can’t just jump on a plane, can’t join someone in their new adventures when we have a different set of priorities right now. Or different resources.

Time marches on.

We assume people are busy with their lives, that they have people around them. Could my reaching out more often have helped? For sure, I’m not the only one asking myself this tonight.

While we lived oceans apart, we saw each other daily the year we met, and stayed in contact ever since. Five years ago, we all met up again on campus for a college reunion. I flew out to see the gang, five months pregnant, determined not to miss this event. Edwin picked me up from the airport. My old friend!

How wonderful to see him. I can’t believe it was the last time.

Posts on his Facebook page show the affection people held for him

“Sweet, kind” “A bright light, so positive, warm, and friendly” “Kind, compassionate and positive” “We all lost an incredibly loving soul”

What my friend’s suicide has just taught me

Don’t assume people don’t experience depression just because you don’t see it. My friend suffered for years and I NEVER knew.
Remember not everyone thinks the way you do. Some people are like onions and some of their layers never get seen. There may be so much below the surface you never see.
Ask the right questions. Asking a friend what is the lowest they have ever felt might give them the freedom to admit their deepest feelings and give you a gauge of their mental health. To know how vulnerable they can be.
Respond to missed calls with a text if you can’t pick up. If someone is thinking about you, don’t let them think they don’t count on you. When in fact, they really, really do.
Don’t just assume they will always be there. Reach out, give people time, be kind.
You might never REALLY know what’s going on in someone’s mind. Even if you ask.

Rest in peace, my dearest friend. May your journey be bathed by golden light.

Thanks for reading.

If you’d like to read some of my other stories, plus thousands of others on Medium, why not subscribe? Part of your subscription will help writers on Medium.

Just hit the link: https://juliegilders.medium.com/membership

Gracias!

Editorial Insert

If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or self-harm, we encourage you to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1–800–273-TALK (8255).

This lifeline is free and confidential. It is open 24 hours a day and provides support, information, and local resources to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress and those around them. Call for more information or visit www.suicidepreventionhotline.org.