One Notable Exception

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Abstract

course, I know that out of necessity, human beings have always broken wind, publicly, privately, and otherwise (meaning under the bedclothes, etc.). Yes, the consequences of failing to break wind can be devastating, not only to the body’s ability to process food and dispose of its byproducts. (When a kid, I was taught to say ka-ka or wee-wee, or sorry, I tooted.)Anyway, it’s becoming harder to save Jenny from my embarrassing explosions. When putting on my shoes, these spontaneous combustions, when exercising, or waking Jenny from sleep, once delayed by the pinching of my sphincter, are now unstoppable.In twenty years, I’ve never heard Jenny have a bum-cough. Though, between you and me, she has started carrying a personal fan in her purse. Which used skillfully, could push her fra

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grance down several airplane seat rows. But, honestly, just the idea that anything remotely offensive might be heard leaving such a perfect arse is challenging to imagine. As Jenny has become an older woman, she proudly carries an array of personal toiletry items and accessories that have changed down the years. While ostensibly for show, could they have a secretive purpose? The dispersement, distraction, and concealment of even the quietest Jenny bum-coughs?My drinking friends have no shyness about declaring the silent and deadly passing of vapors. It is a sign of nobleness.So, as well as being the most fortunate man in the world to love Jenny, the bonus is she is hermetically sealed.Farting in the bathtub, of course, is her only notable exception.</article></body>

Bubbles in the bathtub give her away

Image: Author

After twenty years, I’m still embarrassed to have a bum-cough in front of Jenny. I try everything to avoid having her within hearing range, let alone share my scented air. When it comes upon me, as it appears to do more frequently as I have gotten older, breaking wind silently has become an art form. Finding ways to distract notice has become particularly difficult. Hermetically sealed window units, being just one of the many obstacles in the course of my attempts to disperse, disguise, and then misdirect Jenny’s notice.

Yes, of course, I know that out of necessity, human beings have always broken wind, publicly, privately, and otherwise (meaning under the bedclothes, etc.). Yes, the consequences of failing to break wind can be devastating, not only to the body’s ability to process food and dispose of its byproducts. (When a kid, I was taught to say ka-ka or wee-wee, or sorry, I tooted.)

Anyway, it’s becoming harder to save Jenny from my embarrassing explosions. When putting on my shoes, these spontaneous combustions, when exercising, or waking Jenny from sleep, once delayed by the pinching of my sphincter, are now unstoppable.

In twenty years, I’ve never heard Jenny have a bum-cough. Though, between you and me, she has started carrying a personal fan in her purse. Which used skillfully, could push her fragrance down several airplane seat rows. But, honestly, just the idea that anything remotely offensive might be heard leaving such a perfect arse is challenging to imagine. As Jenny has become an older woman, she proudly carries an array of personal toiletry items and accessories that have changed down the years. While ostensibly for show, could they have a secretive purpose? The dispersement, distraction, and concealment of even the quietest Jenny bum-coughs?

My drinking friends have no shyness about declaring the silent and deadly passing of vapors. It is a sign of nobleness.

So, as well as being the most fortunate man in the world to love Jenny, the bonus is she is hermetically sealed.

Farting in the bathtub, of course, is her only notable exception.