One Magical Teaching From Professor Psilocybin
How I learned to conquer my neurosis by microdosing magic mushrooms
Let’s start here: I am a massive believer in the therapeutic use of psychedelic plant medicine. I am a supporter of the renaissance emerging to bring psychedelics to the mainstream to ensure accessibility for anyone who might find them useful. I trust that the breakthrough research that is accompanying this rebirth will finally destigmatize the use, provide legitimacy for, and prove the efficacy of these drugs (medicines) for the safe intervention of a variety of psychological complexities we face as a human race.
One of those complexities being neurosis.
Neurosis is a complicated thing. It seems to be a catch-all word used to describe various anxious and depressive behavior that can’t be linked to one specific physical cause. The misunderstanding and often overuse of the word doesn’t really provide the person who is facing the destruction caused by neurotic behavior with any real hope for how to overcome it. And I believe neurosis is more commonly experienced than we like to admit. I also believe it is easier to overcome than ever before.
You’ve likely run up against neurosis yourself and maybe didn’t even realize it.
Have you ever denied something you knew to be true because it was just too unpleasant to deal with? Have you ever rationalized unacceptable behavior by backing up your actions with what you felt to be acceptable reasoning? Have you ever isolated yourself in a social situation because you didn’t feel comfortable with the way you looked, acted, sounded, or felt?
The problem with neurosis is that it can be so subtle you don’t even realize you’re experiencing it. And while we do not consider it to be a medical condition, it does use the same language.
Breaking Down Neurosis
I’ve redefined neurosis as:
Irrational concern and obsessiveness brought on by the conditioning of the personality through various felt influences and past lived experiences.
It is clear to me, based on my experience, that the neurotic patterns that follow us in our day-to-day lives are programmed by past events, and behavior mirroring.
Once I understood that definition of neurosis for myself, and realized how it was hardwired from my past, I was able to find a way out, I just had to look.
The answer was hidden in the understanding that my personality was just a false representation of who I think I am, created from old environmental and societal conditioning.
Ironically, the word personality comes from the Latin root ‘persona’, which in the ancient world was used to describe the mask worn by an actor. So if what we call neurosis is just a personality trait, then it is simply a layer of who we are programmed to be that we haven't yet figure out how to rewire.
Or put more eloquently and with a little more heart, neurosis is an unnecessary mask created from the past, concealing our identity, truth, freedom and love.
The Neurotic Cycle
In my experience with neurosis, there is a consistent cycle that is hard to describe and hard to break. Often times it is a perpetual state of being that can’t be stopped because it is hard to even see. Here is my attempt at describing how that cycle plays out in a typical day.
- Slightly anxious to moderately anxious thinking that ebbs and flows leading to unnecessary and sometimes destructive behavior (irrational anger, substance abuse, etc.)
- Underlining or lower level of sadness that persists throughout the day creating a cloudy filter over the view of everyday life.
- Obsessive-compulsive tendencies, bordering on harmful self-inflicting behavior, often leading to a deflated sense of self-worth.
- Habitual negative patterns that persist uncontrollably, leading to higher levels of frustration, depression, and unconscious rage, leaving behind a feeling of lack and false belief in the inability to achieve, or succeed.
Luckily, I found something that has helped me to create freedom from this unrelenting cycle and allowed me to take off the mask of my personality in order to live free from the incessant anxious chatter, unconscious behavior, and inability to feel fulfilled.
The Magical Microdosing Benefit I Didn’t See Coming
Before I started microdosing 18 months ago or so, I didn’t even really understand the concept of neurosis, let alone believe I had some form of it. I was just hoping to find a tool to allow me to be more productive at work, which I did. Yet with every cycle, I began to see how my mind worked and how damaging it had been all these years. I became acutely aware of how my past experiences impacted my emotions and how my emotions impacted my thoughts.
Keep in mind this is all anecdotal. There is increasingly strong scientific evidence continuing to emerge to show the cognitive-behavioral benefits of microdosing psilocybin, specifically related to convergent and divergent thinking, that help improve creativity and cognitive flexibility, among a whole host of other benefits like improving mood, reducing stress, increasing energy, breaking addiction, and enhancing concentration. But this is just my experience.
Above: a color-coded graphical representation of neural connections in the brain during a study comparing the effects of psilocybin vs. placebo.
What happened to me over the course of this microdosing journey is I realized that I have been in my own way, excessively consumed by my neurotic mind and addicted to the negative self-talk that narrated my day. I finally became aware of the choice that I had to reshape the way that I treated myself and those around me, which in turn reshaped my whole life.
Instead of the moderate anxiety I carried with me each day, I now feel a sense of calm and ease, removing the clutter of false belief and seeing the truth in almost every experience.
Instead of running away with a made-up idea of a situation, I can now tap into my problem-solving skills to find a single solution needed to get me out of almost any negative environment, unpleasant emotion or experience.
Instead of feeling down about myself and dissatisfied with everyday life, I wake up energized and excited for what the day brings.
Instead of overthinking every potential scenario before taking an action, I tap into my newfound metacognition to become aware of my thought patterns and easily see how they impact my decision making and emotions.
Instead of compulsively overreacting to every negative thought pattern or behavior, I now channel quiet discipline and unwavering trust, removing any self-inflicting harm and replacing it with self-love and self-belief.
Some of this might sound like easy things to overcome, but for me they were monumental. I consider overcoming neurosis to be one of my biggest personal accomplishments. And while I know that psilocybin is an incredibly valuable tool, there is a lot of other work that goes on behind the scenes to maintain this newly discovered peace.
In Reflection…
I believe that no drug, medicine, tool or exercise will ever cure us of the mental anguish that resides inside of our fickle bodies without patience, discipline, belief, and trust. What is true to me is that we can have it all once we realize that what we have is enough and that true internal peace comes by letting go of the constant pursuit of something more from a place in which we believe we have none.
My journey with microdosing has drastically changed my life for the better. My work, my relationships, and my mindset have all improved dramatically. I look forward to the future where the paradigm shifts and this experience is accessible for everyone that needs assistance.
While I believe psilocybin has created new neuropathways to help my brain develop new skills that increase my mental capacity, I now find myself able to utilize those abilities without the magical compound. I feel more confident in my power to naturally access more of my emotional awareness and innate potential.
— I finally feel alive —
“A master in the art of living draws no sharp distinction between his work and his play; his labor and his leisure; his mind and his body; his education and his recreation. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence through whatever he is doing, and leaves others to determine whether he is working or playing. To himself, he always appears to be doing both.” ― Francois Auguste De Chateaubriand
I do not endorse or recommmend the use of psychedelics without the advice and supervision of a trained health professional. For more information on the protocol that I used during my time with microdosing please visit this link.
This post is part of my $100,000 journey into re-building my mind, body, and inner-self through a series of uncommon experiences that completely transformed my life. Head over here to view more.
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