Once, I was depressed but didn’t even know

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clinic thoroughly and note down things that I would have in my clinic and also the ones that I would never have. Aquarium, A/C topped my must-haves. Making the patients wait was the top not to have.When I got my 12th results, I was disappointed, to say the least. I cried a lot and blamed myself for not studying harder. The only medical school that I could get admission to was a remote regional dental school. I never wanted to become a dentist because as a child I always hated dentists 🙂.When I could not get into medical school, I felt as if my life is over. I wished I am gone far away from all the people who know me. I didn’t want to study further. I was depressed. But at those times being depressed was not an option. I was kind of forced to get going.I got these thoughts every day for months. I stopped going out much. I deliberately lost contact with all my school classmates. I wanted to punish myself.<figure id="16d9"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*8ZPZ7__yaZfAfBCM1Bnhsg.jpeg"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://www.pexels.com/@elijahsad?utm_content=attributionCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pexels">Elijah O’Donnell</a> from <a href="https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-lying-on-floor-3473517/?utm_content=attributionCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pexels">Pexel

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s</a></figcaption></figure>My family was the saving grace. They kept believing in me and assured me that there are many other fields that I can explore. After too much pampering, I was half-convinced that doing B. E with Computer Science is the way to go.But I got a second blow. For B.E. Computer Science, I could not get into the university in my native city. Which meant I had to stay in a hostel away from my family. I got more depressed and thought of how much of a loser I was that I can’t even get into the university I want to.In the first few days of college, the ragging by seniors, staying away from my family, my inability to make friends, and the packed schedule of the day was killing me. Luckily just after 3 weeks, I got a call from my home city university that a seat in Computer Science is vacant and if I want I can join it.That one good news brought hope back into my young life.I am fortunate that I didn’t get worse from that point when I was feeling low about myself. I believe 3 things helped me in getting better:<ul><li>Support from my family and friends</li><li>The fact that I didn’t even know what I was going through was depression</li><li>Luck</li></ul>Hope those who suffer from depression are able to save themselves and get back up again just as I was able to!</article></body>

I considered myself a failure

A statement that I heard frequently in my childhood:

Hello, Doctor Saab!

I would never ask not to be called a Doctor. As in my mind, that is what I was going to be eventually.

I tasted early success during my school times

Got promoted to Class 1 directly from Junior Kindergarten, eliminating the need for going to Senior Kindergarten. A complete year saved!

Always achieved amongst the first 3 ranks in class throughout my schooling.

Teacher’s favorite student.

Respect from fellow classmates for being so “intelligent”.

These got to my mind and I thought I have nailed it. While I was growing up, becoming a doctor was a big deal for my family. And these achievements at school were only making me feel that my fate has been sealed.

When I used to visit a doctor myself, I would check the clinic thoroughly and note down things that I would have in my clinic and also the ones that I would never have. Aquarium, A/C topped my must-haves. Making the patients wait was the top not to have.

When I got my 12th results, I was disappointed, to say the least. I cried a lot and blamed myself for not studying harder. The only medical school that I could get admission to was a remote regional dental school. I never wanted to become a dentist because as a child I always hated dentists 🙂.

When I could not get into medical school, I felt as if my life is over. I wished I am gone far away from all the people who know me. I didn’t want to study further. I was depressed. But at those times being depressed was not an option. I was kind of forced to get going.

I got these thoughts every day for months. I stopped going out much. I deliberately lost contact with all my school classmates. I wanted to punish myself.

My family was the saving grace. They kept believing in me and assured me that there are many other fields that I can explore. After too much pampering, I was half-convinced that doing B. E with Computer Science is the way to go.

But I got a second blow. For B.E. Computer Science, I could not get into the university in my native city. Which meant I had to stay in a hostel away from my family. I got more depressed and thought of how much of a loser I was that I can’t even get into the university I want to.

In the first few days of college, the ragging by seniors, staying away from my family, my inability to make friends, and the packed schedule of the day was killing me. Luckily just after 3 weeks, I got a call from my home city university that a seat in Computer Science is vacant and if I want I can join it.

That one good news brought hope back into my young life.

I am fortunate that I didn’t get worse from that point when I was feeling low about myself. I believe 3 things helped me in getting better:

Support from my family and friends

The fact that I didn’t even know what I was going through was depression

Luck

Hope those who suffer from depression are able to save themselves and get back up again just as I was able to!