On Wheaton’s Law: Don’t Be a Dick

A Dear Jackrabbit letter about character

This is part of a series of letters I wrote to my son the year following his birth. It has been edited lightly, but maintains the thrust of the original “Dear Jackrabbit” letter.

I wrote about a lot of things after Jack was born. Some silly. Some serious.

I’ll let you decide where this falls. My apologies if the language seems a touch salty in spots.

Dear Jackrabbit,

Today I’m going to talk, in a rambling sort of way, about character. And we’re going to introduce the topic by citing Wheaton’s Law — a very simple and quick rule.

Don’t be a dick.

First, a little bit of background. Like… who is this Wheaton fellow?

By the time you’re old enough to really comprehend these letters, you’ll probably know Wil Wheaton as another old man, like your dad, who prattles on about games and other nerdy things.

He’s an actor who, when he was young, got typecast by some roles he played.* For years he felt sidelined and discouraged by this typecasting and had some rough years.

Then he got past all that and went on to reinvent himself to become a kind of King of the Nerds (that’s a Good Thing).

As for Wheaton’s Law, that came out of a keynote speech he gave about fifteen years ago in which he pretty much told people to be more sportsmanlike in gaming, and, well… not to be dicks.

But Wheaton’s Law has grown to mean much more over the past decade and a half and can be applied to many things in life.

Don’t be a dick.

We’ve been going through some interesting times of late. Many people (a minority, but a fretfully loud minority) think being a dick is a positive quality. That it makes them seem assertive or in possession of leadership qualities.

It doesn’t.

In fact, more the opposite is true as being a dick reveals a serious character flaw.

It reveals insecurity and fear.

Ever notice how when someone pulls a dick move in traffic or cuts in line for something that, when they get called out on it, they refuse to take responsibility and deflect back to you? Often angrily?

They know in their black little hearts they’ve done wrong, but cannot give a single inch toward admitting it publicly because they’re afraid to be seen as weak. It is by doing just that which reveals their weakness.

Funny how that works.

Know this, my son — civility is not weakness. It is our greatest strength and part of what defines us as a species.

You’ll read about Donald Trump in history class, and maybe even see some asterisks referring to the alt-Right, Gamergate and the Sad Puppies. There existed phenomena in which certain people had trouble accepting that society and culture continue to inch toward more inclusiveness and recognition of our diversity.

Change can be a little scary — especially if you’ve never been seriously challenged before. Just the same, you’ll wonder what on Earth was going on at this time — kind of like how we, today, can’t understand how this country once kept slaves and how a large part of the country went to war over the right to own other human beings.

It may sound discouraging when things like this occur, but the good news is that progress is pretty much unstoppable. We advance in our civility and our belief in making this a better world.

Sometimes it is at an excruciatingly slow pace, but those who would keep us back have never won in the end.

Not once.

Here in the United States of America, we do not live under the divine right of kings. We are not ruled by priests or witch doctors. Women, I hear, are allowed to both own property and have their own bank accounts. (This was not always the case.)

So take heart, my son, in the “Don’t be a dick” law. It will serve you and humanity better than you might realize right now.

It will take time, and many people may get hurt in the process, but things always get better so long as there are fewer dicks than there are the rest of us. The trick is not to grow complacent.

The trick is to be aware.

Treat people with dignity. Unless they’re hurting someone, always afford people the same respect you would ask of yourself.

We’re all in this together.

While not every idea or opinion is equal, you don’t have to be a dick about it. Try to see things from their perspective and show some empathy, but also don’t let dicks get away with their bullshit either.

Remember, you were born a human being. Everything else — nationality, ethnicity, religion, gender identity, Pokemon Go team–all of those are mere circumstances. Sometimes they’re positive circumstances, sometimes they’re not. Don’t let your advantages keep someone else from getting the same dignity and respect you expect for yourself.

It seems simple, but it can be difficult at times.

You have to learn to be aware of others, and of others’ experiences.

Don’t be a dick.

There is another rule worth mentioning. It’s called The Golden Rule — partly because it’s one of those rules that shows up in nearly every religion and faith.

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Words to live by.

Seriously.

And consider this…

This also means you can accept being called out on your own dickish behavior. If someone points out to you that something you’ve done or said isn’t really cool… don’t get all defensive or lash out at them. Consider their viewpoint and see if they aren’t correct.

Lord knows I’ve been called out a few times for lazy thinking because I wasn’t thinking beyond myself or my own limited experiences. I like to think I’ve learned from those experiences and I try not to make the same mistake twice.

I think I’ve become a better person for recognizing truth when it is told to me.

Has Wil Wheaton never been a dick? I’m sure he has. He’s as human as the rest of us. Having followed his career for a long time, I can also state with confidence that he also always tries to be better than he was the day before. So should we all.

You are never too young to learn, and never too old to learn.

Regarding Wheaton’s Law, it was originally a statement about sportsmanship in gaming, but it has since turned into a statement about making sure everyone has the same opportunities you might take for granted. Everyone gets to play. Everyone gets an opportunity for a good education, for health care, for dignity, and to be a comic book superhero.

Everyone deserves justice.

It’s about character, self-respect, and respecting others.

It’s really not that hard.

Don’t be a dick.

All my love.

– Dad

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