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Abstract

magnets together. My insides were filled with an energy of resistance. And I knew I needed to pay attention to what that inner resistance was telling me.I decided then that I’d rather be alone and lonely than to be lonely with someone standing next to me.So I left him at the top of that mountain and descended by myself into the dark and misty valley below.I lingered in the valley for a time, full of sorrow and pain. While there, I got to know the valley’s color. I became familiar with its trees and its soil. The soft moss of its undergrowth held me. I buried myself in its darkness.In that dim space, something inside me was changing. Something was growing. Something was beginning to sprout.What emerged resembled the chartreuse green of early spring leaves. I felt myself unfurling. I was opening up. I wanted to see the sun again.Slowly, I ventured out. The sunlight streaming through the thinning trees at the valley’s edge beckoned me. Up ahead, another mountain whispered my name. I could see the trailhead of a winding path to its summit. I felt ready to explore it on my own.I wasn’t sure where I was going to end up, but my soul knew the di

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rection. I decided to trust it. Little by little, step by step, I began making the climb.I’d like to say the journey up the path was easy, but it wasn’t always so. There were days when my steps were solid and sure. There were days when I sat down and cried. Days when I made great advances, and days when I tumbled back down.Over time, I rose above the treetops of the lonely valley’s floor. I felt the warmth of the sun. I felt myself smile.It was a real smile this time. A smile from my soul. A smile that made me laugh.On that day, I discovered I was no longer lonely. On this winding path up the mountain, I’d reached a place called solitude.It’s a comfortable place. It’s a quiet place. It’s a place where I can be myself.While on this soul journey, I’ve discovered what I’m made of. I see who I am on the inside. I can laugh at my quirks. I’ve found happiness in my own company.Someday, I’d welcome having a partner by my side to share my happiness. We’ll walk our path together; this time holding hands.Until then, my solitude is a sweet place to be.<a href="undefined">Kasey Sparks</a>, © 2021</article></body>

SELF-LOVE

On the Other Side of Loneliness

I found a place called solitude

My marriage was a lonely place.

Although we climbed the mountain of success together, we didn't do it holding hands. We climbed it by following separate rocky trails.

And when I arrived at the top of that mountain and looked around, what I saw was different from what he saw. We were on the same mountain, yet our views were completely different.

Our souls lacked connection. My pasted-on smile hid my unhappiness. My heart was heavy with the realization that I didn’t enjoy the view from where I was or the person who was up there with me.

That realization was a lonely place to be.

My mind tried hard to change what my heart was feeling. But changing the way I felt was like trying to force two north magnets together. My insides were filled with an energy of resistance. And I knew I needed to pay attention to what that inner resistance was telling me.

I decided then that I’d rather be alone and lonely than to be lonely with someone standing next to me.

So I left him at the top of that mountain and descended by myself into the dark and misty valley below.

I lingered in the valley for a time, full of sorrow and pain. While there, I got to know the valley’s color. I became familiar with its trees and its soil. The soft moss of its undergrowth held me. I buried myself in its darkness.

In that dim space, something inside me was changing. Something was growing. Something was beginning to sprout.

What emerged resembled the chartreuse green of early spring leaves. I felt myself unfurling. I was opening up. I wanted to see the sun again.

Slowly, I ventured out. The sunlight streaming through the thinning trees at the valley’s edge beckoned me. Up ahead, another mountain whispered my name. I could see the trailhead of a winding path to its summit. I felt ready to explore it on my own.

I wasn’t sure where I was going to end up, but my soul knew the direction. I decided to trust it. Little by little, step by step, I began making the climb.

I’d like to say the journey up the path was easy, but it wasn’t always so. There were days when my steps were solid and sure. There were days when I sat down and cried. Days when I made great advances, and days when I tumbled back down.

Over time, I rose above the treetops of the lonely valley’s floor. I felt the warmth of the sun. I felt myself smile.

It was a real smile this time. A smile from my soul. A smile that made me laugh.

On that day, I discovered I was no longer lonely. On this winding path up the mountain, I’d reached a place called solitude.

It’s a comfortable place. It’s a quiet place. It’s a place where I can be myself.

While on this soul journey, I’ve discovered what I’m made of. I see who I am on the inside. I can laugh at my quirks. I’ve found happiness in my own company.

Someday, I’d welcome having a partner by my side to share my happiness. We’ll walk our path together; this time holding hands.

Until then, my solitude is a sweet place to be.