On Stopping My Anxiety Meds and Just Breathing Instead

This is not a rejection of western medicine, just a change I am making for myself

Months ago, I wrote about my anxiety. I wrote at a time when it was under control via medication. The waves of uncertainty and panic had mostly passed, and I had adjusted well to the low dose of Lexapro that I was on.

It has been a year since I started this medication. My doctor was great about discussing all the side effects, and we decided together that this was a good option. Even at that time, medication was meant to be a short-term solution, as most of my anxiety seemed to be triggered by specific events.

I have since made the decision to taper off this medication.

The decision did not come lightly. Studies have shown that SSRIs have many side effects, including weight gain, headaches, nausea, and other mild symptoms.

During the first few weeks of taking this medication, I experienced nausea and almost stopped altogether. Since I was still going through a bought of anxiety, I pushed through it until that symptom faded away.

Because, for me, the meds made a huge difference during a time when I needed them most. After a month on them, I was able to regulate those feelings with a lot more control than I previously had. I felt like I could breathe again, and I was not bogged down by irrational worries or constantly imagining worst-case scenarios. At my worst, I was incessantly googling statistics on anything from COVID deaths to plane crashes to secondary drownings after watching my kids bask in the waters of the shallow pool in our backyard.

The relief was welcome and hard-earned.

So, what has changed?

The most important factor in my decision is that most of my triggers have been squashed. Covid is in a relatively better spot, the world is returning to normal, and my kids are now attending preschool daily, providing me with space and quiet that had been denied before this fall.

The next reason might sound superficial, but I assure you, it feels very real and consequential to me. Long-term use of SSRIs in particular leads to more side effects. I have slowly gained about 10% of my body weight over the last six months. My sex drive has diminished, as has my self-confidence. My body does not feel the way I like, and this is having a negative impact on my overall mental and physical health. My clothes are too tight, I do not have my usual energy levels, and I just don’t feel great. My hope is that by changing things up, I can start to feel active and healthy again.

And finally, there have been studies showing that meditation and breathing exercises are potentially as effective as medications at controlling anxiety. I know this intuitively, and by experience as well. In the middle of the few panic attacks I have experienced, focusing on breathwork or the rhythm of certain poetry was the most effective way to get some immediate relief. That and Ativan- but that wasn’t available the first few times and until it kicked in, I still had to rely on my own tricks to deal with the misery of those attacks. My rationalist self would never let my intuition and anecdotal evidence alone dictate treatment, but now that this is becoming more studied and well-known, it seems like a decent path to wander down in my quest to keep my mind and body healthy.

So here goes the next part of this journey. I will be working on myself by focusing on my body in terms of mindful eating and exercise and nourishing my mental health by breathing and meditating. I will do this in consultation with my doctor, and with the support of my amazing husband.

And if I need to turn back to meds to keep this beast at bay, I will not hesitate. Because ultimately there is no shame in using any of the tools at our disposal to manage anxiety, depression, or any other issue that we experience. We all need to find what works best for us.

Wish me luck!

Here’s my original article about my anxiety:

Here are some posts that others might enjoy- even though they may not directly relate to anxiety:

This one by Sophie Brozac with some great reminders to love ourselves:

Or this by Grace Bianco on how slow times make for fewer stories but sure do quiet anxious minds:

And finally, this piece by Brett Jenae Tomlin that so perfectly encapsulates one of my anxiety triggers and shows how growth is possible when you can challenge yourself:

And some articles for reference:

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