On Medium: Kindness, Moving On, Letting Go, Agreeing to Disagree

Can we keep Medium to be an open platform for inspiration vs. a writers-attack-writers soap opera?

Is it just me? Do you see people being mean at people for being mean? We go around judging people about judging people, and showing intolerance because somebody is intolerant.

Do you know what that does?

It makes the “other” more righteous. It puts us into a never-ending snake story. Like children on the playground, we hear nothing but “he started it…” all over the news and even on Medium.

It also causes us to lose touch with logic and being logical. If we want to see more kindness, doesn’t it make more sense to be kind in every situation?

This is not a political piece in any way, and I do hope that it doesn’t come across that way. Although it might come across as being hypocritical in some ways, and so be it. I’ll use my hypocrisy tokens for this one.

I just wish we could all have a “Be Kind” message flash on our screens when we sit down to write.

I joined Medium a long time ago, more as a reader back then than a writer, then as a place to voice my experiences and learnings about the environment and oceans. I was looking forward to reading articles written about the environment, business, leadership, and creative non-fiction stories on our day-to-day. Lately, things have changed around here as my feed is more filled with personal accounts of one writer with another, if I can get through the “making a gazillion bucks an hour on Medium” and “how Medium left me behind” stories… Is there any point to these articles except as clickbait — get as many followers, read on the story, and never mind your passion.

This is also not about one specific way of being kind or a “how-to” about agreeing to disagree. However, one specific event inspired me to write this article after reading another ranting, complaining piece about a particular writer/editor on Medium and learning about her getting booted from a publication.

Why write about this now?

See, I’d had it with my own negativity towards some people in the last few weeks, perhaps months…

I don’t bash people publicly and don’t rant in their faces. Meanwhile, internally I feel like an overly overdone watermelon… oozy, sticky, red, full of seeds, waiting to be cracked open so I can just let all that nonsense out for no good reason. It’s just pent-up frustration, and it’s a reflection of what I’m going through and feeling about myself more than anybody else. And I’ve had it with my own nonsense that takes up much of my mental space.

So I started this thing that I’m only going to speak well about events and people- focus on what will help me stay focused on my path. Let go of the things I don’t want to think about. If I can’t say anything good or constructive, as my grandmother would say, I won't say anything.

This is general. And this is human regardless of whatever other beliefs. If you disagree, the back button is on the upper left.

Keep yourself in check

Like I mentioned, the inspiration to write this came when I realized how worked up I got while reading a story about one of my favorite editors getting kicked off a publication just because some random writer disagreed and got upset over comments and suggestions she received from the editor. I read the comments on the complaining article, and she was clapping 50 times for comments that were bashing the publication where the entire thing took place. It made no sense.

Most times, humans are free of logic and rationale.

First, complain that an editor in a specific publication doesn’t publish your article due to the editor’s suggestions/errors.

Then, get the editor kicked off the publication.

Then, get the said article published in said publication.

Then, bash the publication as being garbage.

People!

Then I realized I could totally do the same, did I not have a self-check. Why not write an article naming names, attacking them for being this way or that, and starting a whole other Medium war? Split the readers into “I’m with her” and “I’m with you” camps. Perhaps gain some following, lose others.

I had to breathe. As I’m practicing non-reaction and working to stay calm, constructive, and stay as me. It was a true hmmm moment. Think kindness. No judgment.

Think about the big picture. One writer gets an experienced, productive, well-established editor kicked off a platform because she disagrees with her and is disappointed with the review comments on a publication she despises?

There is an alternative

I didn’t want to write another ranting article. Instead, I’m forcing myself to keep focused on being kind and only use constructive words. Recognizing where I fail. Correcting course. This, I guess, is that battle going on in my mind.

After all, I don’t know either of these people personally. Not the writer nor the editor, although I’ve previously had interactions with the editor to publish my own articles. Although some of my interactions were filled with suggestions and criticism, I took them and looked at whether they were helpful. I didn’t think that her use of the word “error” was an indication of my writing ability. I wrote her back, and we worked it out. She published ALL the work I ever sent her way. Mostly better than when she first received it.

Think about it — we tell people to be tolerant of and kind to each other and then take on the first opportunity to mudsling somebody for something they’ve done or said that we ultimately only disagree with. We need to learn that disagreements can be good. They give us another perspective. You don’t know what others are going through. If you don’t like the comment from this one editor, there is a gazilliabillion of them out there. Find another.

Be kind

The hatred spewed by writers on to other writers on Medium serves as a perfect little sampling stage for our overall human condition on this planet. In a sense, it’s sad, and it’s funny — like yelling at somebody to not yell. Seriously.

I’m waiting for some people to come back at me saying I’m ranting about ranting. And hopefully, that is not what you get out of this article. Any ranting is due to my ignorance of developing a more graceful way to deliver the message. What I really want people to get is kindness and integrity over righteousness.

We try to paint ourselves into kind, loving, tolerant beings while being mean, intolerant, angry in our daily interactions. We talk about kindness while digging up holes for those we disagree with or those we don’t like.

These are examples of the WTF Chronicles.

Unfollow people you disagree with

People write and read about inconsequential things. We waste time on stories we disagree with. I did it for a long time too. I was addicted to reading stories from a couple of writers I’ve long unfollowed once I realized how much the content was impacting my day and how much of my time it was taking away. Still, sometimes, I find myself bogged down by the negative — how could they think that? why wouldn't they just…- and call myself out on it.

Hence the challenge I’ve taken on for myself now. Only kindness and positive words. If I don’t have something constructive to say, I keep quiet.

If it’s a topic I disagree with, I note how some people might be thinking, not wrong, but different from how I’m thinking. And I move on.

We’re not being kind when we’re scolding others. Everybody doesn’t have to have the same thought process or beliefs as we do. Even writing styles, Hemingway and Vonnegut… both established and well-known writers, each with distinct writing styles. Imagine Hemingway editing Vonnegut’s work? Do you think Vonnegut would try to get him fired from the publication?

Constructive and positive criticism is a fine-tuned skill, and for some reason, most of us have given up on it before even starting.

Write about what makes you light up

I learned from placing my heart into conservation and protecting the voiceless that making people wrong, yelling and screaming, lecturing at every turn never creates a good vibe. The long-lasting impression comes from inspiration, and inspiration usually comes from doing — or sometimes, from a clear, kind word.

Anger hurts and halts; kindness heals and moves. Angry people dig their heals, inspired people try to open roads.

Medium shouldn’t turn into a soap-opera platform

Writing for attention, ranting, and the purpose of harming another should be the first behavior to break Medium rules. Any attack onto other writers should be banned — whether naming names or not. Medium is becoming a soap opera platform finding conflicts and reading the shout-outs and throwbacks from one writer to the next.

Why not keep Medium as an educational, inspiring, creative writing platform?

We have enough garbage to weed through in our daily news feeds, and we don’t need anymore. Anybody who wants to read back and forths can follow some celebrities on a tabloid. But please leave my Medium feed alone. I’m currently having more articles show up about writers on writers and their choices than other topics. How can I get my feed filled with meaningful content? For instance, about the environment, what people are doing to help others, how humanity is moving our human fight forward to make our planet better, etc. Even better-writing tips, Medium challenges, and other topics.

Repurpose your anger to inspire

I’m not saying that everything we write about should be all roses, only the majority. We can picture a group of kids reading our articles and laughing, learning, enjoying, and getting inspired to take action. We’re not writing to receive a nod from grumpy old men — no offense intended to grumpy old men.

Living our ways by example creates alternatives towards what we want, rather than focusing on the stuff and people we don’t want. This is the most difficult aspect for me. Given my PTSD, I have an addictive personality. I tend to focus on things I don’t like and shred them into tiny little pieces in my brain. It’s easier for my brain to form these connections. Thinking and rethinking events, recreating interactions, in constant worry and anxiety. Sometimes for years at a time. Only to find out that the people I’ve been shredding in my brain move ahead, and I end up almost as bitter as Cruella De Vil, unaware. It takes focus and truly conscious hard work to do something different.

It’s difficult for the Cruella in me to focus on killing them with kindness. And yet, I have to remember there is a way. Usually, it’s humor that comes to the rescue.

Move on

If you disagree, move on. Stop wasting time on people you don’t like. Move on to focus on creating what you do like. Stop trying to harm another “I’ll show her” philosophy and focus on pulling somebody up. Write a story sharing a story you read from a less popular author praising what you like. Focus on the good.

It’s a useful practice in life in general too.

Bottomline

The most meaningful thing we can give each other is kindness. We need to check our own reactions and our own behavior when we’re questioning why the world isn’t turning the way we think it should. Constantly judging others on their behavior turns us into mean, righteous, and intolerant people. Empowering others and focusing on keeping our own reactions to something constructive turns us into a better version of ourselves.

If we expect others to be kind, tolerant, logical, rational, loving, etc., the action starts within us. Though much easier said than done and a cliche, kill them with kindness is a powerful and proven approach that works.