On Late Bloomers & Expectations
“A late bloomer,” my last training supervisor said about me in reference to my recent effort to learn a new subject. I wasn’t sure if he meant it as an insult or a deliberation that there might still be some hope for me. This label was no surprise to me. I have known for some time now that I am a late bloomer in certain areas of my life. I had always been way too mature and considered myself an old soul in other areas.
A late-bloomer: what does that exactly mean?
I recently came across a book titled “Thanks for Waiting: The Joy (& Weirdness) of Being a Late Bloomer,” written by Doree Shafrir. The book got me thinking about what it means to be a late bloomer? Who is considered a late bloomer by the standards of, shall I say, the “early bloomers”?
As a noun, the Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a late bloomer as someone who becomes successful, attractive, etc., later in life than other people. The Collins English Dictionary defines it as a person who matures, achieves proficiency in some field or skill, etc., later than such a person is typically expected to.
Before calling me a late bloomer, my supervisor lectured me about being sensitive to the needs of my colleagues whom I had called out for their inability to help me understand the new concepts. Yet, he did not recognize my sensitivity when he called me a late bloomer. He was smiling, but I could see judgment he was hiding behind his smile.
By now, I knew better than to defend myself. What was the point? He had already decided. He regurgitated the psychology behind instruction development and how he could adjust his approach to meet my learning needs. He didn’t know that I had a master’s in instructional design. Still, as a student, I told him what I needed to learn as he took notes on moving forward. I needed people to speak slowly. I needed more time to digest the information because I process it differently from the average population. I should give him some credit because he at least wrote it down, whereas most people would have written me off as one of those who fell on the tail end of the bell curve and probably not worth wasting their time.
Late bloomers & the society
Survival in a society depends a lot on being near the center of the bell curve. Autistics, like me, are definitely nowhere near the centerline. I tried very hard to get near the centerline earlier in my life, but the harder I tried, the farther I got. Nowadays, I don’t even try. I care less about being different, weird, eccentric, and ultimately an outcast. At first, I thought it was cultural, but I realized it was global. Every culture has its own visible and invisible timeline of developing and reaching certain milestones.
Being right on time, early or late in reaching certain milestones, starts as soon as you are born. When did she start walking? When did he start talking? When is she getting married? At thirty — what? She has no chance. When is she having children? The clock is ticking. At forty — a sideways look from one right-on-time developer to another. I can’t even remember how many times I encountered the side-way look of those in my company at something I had said, probably too enthusiastically for their taste. Those side-way looks took hours out of my life. There was end-less rumination after every social encounter. Was it inappropriate to say this? Was it the way I said it? Could I have said it differently? How can I clarify myself when I meet them again? Will I meet them again?
There are so many examples of famous late bloomers in human history. They were probably shamed for being so late when they were alive, but they became an inspiration after they died. Wait, Einstein was a late talker! Wasn’t he born a child prodigy?
Every person in this world was born under different circumstances. Some of us had wealthy parents who gave their children an early start hoping they would succeed earlier. Some of us were not so lucky. Forget being a late bloomer. It would be a miracle if we hit the milestone at all in this life.
We continue to measure ourselves by relative standards and compare apples to oranges. How should one measure themselves instead? There is no single answer. It all depends on our value system. Measure yourself however you choose, but don’t use the same measuring tape for everyone else. Celebrate yourself for whatever goal you achieve at any point in your life. After all, this life belongs only and only to you. Enjoy your journey and watch the world as it blindly runs from one milestone to the next.
References:
- “Late bloomer.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/late%20bloomer. Accessed 16 Jan. 2022
- Definition of late bloomer from the Collins English Dictionary Read about the team of authors behind Collins Dictionaries.
