Summary

The website content discusses an individual's journey with depression and the process of transforming their internal mental landscape from a cage into a flourishing garden, emphasizing the importance of looking outward and engaging with the world to find balance and beauty.

Abstract

The author of the web content reflects on their personal struggle with depression, likening their mind to a garden that requires careful tending. They describe a method of managing thoughts by either "photosynthesizing" positive ones or "composting" negative ones, acknowledging the difficulty of this process on days when self-hatred is overwhelming. The narrative emphasizes the exhaustive nature of managing one's mind and the invisibility of this effort to the outside world. The author finds a turning point when they start to lean into the present moment and appreciate the world's inherent beauty without overanalyzing it. This shift leads to a realization that sustenance comes from engaging with life's moments rather than being trapped in introspection. The author concludes by recommending a piece by Sanni Lark, expressing gratitude to the Medium community, and inviting readers to subscribe to their work.

Opinions

The author views the mind as a garden that can either flourish or wither, depending on how thoughts are managed.
They acknowledge the persistent presence of negative thoughts and the need to question their validity rather than ignoring them.
Depression is personified as a relentless and suffocating force, described as an "asshole" that one must actively escape from.
The author expresses a deep love for their brain and mind, despite the challenges posed by depression.
There is a recognition that the energy and effort put into managing one's mind can be considerable and sometimes overlooked by others.
The author finds value in shifting focus from internal struggles to the external world, discovering a "sustainable energy source" in the present moment.
They advocate for the power of looking outward and finding joy in the world's beauty and the simplicity of life's moments.
The author endorses the work of Sanni Lark and expresses appreciation for the inspiration and support from the Medium community.
There is an invitation for readers to engage further by becoming members of the Medium community and subscribing to the author's stories.

🌻 DEPRESSION | MENTAL ILLNESS 🧠

On Choosing To Look Outward

Escape is possible – The Mind doesn’t have to be a cage, make it a garden 🌸

I’ve spent so much time looking into my mind. So many days scratching away at the past to do better today, tomorrow, and now.

Finding solitude in the tornado. Sunflowers in the night.

Within I Nurture a voluptuous garden. A thriving compost with fat healthy worms, the metaphorical remanence of my suffering.

Each thought enters. I consciously choose to: photosynthesize or compost.

Not ignoring the self-hatred, the venomous internal attacks. Instead, I work to acknowledge and question their value in the garden of my mind.

If I Ignore the thought?

It’ll harp in the background, fighting for my attention. Quietly deciding it knows best. It’s right.

Some days it’s hard to compost. Days I believe the worst of me.

Convinced I am a useless selfish scum on the universe. I’m stupid. There’s no point being here. I deserve nothing but suffering.

Like I said my worms are well fed.

Cultivating pain🥀

The self-hatred sucks you dry. Picking you apart thought by vicious thought. It’s seemingly impossible to escape the punishing cage of your innards.

Depression is an asshole. A suffocating cage I run from with all my might.

I love my brain. I love my mind. I need to remember this when the darkness seeps. When the cold bars start to show. I struggle to catch them? My garden dies a little.

Get Out Of Your Head 🦅

The exhaustion from managing your mind is considerable. The world can’t see how you’re giving your all. Can’t see the work you put into every moment.

Leaning on the now 🧠

The moment I decided to lean into the details, the world split. Forever Changed.

Yes, I could look in. Every day I improved at cultivating a gorgeous mind to reside in. I knew how to face my demons.

But —

Could I see the beauty in every element? Every atom?

Could I look closer without overanalysing the shit out of it?

Was the energy I was seeking here all along?

Only in leaving my garden unattended did I find sustenance.

I escaped the cage with less effort than ever.

I was giving too much! Wasting myself and for what?

Thinking less gave me so much more

Paradox of mind

I stroked the lines on my daughters' feet, without contemplating her future.

I watched my partner pout and poke his tongue out as he concentrated – without asking what he was up to. Or commenting on his cute little quirk.

I left my garden to find irresistible goodness. This beauty consumes me. I’m in love with the moments. The world is too addictive. Too incredible to ignore.

Looking outward is my sustainable energy source. I’d once have thought – I wish I’d found it sooner. I have it now.

Now? Is all I need.

I highly recommend literally anything from Sanni Lark! Want specifics?

Sanni’s piece “How I Was Pushed To Show Up For Myself When It Came To Monetizing My Passion” is a great start 😘 Thanks for being you, you rad woman! You inspire me continuously! xoxo

Bridie D 🌻 Mad writer. Lover of The Simpsons.

Thank you for your choosing to park your attention with my words.

If you found them a valued addition to your garden please respond. Or If you haven’t already, consider joining the Medium community. Become a member, read all the things! 🤓📖

Subscribe to get ALL of my stories in your inbox! ❤