On Being Stubborn, Persistence, and Emotional Control

Instead of being theoretical, let me start by sharing my story.

I Am Nothing If Not Persistent

I am sometimes proud to say: I am nothing if not persistent.

That is the most pronounced trait of myself.

Over the long run, this trait has served me well. When I decided that I am going to do something, I do it. When I encounter difficulty, I go above it, beneath it, around it, and do whatever I can to solve it. I may get discouraged by it, but at the end of the day, the curiosity about the problem always wins out — I will keep at it until I figure it out.

I must say, over the long run, this trait has served me very well.

Stubbornness As A Badge of Honour

Here’s the problem: when the plot thickens, I get stubborn — all the time. I don’t eat, I don’t drink water, I don’t move, I don’t exercise, I don’t take breaks. I get completely absorbed into solving the problem. All told, I could easily sit down to work, thinking that this would be a regular day — but the next time I look up, it would have been easily 12 hours later.

I have always thought of this pattern of work to be in the flow state — something I have no control over. But is it really?

Focused Mode v. Diffuse Mode

When we work intensely, we are in our focused mode. Focus mode is associated with the concentrating abilities of the brain’s prefrontal cortex. we slip into this model to problem-solve, take on analytical thinking, come up with gaming strategies and tactics, etc. The mode is always highly intense when all switches in our cognition are turned on.

On the other hand, the diffuse mode is where we let our attention wander freely. We are not deeply thinking about a particular subject, and our attention is not limited to a certain part of the brain. This allows us to see the bigger picture and get new insights with newly made neural connections.

For decades, psychologists have already figured out that we should deliberately switch between the focused mode and diffuse mode. And their conclusions are not just limited to studying — it extends to all forms of working, competition, and gaming.

RECHARGE: By allowing ourselves to switch from focused mode to relaxed mode, we give a little rest to our prefrontal cortex that we use to focus. This gives it time to recharge so we can have a higher level of focus when we continue playing.

BETTER LEARNING: By switching from focused mode to relaxed mode, we allow our relaxed mode to process the information the focused mode has received, but from a broader perspective. This is a good way to get a better understanding of what happened during the game. It helps to get new insights and it will increase the speed in which we get better at the game.

PREVENTION: Switching regularly to our relaxed mode protects us from over-using our prefrontal cortex. Over-using it can lead to headaches, stress, burnout and so on. By giving it regular breaks you allow some much-needed rest.

TILT PREVENTION: In our relaxed mode we give our build-up emotions the space to cool down a bit. This way we lower our emotional levels, so in the next task, it takes longer before we reach our emotional threshold.

One key component of an effective break is cognitive psychological detachment, which refers to mentally disengaging from work thoughts (Sonnentag & Fritz, 2007). By shifting our focus, detachment helps us to directly reduce work demands that are causing fatigue and to naturally recover (Meijman & Mulder, 2013). Some types of breaks help us to avoid these work-related thoughts better than others (Glynn, Christenfeld, & Gerin, 2002),

Unfortunately, I know all of this.

Traps of a Rabbit Hole

We see the same pattern among noted mathematicians. G.H. Hardy, one of Britain’s leading mathematicians in the first half of the 20th century, would start his day with a leisurely breakfast and close reading of the cricket scores, then he typically did “intense math” from 9 to 1. After lunch, he would be out again, maybe taking a walk or playing tennis. “Four hours creative work a day is about the limit for a mathematician,” he told his friend and fellow Oxford professor C.P. Snow. Hardy’s long-time collaborator John Edensor Littlewood believed that the “close concentration” required to do serious work meant that a mathematician could work “four hours a day or at most five, with breaks about every hour (for walks perhaps).”

Unfortunately, I know all of that too.

Case in point — I have been battling with a particularly thorny problem at work. Every time I made some improvements in one aspect, something else would go wrong. Then I’d move on to solve that new problem, and yet another issue would pop up. This went on for months, and each time an issue popped up, I would spend about 10–12 hours straight, working on it. Yes, you guessed it, I wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t drink water, wouldn’t move, and wouldn’t take breaks — this is all while being aware that I should have. And yes, Hardy’s work routine also flashed across my mind during those times as well, but it was always as if I couldn’t be helped. I get completely absorbed into solving the problem.

Until one day. I realized that the problem was beyond me. I gave up.

It pained me to think of the notion of giving up. So naturally, right before I announce defeat, I pulled several all-nighters to work through the issues, to no avail.

I could laugh now. The whole experience leading to my defeat looks exactly like the clip where Donald Duck fixed the broken clock spring for 12 Hours.

I didn’t see it then. Or at least, I know it cognitively, but it never resonated with me: all I was doing, was falling further and further into the rabbit hole. Inside the rabbit hole was an extensive maze. I was hopelessly getting lost and trapped inside the maze, and becoming more and more distant from the solution of the problem.

“But no, no, I am going to solve this problem”, as I went deeper and deeper into the maze.

Emotional Immaturity

After I had given up, I abandoned the problem for weeks.

You also probably guessed: when I eventually returned to it in the new year, the problem became solvable. It was only then I was able to approach it methodically, and it was then I recognized that my solution approach hadn’t been systematic before. It was more troubleshooting, not systematic problem-solving on a dynamic system. The solution, sadly to say, was quite easy, only I didn’t see that, because I was so far gone that I couldn’t see it if I tried.

Do you know what was happened when I was working that hard?

It was a silent temper tantrum when I became so stubborn when I refuse to do basic self-care.

Persistence might have been a good thing, and I may have been wearing this trait like a badge of honor, but this may not be the best behavior in every situation.

What works the best is to persist over the long run. But tactically, we want to take regular, micro-breaks. Experienced software developers know that the secret to success is to keep showing up, but keep it below 4 hours a day — and never all in one shot. Micro breaks and exercises are crucial in maintaining healthy bodies and healthy minds.

One key point is in what constitutes breaks. We need to get totally out of our focused mode and into the diffuse mode — this meant that we need to avoid any activity that requires our focus, such as analyzing the work we just walked away from, the game we just played, reading, or just thinking deeply about something. It’s okay if we want to do any of those activities, but just don’t count that as your break yet. First, do that activity, and after that start your break and get into your relaxed mode.

Do not confuse the flow state with the dive into the rabbit hole.