On America, Scandinavia, Culture and Motherhood
An outcome I didn’t predict
I’m not quite sure what I envisioned, if anything, when thinking about what life would be like in the United States.
What I did know was that it would be different.
My choice of photos for stories are often more than just a photo. This one, for instance, I chose because I associate New York City with new beginnings and occasional courage. Hence, Manhattan Bridge. I started my journey overseas in the city. The photo is taken outdoors, which is a significant part of who I am. Myself, along with plenty of Scandinavians, grew up with a love for simply being outside.
Scandinavians are topping happiness rankings left and right. They are happy. They are content. There’s no denying that.
So why did I leave?
Long story short, it felt right. That gut feeling.
Diversity and public schools
My husband and I wanted to introduce our kids to a life with more diversity, more options, and the American public school system.
Yes, the public schools.
Some are terrible, I know. It depends on the school district you’re in and how much real estate taxes the district receives. Simply put, how nice and big the homes in the area are.
Having lived in the United States for over five years now, I believe the (highly subsidized) daycares and preschools are of much higher quality in Norway and Scandinavia, if for nothing else, they let kids be kids.
The American ones focus too much on academics. My two-year-old doesn’t need to know ABC — he needs to know how to socialize and have fun playing in the dirt with his peers.
He’s a kid!
The public school system (from first grade) is good in Norway but not great. If you’re an average student, you’ll thrive. If you’re below or above, you may struggle, depending on the support system you have at home.
I’ve experienced in the United States how amazing the teachers have been at seeing each and every student. Those who need an individualized educational plan and those that don’t. The teachers my kids have had go above and beyond for the students. It feels as if the teachers view their profession as more of a calling than simply a job.
That’s more than I can say about the teachers I had in Norway. I once told my high school teacher that I was considering doing a semester abroad in New York focusing on photojournalism. He discouraged it.
I did it anyway.
The degrees, the work, and the parenting
Both my husband and I have degrees we can use in both Norway and the United States. I think life would’ve been harder in America if we didn’t. Because the differences when it comes to having a degree or not might mean you can afford insurance, health care, a house, or not.
It’s not fair, but then again — life isn’t always in America.
In Scandinavia, you can get by fine whether you work an entry-level job in retail or as an experienced attorney at a high-end law firm. Because college and university are free to attend, the majority choose to get a degree.
The toughest part of my adjusting to life in the United States has been on motherhood and work. Being a mom is complex in America.
There are so many distractions that get in the way of moms simply being able to enjoy motherhood. I quit my job in the United States to be able to have my last (unpaid) parental leave. I paid the price afterward. Getting back to the workforce as a mom after an extended “break” was not easy.
In Norway, it was.
My job was there waiting for me, after nine months off. In the United States, I was working my butt off to get back.
Dozens of rejections before it finally clicked.
I wonder why it’s so hard. Society needs women, they need moms.
Oh, well.
The culture and the neighborhoods
What I didn’t expect when moving to the United States was to get close friends. I knew we had my husband’s family but beyond that, I didn’t expect to truly get to know people. It always seemed like such a superficial culture where people don’t really care to about the deep, real stuff.
I was wrong. Twice.
We first lived in a city apartment complex. I was lucky to get a really close friend. We shared life — struggles and joys— daily.
It was a friendship I didn’t know I needed.
When we moved to the suburbs, I started over again, and once again, I did not expect to get close friends. If the city wasn’t superficial, at least the burbs would be.
Plastic fantastic suburbs.
Judgmental me. I was wrong.
I wouldn’t have stayed (somewhat) sane through the pandemic if it wasn’t for the community in our neighborhood. We’d meet up in each other’s driveways, six feet apart, just to catch up. There are social nights, walks, potlucks.
It’s a blessing.
Stable, occasionally boring
Scandinavia can become a bit boring over time.
Stable, for sure.
You will not get fired from your job unless you do something really bad. You will also not climb the ladder career-wise all the way to the top because the hierarchy isn’t really there. Sort of, but not really. There may be some promotions along the way but not nearly to the same degree you see in America. The work-life balance and equality is a dream.
It’s safe and comfortable. I miss that.
But then there’s the weather.
Summers in Norway are like being in some paradise, but they’re short. And it might rain the entire summer. You never know.
There are no guarantees of sunny, blissful days on the beach. Winters are long and cold. It’s fun when it snows and not very fun when it’s some windy mix of snow, hail and rain.
Outcomes, as much as we like to plan them, can be unpredictable. I didn’t plan for my life to turn out the way it did. Looking back, my first friend in America was a lifesaver. She was there for me, and that meant everything. She was there for all the odd questions I had about healthcare and jobs and parenting and food and culture and all of it.
It’s been a lot, dealing with international moves (twice) and adapting to a new culture, especially while raising little kids. There have been some extremely hard days in there. Many good days, too.
We can all plan out our lives down to the tiniest detail.
Then life gets in the way.
As it should.