On a Path of Growth, Personal or Spiritual?

Mix and match your practices and see how they complement each other

One of my first Tantra teachers Charles Muir used to say: “The problem with The Secret is that it ignores the secret.” What did he mean, you might ask. Well, by The Secret — he is referring to Rhonda Byrne’s best-selling Law of Attraction book. And by “the secret”, he is referring to the open, still, powerful place that can be arrived at with various Tantric sexual practises. A place of creativity and potential. He is talking about what is sometimes called Sex Magic.

So yes to The Secret and yes to Sex Magic. These two practises complement each other and add to each other’s power.

These are not the only spiritual practises that complement each other. There are many more. I was quite surprised when I read that the practice of Asanas (poses, postures) in Yoga was originally supposed to be simply preparation for meditation. In fact, I learnt recently that the correct sequence is Asanas, then Pranayama (breath work), then meditation. And, indeed, this is the sequence that I use in my own morning routine. I start with Five Tibetan Rites (Yoga-like sequence of movements), then breathing from the Wim Hof Method, and then finally meditation, Transcendental Meditation in my case. The whole routine takes about an hour — but it really sets me up for the day.

Sometimes, instead of the internal-mantra-based Transcendental Meditation, I do a compassion-based meditation:

May all beings be well. May all beings be happy. May all beings be free from suffering.

I repeat these phrases softly and bring to mind in sequence first myself, then a good friend, then somebody who I am neutral towards, and then somebody I dislike. Say five minutes on each. This is a powerful practice and adds a loving energy to other practises and my day-to-day life.

Here’s another example. I use a self-inquiry tool called The Work (developed by Byron Katie) to question thoughts in me that lead to suffering. Subjecting myself to this process — using the mind to question the mind — typically brings me to a place of peace. From this place of peace, it is much easier to meditate.

Come to think of it, there was a period of several years where I stopped meditating and used The Work instead. With The Work, I could inquire directly into the stressful thoughts that were agitating my mind and return to peace within about 30 minutes. Whereas with conventional mindfulness meditation, I was finding it really hard to settle — especially in the midst of a typical busy working week.

I have written in detail about Byron Katie’s The Work in this story:

Meditation and Tantra go together as well. According to renowned Tantra teacher Ma Ananda Sarita, meditation is an integral part of Tantra. Essential in fact. Look no further than Tantric Master Osho’s:

The Book of Secrets: 112 Meditations to Discover the Mystery Within

The basis of this book is the Vigyan Bhairav Tantra that Shiva gave to his partner Devi (Shakti).

So Tantric practises feed into your law of attraction work. Yoga-like exercises and breathwork prepare you for meditation. Self-inquiry tools like The Work complement and can even replace your meditation practice. And meditation is a central part of Tantra.

What would the opposite of a perfect storm be? A perfect bliss perhaps.

What about keeping your body healthy and strong? Is this part of a growth path? I just say a big YES. Personally, I eat for optimum nutrition and do weight training, running, and cold water exposure for maintaining physical wellbeing. All of this enables me to sit for long periods in meditation — if I choose to do so. And, of course, complements my two-body Tantra practice with my beloved. During running, I am also able to process and often find solutions to the various problems that arise in life — which, of course, helps when I sit down to meditate.

When I am coaching people, one thing I always tell my clients is that yes, practises and first-hand experiences are important, but don’t forget to take in knowledge too — by reading books or blog posts, listening to relevant podcasts, or working directly with somebody who is a little further along the path. One podcast that I would really recommend is the cutely-named Buddha at the Gas Pump (BATGAP for short) — where Rick Archers has free-flowing conversations with awakening people. There are over 600 of these conversations these days covering every aspect of spirituality. Listening to a range of them will give you a wide and deep understanding of the spiritual path. Knowledge, understanding, practises, and experience — all are important and complement each other.

When I was a young man I found myself at a crossroads. Do I become a Buddhist or go for the family life? I was passionate about Buddhism, but the deeper part of me sensed that my path was to follow the family life, so I chose that. For the first years, I tried to let go of my spiritual aspirations. But, of course, that didn’t work. So I realised that I needed to find a way to integrate and include spirituality within the family life. I came up with the expression: Wake up at work. In other words, I needed to have a foot in both worlds. And this both-and path is how I have lived my life ever since.

Relationships, having kids, having a career — all these are practises and complement other practises. And vice versa, all of our spiritual practises nourish, improve, and feed into our day-to-day life.

I don’t see myself belonging to any particular spiritual tradition, but if I had to choose one it would be the Tantric tradition. And I mean that in the widest sense. Tantra for me is about saying yes to life. It is about embracing wholeness and using everything life has to offer to wake up. This is my way.