Older Is Bolder — The Magic of Being Fearless as You Age

Fear is for the young and ignorant.

An up-and-coming businessman in my 20s, I joined a club that promised to teach me public speaking skills, one of my greatest fears. They said newcomers had to stand up and introduce themselves at their first meeting and I was terrified.

Hobbled with panic, I almost quit before I began.

I wrote a 20-second speech and practiced it in front of a mirror for a week. The day came and I went weak in the knees, horrified, butterflies choking my throat. Barely able to stand, I garbled out some words from my notecard and sat back down, my face beaming scarlet.

Fear of public humiliation is crippling. It’s irrational, of course, but it sure felt real back then with my sweaty palms and heart palpitations.

My life has been ruled by fear of authority, consequences, and shame. As a result, I was a perfectionist, introvert, and conflict-avoider.

That is until I got old.

We have everything to fear

Fear is a byproduct of power, specifically someone else’s power over you

We fear the wrath of our superiors if we make a mistake.

We recoil in shame from the disappointment of our parents if we forget a birthday or anniversary.

We avoid the judgment of others and strive to become perfectionists.

Procrastinators are built from the fear of repercussions from poor decisions.

We hide from authority.

People follow rules because they fear what will happen if they break them. They fear their transgressions will be announced in the village square and the townsfolk with pitchforks will chastise them mercilessly.

Conflict is terrifying for many because it questions their sacred beliefs.

We fear heights, Gods, germs, spiders, and so much more — regardless of how rational (or not).

Life is a handicap of fears.

Wouldn’t it be amazing to be fearless?

We have nothing to fear

The mere act of aging is liberating. Aging eliminates most of the causes of fear that held us back throughout our lives.

Fear of authority

When you reach the pinnacle of aging— retirement — you no longer have a boss with power and authority over your daily life. You can choose to pursue whatever interests you at that moment, and you have the freedom to stop pursuing it whenever it pleases you. Nobody will fire you or cut your salary.

Money is no longer your master.

Cops can write you a ticket but they can’t take away your happiness. That belongs to you.

Landlords, bankers, doctors, and airline attendants can order you around for a moment or two, but the older we are, the more we realize that there are always other options, and tomorrow is a new and beautiful day that won’t include them.

Fear of public humiliation

By the time we’re old, we’re accustomed to making mistakes and having a chorus of critics pointing out our flaws for their twisted pleasure. It happened on the job as we battled for status, it happens online, at our artwork, at the restaurant, and everywhere we go. People can be assholes.

They call them trolls, but they’re just empty self-loathing carcasses.

Trolls are people who make sport of criticizing others for the tiniest of offenses. They’re everywhere, like cockroaches.

It took a lot of growing up, but now we see our critics for who they are: petty and shallow human beings. Their opinions represent who they are, not who we are, and those who believe them have no control over our happiness — only we do.

Fear of illness

Bad news from doctors becomes a way of life as we age. We come to expect it when we see a doctor or dentist, and when they declare that nothing has gotten worse, we celebrate.

Everyone complains about aging, but nobody does anything about it.

It’s a “ticket to the dance” as they say. Along with the joys of aging come the inevitable ailments. You don’t like the ailments? Remember that the alternative is worse.

Fear of people

The fear of people is a common phobia that steals opportunities for socializing, dating, and community involvement.

Luckily, as we grow older, we care less about social gaffes and more about companionship. Talking is overrated. Just sitting there, smiling, and listening works in almost every social setting.

It doesn’t matter if it’s true, only that it’s interesting.

We also don’t care who’s talking or whether their stories are true or not. Presidents, bus drivers, actors, receptionists — they all look and sound the same when they’re retired, and their stories are equally entertaining.

Tell your stories or just listen in, nobody cares. Just remember that as memories fade, the stories become more entertaining.

Fear of mediocracy

It seems like everything I do these days is mediocre.

I used to be stellar at a few things. The younger me was competitive to a fault, never happy with second place. I was laser-focused on a few things that I did well — soccer, skiing, and math.

Now I ski slowly because I don’t have the energy to go fast, my math skills require a calculator, and I can’t play soccer at all for fear of shattering into tiny bits.

I no longer need to impress anyone, not even myself.

All I have left are my mediocre hobbies and I love them. I love how I don’t have to excel at anything to enjoy myself these days. Writing, pottery, woodworking, hiking, home improvements, you name it. Good at them or not, I find them immensely rewarding.

Fear of God

God hates hanging out with nasty people and He has a devilishly clever way of avoiding them. I wish it were that easy for the rest of us.

Religions are all about “Thou shalt this and thou shalt not that,” and the consequences of poor choices and nastiness are unpleasant at best. We’re taught to fear God and be good people or suffer the hellacious consequences.

As we age, our behaviors crystalize. The way we treat people becomes ingrained in our nature and extremely hard to change. Those of us who treat others well don’t have a lot to worry about, and those who are nasty aren’t going to suddenly become non-nasty.

By now, they are what they are. No amount of shame will change them.

With that in mind, there’s really no need to fear God (or any gods) because we are who we are. No amount of nagging or guilt will help them or us.

Fear of death

The older we get, the more real death becomes. No longer a vague concept, we can now see it materialized on the horizon. The idea of death becomes just an annoyance. “There’s so much I need to do before I die and I just don’t have the time.”

Death will come and there ain’t nothing we can do about it.

As we get older, that statement becomes more poignant. There’s no hiding from the reaper, only accepting that he’ll visit one day and instead turning our attention to what’s enjoyable right now.

Smart people take measures to delay the effects of age, and they also accept the inexorable decline. But there’s nothing we can do about it so why worry?

Fearlessness

Have you noticed it?

As you age, your confidence grows and your fears attenuate. You care less about success (what does that mean anyway?) and more about the happiness of enjoying life. That old mountain-conquering attitude has given way to a more monk-ish state of mind.

Sure, it would have been nice to feel that same way when we were young, but now is a good time too.

Remember that nobody has power over you unless you allow it.

Live life on your terms, write mediocre stories and make terrible art. Tell amazing stories of your life that may or may not be entirely true. Try hard, and fail at anything and everything — it doesn’t matter any longer now that you’re old.

Every day is an opportunity to enjoy life with reckless abandon, free from reservation, guilt, and embarrassment.

Be bold! Be fearless! Grow old.

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