Old Love is The Best Love

You can have the wine and roses, the fancy dinners, and the mushy cards on Valentine’s Day because I have something better

What I have is a 49 year old history of true love which pales in comparison to all the hoopla that comes with Valentine’s Day.

I don’t care if my husband, Mr. Pam, even gives me a card or any flowers on February 14th. And the last thing I’ve wanted for years is a dinner out in some fancy crowded restaurant.

We have had all of that and don’t get me wrong because I don’t think there is anything wrong with celebrating love on Valentine’s day.

Unless, of course, that’s the only day you celebrate it.

I’m not saying you have to buy your special someone a token of love everyday, but I am saying you need to express your love to them everyday in some meaningful way.

Mr. Pam and I always had pet names for each other that have evolved over the years as our love has changed and grown.

He used to be ‘ogre’ and I used to be ‘blondie.’ That was us up until we became parents in the 7th year of our marriage.

I called him ogre because that’s how I think our first fur baby saw him. He was so nervous about us getting a puppy in our “no pets allowed” duplex that he’d scoop him up and scold him like an umpire whenever he had an accident that missed our tiny newspaper covered kitchen floor. Luckily we only lived there for maybe 2 months after we got him before we moved and our beloved pup got the chance to do his business outside.

Mr. Pam called me ‘blondie’ because I acted a little ditzy back in our early years. In looking back now I think I did that because being married to a stable loving guy allowed me to act a little crazy for a change. Or maybe I was testing him. Who knows?

I’m not sure when we reached our current pet names. I’ve been “love of my life,” and he’s been “my silver fox” for many years now and I suspect we’ve begun to call each other ‘honey’ more often because our minds are failing. Just so you know, I never call him the pen name of Mr. Pam.

We’ve also learned to speak kindly to each other even when we don’t feel like it because to do otherwise means we’re heading for a fight. I have really struggled with this one because being a natural sarcastic bitch means I need the help of a permanent filter.

Mr. Pam struggles with impatience towards me or anyone, really, so he’s learned to keep his mouth zipped when he’s in situations that require him to be patient. For instance I clear the room when he’s trying to do plumbing, or when he has to put something together because reading the directions is his last resort. And I know that for this reason Ikea furniture will never enter our home.

It helps to be married for a long time so there’s ample time to learn each other’s strength and weaknesses. That’s why I take care of our technology, like the Wifi and the doorbell cameras, while he takes care of everything financial.

God forbid he should die before me, but he says the same thing about me. That’s why I keep a small notebook full of all our passwords and instructions while he has a notebook for me that he keeps up to date on our financial picture. That’s what I call LOVE.

This year we have promised to finalize our last wishes. This means we will go to the cemetery where we purchased a plot many many years ago and decide if we want to keep it. Then we will write down what type of service we each want complete with disposal of our bodies. Knowing us it will become a fun thing because we have wicked senses of humor. I may even write a story about it.

I actually feel sorry for couples who divorce early on in their marriages because I fear they may never find a lasting love in this disposable culture.

To have a love that is timeworn, and tested is a rare thing anymore. A love that makes it through the good and bad years, and one they faced honestly, and with help if it was needed like ours. A love that forced us to become better people, better lovers, better parents, that forged us into the best of life long friends.

The best daydream I have is that we’re young again but not in this culture, but in the one we met and fell in love in. With everything we know now about ourselves and each other we wouldn’t have to waste any time on the things that once impeded us. We could start out with all the good stuff we won in our marriage and advance from there. Oh the mountains we could climb!

Whether you’re in love, or not and whether you’re part of a couple or not, I wish you a Valentine’s day full of love. Love yourself as you love your neighbor regardless of your current situation. Love your pets if that’s what you have in your life. Send someone a Valentine’s card just for the fun of it.

And most of all, just turn on your love light.