Okay, Medium. I Get It. I’m Not Good Enough.

I’ll be packing my bags.

Earlier this year, some dude sent me a list of questions. One of them was, “Why don’t you write for major magazines?” Later, he wrote a blog post saying I wasn’t a good writer. If I were, I’d have bylines in places like The Atlantic or The New Yorker.

Before that, another dude wrote an entire blog post about how he doesn’t read my work because it’s “too good,” and suggested to his substantial following that they do the same.

Around that same time, a chick bragged about writing pieces inspired by spite at my success.

Now they just accuse me of doomsaying.

What a bunch of assholes…

For the record, big newspapers and magazines have asked me to write for them, and I turned them down. Getting asked to write for a big magazine used to be something I fantasized about. At this point in my career, I don’t care. I don’t like writing for big publications.

It never works out.

Lately, Medium feels a lot like those assholes. My last post is getting 10 times more traffic on Substack right now, as it sinks down into obscurity here. My work isn’t appreciated by the people in charge, no matter how well it does or how many people like it.

Maybe I should leave?

I’m considering it.

I know a thing or two about mistreatment.

“Remember, you’re not an expert.”

Of course not, I was 21 years old — just some stupid unpaid intern. Time and again, I did research and wrote stories for newspapers that slapped someone else’s name on them (usually a middle aged man’s), because obviously nobody was going to read something by a millennial. It took me an entire year just to earn byline credit.

Editors frequently debated whether to publish my work because it was really, really good, but it was also too deadpan, too laconic, too aggressive, too evocative, too provocative, even if I was writing an opinion piece or a review. They wanted to tone it down, but they were afraid if they did that, it would ruin the piece.

I got a full-time job at a newspaper. A year later, they asked me to start taking freelancer pay.

“You’re great,” they said. “We’re just tight on funds.” They wanted me to write just as much, for less money.

Then I found out why.

They were getting sued by a photographer over low pay and copyright infringement. Yes, by a woman.

Later, I published a novel. It got great reviews, and it won two pretty big awards. One of my mentors cackled at me when my publisher asked him to help promote it. Another one of my mentors called me an underachiever when I asked for a recommendation.

Newspapers misprinted my signing times. Bookstore managers forgot about my readings and turned away fans before I showed up. One day my publisher pulled me aside: “I actually don’t like your writing that much. It’s too violent. It’s too visceral.”

They decided not to promote my paperback.

Conventional publishing sucks.

Agents promised to read my manuscripts and sat on them for a year. Famous authors forgot my name, ever after I reviewed their books and interviewed them for big magazines. They invited me to speak on their campuses and then changed their minds.

When I turned 30, I gave up on conventional publishing. It just wasn’t going to work out for me. They say “never give up,” but the ones who say that don’t really understand what it’s like to keep trying in a world that honestly doesn’t want you to succeed.

It physically hurts.

Medium treats writers like shit.

A couple of years ago, some editors at Medium asked me to write something for a collection they were putting together. I did. They never responded. Eventually, the collection came out.

I wasn’t in it.

I wrote them to ask what was up. They said they didn’t like the piece, but “feel free to self-publish it.”

Hey, it’s normal to get rejected. What sucks is getting completely written off. This is the shit Medium does. They un-curate my writing, along with several others (especially women). They turn on their indie writers and decide to dance with experts and bestsellers.

Recently, they un-featured one of my posts.

I don’t even know what it means to be featured on this platform anymore. They never explain anything.

They tell us nothing.

Now Medium has changed their distribution model — again. They gave some bullshit justification. The end result? Our views have dropped to new lows. I think that was the real plan. They promised us they were going to get out of the way and let us write, but it looks to me like they’re gripping the steering wheel pretty hard.

They want to drive their agenda, their favorite writers, and their brand down our throat, again.

It’s irritating.

I’m tired of the sexist elitism.

I get it. Some people hate me.

Contrary to what they believe, I’ve never been the top earner on this platform. That honor goes to the dudes who were pulling down $40K a month to write blog posts about believing in yourself and never giving up, or what really makes someone smart, or how early you should wake up in the morning, or how great Bill Gates is.

During peak Medium, the top dudes on this platform could crack 100K claps on a single story. The vast majority of the most talented women writers on here never even got close. If they did, it was before the partner program started paying us.

Last year, Medium paid $50K to a writer whose entire time on this platform consisted of uploading her story, then accepting her award. She never read or supported anyone else’s work.

Somehow, I’m the witch?

OK…

Honestly, I get the distinct impression that Medium has always hated me, and wished I weren’t here. At best, there’s been a grudging acknowledgment that I bring in views.

I don’t know why, but they seem to have a real stick up their ass when it comes to popular female writers.

They want to police us for clickbait, vulgarity, incivility, and everything in between. For the last few years especially, Medium seems to have a hard on for esoteric horseshit, while simultaneously pandering to their readers by bringing in celebrity guest columnists, or bragging about some article that happened to go viral years ago.

It’s sad.

Medium doesn’t have a sense of humor.

Every now and then, the staff at Medium haul out “Dear Guy Who Just Made My Burrito,” to prove they support humor.

They don’t.

The staff at Medium can’t take a joke at all. They haven’t truly supported humor on this platform for almost a decade, despite having some truly hilarious writers here.

At least, they did.

Usually, Medium reinforces the tired, tedious stereotype that men are funny and sarcastic while women are just bitter and angry. It’s almost impossible to get anything funny or irreverent to trend here now. In fact, Medium has even stripped curation from funny stories by women because they decided they were “profane” or “sexist.”

It’s a shame.

Medium doesn’t want popular writers.

It’s weird.

On the one hand, Medium wants to run a successful business. On the other hand, they don’t want to pay writers.

They don’t want them to get views.

They want to be the hipster in the corner.

Medium crashed because Ev Williams embarked on some stupid ass crusade to save the internet from clickbait and porn, despite clearly promoting that kind of stuff when it was written by people he approved of. It was blind hypocrisy at its finest. Meanwhile, his staff micromanaged some of their best writers, always coming up with some new excuse to punish and berate us.

I thought that was over.

Clearly, it’s not.

The new Medium looks and feels a lot like the old Medium. It looks and feels a lot like the old editors I worked for who constantly reminded me that I wasn’t good enough for them, or if I was good enough, for some reason they couldn’t pay me.

A lot of people seem to think I haven’t earned my following, that I didn’t spend nearly 20 years busting my ass in multiple professions and disciplines to learn how to write for a wide audience. It doesn’t matter how many times I’m right, how many times I prove everyone wrong, I keep having to fight the same battles over and over.

Well, I’ve had it.

If Medium wants to ditch their indie bloggers (again) and go off chasing some new holy grail, they can.

As for me, I’m not the kind of person who screams “I quit!” only to sheepishly pop up again a few weeks later. I’m just saying, I don’t know how much longer I’ll be inspired to put my finest work here if Medium is going to start treating me like I don’t belong (again), and pining for all of their “never give up” bros.

Maybe Substack is my new home. They don’t pretend to celebrate creativity while pissing on their top talent.

I guess we’ll see.