Oh Yeah, That Would be Exhausting

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Abstract

to tell her just to relax and tell me what needs to be done. I know the basic needs and everyone knows to ask me if I don’t ask them first what they need or anticipate it and have it done already. Mom still insists on getting up and seeing to it that things are done. Mom was still doing that on Christmas day at age ninety.Groups come and go. A short break between once leaving and the next coming is usually less than an hour and often time overlap. Mom still has a gift for everyone, though now it is a card with a sizable check inside each. Some of my cousins help her now with the cookies and the decorations. Her seventy-six year old cleaning lady sees to it that the house is “almost up to mom’s standards”. After she left this time my mom commented on how she could see right where she dusted and spots she missed. I smiled and told her that it looked wonderful.With the pandemic here I was honestly extremely nervous. My niece and her husband had it earlier in December. Sara, being a nurse, called and told mom that she would stop by but not come in. There is a chair on the front porch. We put her presents on the chair. Sara and Mike picked them up and replaced them with their gifts. We waved to each other through the windows. We all talked about how later after the vaccine they would come visit mom.I talked to my mom a couple times about my concerns. She told me that she knew that nobody would come by that was sick. She told me that all would be ok. I told her that I knew nobody would come by if they knew they were sick, but people can transfer the virus before they have symptoms.That is when my mom informed me that she is the oldest person getting dialysis at the clinic she goes to. There are one-hundred one other people getting dialysis done there. Every one of those people are on a list for a replacement kidney. Everyone except my mom. You are required to be on the transplant list to get treatment there. My mom told the director that she would not take a kidney from anyone else. Some there have waited

Options

for over ten years. Periodically they ask my mom if she has changed her mind. She always says no. Only because of her age they allow her to get it without being on the transplant list.Two people I have known as long as her died during December. I do not look forward to a world without my mom, even stepmom that she is. I know that someday it will happen, I hope years from now. I also know that the promise I made five years ago was the reason I was there. I honestly wanted her to scale it down. I didn’t want mask-less people in the house around her. I even wore a mask the first couple hours that I was there but finally removed it knowing I practically couldn’t wear it the entire time.So to the prompt. When I got home yesterday I was exhausted, I am worn out even now. I slept eleven hours last night. I told myself that I was tired because I am getting older. I then realized I wasn’t that tired after driving up there. I was in fact energized. I realized my exhaustion returning was, with all the synchronicity that it implies, because this was not a ten day visit. This was a five year commitment, this was months of anticipation. This was ten days of worry, continuing for another ten, that my mom might be exposed. My mom left her house for only the second time since we were there for her birthday in July other than going to dialysis. It was to shop for Christmas dinner. Mom wouldn’t not let me go by myself with a list. She needed to be there to make sure she had everything.So my answers, I will do anything for my mom, even if caused a little risk for her as well as me. I love my mom more than I ever knew. Months of anticipation and days of being there are more exhausting than I could have imagined. I am listening to my mind, body, and soul. I know it is ok to take a day or two to be over this. I will be so relieved in a week or so that we managed to pull this off. I can’t wait for the vaccine to take this weight off my shoulders. I will be so happy when my mom calls me to tell me that she was vaccinated.</article></body>

Monday Reflection Prompt

Reading today’s prompt caused me to reflect back on my life. Which “wow” moment would be appropriate to talk about here, with everyone? Like most people there have been a number of them to reflect on. I decided to talk about the one that I had at that exact moment in time.

I am relaxing today. Yesterday morning at 5:10 I told my mom to stand up so I could hug her. It is a hug I promised her on the 18th of December when I arrived to be with her for the Christmas Holiday. Then she was disappointed. I explained to her that I was not part of her world and that I would not hug her until I had been there long enough to know that I wasn’t sick. I was very careful on my trip up to not interact with anyone on the road. I stopped once in my eight hour drive to get fuel for my car and go to the bathroom. I did so not coming near anyone, pumping the fuel myself, going in, using the bathroom, sanitizing my hands and then getting back in the car.

I made a promise to my mom about five years ago. I did not realize at the time that commitment would involve breaking the guidelines of the pandemic to keep them. My, then eighty-five year old, told me after we finally got everyone out of the house that she could not have done Christmas without me being there to help. Mom still bakes five or more kinds of cookies, makes a huge spread of food, has at least twenty people over, and goes from the first guests arriving about ten in the morning to the last leaving about nine or ten at night. During that time, I try to tell her just to relax and tell me what needs to be done. I know the basic needs and everyone knows to ask me if I don’t ask them first what they need or anticipate it and have it done already. Mom still insists on getting up and seeing to it that things are done. Mom was still doing that on Christmas day at age ninety.

Groups come and go. A short break between once leaving and the next coming is usually less than an hour and often time overlap. Mom still has a gift for everyone, though now it is a card with a sizable check inside each. Some of my cousins help her now with the cookies and the decorations. Her seventy-six year old cleaning lady sees to it that the house is “almost up to mom’s standards”. After she left this time my mom commented on how she could see right where she dusted and spots she missed. I smiled and told her that it looked wonderful.

With the pandemic here I was honestly extremely nervous. My niece and her husband had it earlier in December. Sara, being a nurse, called and told mom that she would stop by but not come in. There is a chair on the front porch. We put her presents on the chair. Sara and Mike picked them up and replaced them with their gifts. We waved to each other through the windows. We all talked about how later after the vaccine they would come visit mom.

I talked to my mom a couple times about my concerns. She told me that she knew that nobody would come by that was sick. She told me that all would be ok. I told her that I knew nobody would come by if they knew they were sick, but people can transfer the virus before they have symptoms.

That is when my mom informed me that she is the oldest person getting dialysis at the clinic she goes to. There are one-hundred one other people getting dialysis done there. Every one of those people are on a list for a replacement kidney. Everyone except my mom. You are required to be on the transplant list to get treatment there. My mom told the director that she would not take a kidney from anyone else. Some there have waited for over ten years. Periodically they ask my mom if she has changed her mind. She always says no. Only because of her age they allow her to get it without being on the transplant list.

Two people I have known as long as her died during December. I do not look forward to a world without my mom, even stepmom that she is. I know that someday it will happen, I hope years from now. I also know that the promise I made five years ago was the reason I was there. I honestly wanted her to scale it down. I didn’t want mask-less people in the house around her. I even wore a mask the first couple hours that I was there but finally removed it knowing I practically couldn’t wear it the entire time.

So to the prompt. When I got home yesterday I was exhausted, I am worn out even now. I slept eleven hours last night. I told myself that I was tired because I am getting older. I then realized I wasn’t that tired after driving up there. I was in fact energized. I realized my exhaustion returning was, with all the synchronicity that it implies, because this was not a ten day visit. This was a five year commitment, this was months of anticipation. This was ten days of worry, continuing for another ten, that my mom might be exposed. My mom left her house for only the second time since we were there for her birthday in July other than going to dialysis. It was to shop for Christmas dinner. Mom wouldn’t not let me go by myself with a list. She needed to be there to make sure she had everything.

So my answers, I will do anything for my mom, even if caused a little risk for her as well as me. I love my mom more than I ever knew. Months of anticipation and days of being there are more exhausting than I could have imagined. I am listening to my mind, body, and soul. I know it is ok to take a day or two to be over this. I will be so relieved in a week or so that we managed to pull this off. I can’t wait for the vaccine to take this weight off my shoulders. I will be so happy when my mom calls me to tell me that she was vaccinated.