So That’s Resilience!
Understanding what it means to have resilience
The buzz word is resilience. Books have been written about having resilience or “grit.”
“Resilience — the ability of people or things to recover quickly after something unpleasant, such as shock, injury…” Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries.
Someone was upset with me and reacted recently— the story is not important in itself. This, at first, almost put me in reactor-mode. After all was said and done, the issue was resolved. I realized having resilience is not taking it personally. I can vent once, but then I need to rebound from it. The worst thing would be to ruminate and let it take rent-free space in my brain for longer than it merits. Resilience is being methodical about how to best solve the problem and then solving it. Resilience is being tough and calm, not reactive and needy. Resilience is knowing when to let…it…go.
Many are still learning how to handle their upsets. They will go about it in a way that isn’t the most compassionate. Perhaps they are thinking it’s the right thing to do — to show tough love and to teach someone a lesson. Maybe they have other things going on in their lives that causes them in that moment to be a self-righteous jerk. In some cases, it could be warranted. For instance, if there was a mistake made by you that needs to not be repeated. I agree with tough love when warranted, and I admire people who can give it with a firmness that garners respect. Tough love while losing your mind doesn’t work as well. Resilience is when you are on the receiving end of a hardship and learn from it so that you can move forward setting a higher standard for yourself.
I have felt myself having more resilience as I’ve gotten older. I have been noticing it in me and thinking — oh wow — I couldn’t do this when I was younger. I notice I have the power to soften those who are reactive when I’m not reactive. They just need to feel heard and understood. Mental toughness doesn’t mean having an attitude; it means being authentic, speaking your values with clarity, and owning your mistakes. It means honoring yourself and others. It would be nice if others were always compassionate, but they might be juggling more than they can handle. They need a way to take some of the fizz out of the bottle before they explode. Resilience is the ability to rebound from unpleasant situations and crossfires.