Summary

The article suggests that offering to buy a drink is an outdated method for initiating conversation with women in bars, and provides alternative strategies for engaging in more meaningful interactions, both in-person and online.

Abstract

The traditional approach of men offering to buy drinks for women at bars is becoming increasingly ineffective, especially with the rise of empowered women who are perfectly capable of buying their own drinks. In today's dating scene, men need to employ more creative and genuine methods to strike up conversations. The article emphasizes the importance of sincere compliments, confident and innovative ice-breakers, leveraging current affairs for conversation starters, adopting the role of a helpful stranger, and sometimes simply introducing oneself with confidence. These methods are not only applicable in physical settings like bars but can also be adapted for online interactions, such as those on dating platforms like Tinder. The article encourages men to observe and engage with women in ways that reflect the changing social dynamics and to avoid relying on clichéd pickup lines.

Opinions

Offering to buy a drink is seen as a cheesy and outdated tactic with a low success rate, especially for those seeking more than a one-night stand.
Compliments should be genuine and casual to avoid coming across as insincere or overly forward.
Observing a woman's behavior and environment can lead to more personalized and successful conversation starters.
Confidence is key when approaching someone, and even a simple introduction can be effective if done with self-assurance.
Using current events as a conversation starter can be successful, provided the topic is of general interest and not too niche or polarizing.
Being a "helpful stranger" by commenting on mutual experiences or surroundings can be a non-intrusive way to initiate contact.
Directly introducing oneself without an excuse or gimmick is considered attractive and confident, though it may yield polarized responses.

Offering To Buy a Drink Might Be the Worst Way To Strike a Conversation

Here’s a list of far better ways for a much higher success rate

Gone are the days when pretty women were simply waiting at bars for the next cute guy to come and offer to buy them a drink in exchange for a few minutes of their attention, which may or may not lead to something.

Today is the day and age of the empowered woman who can not just buy her own drink but would be happy to pay for yours too. So, if you’re hoping to walk into a bar and find a pretty date the traditional way, you’re going to need to find more than just a cheesy pickup line and the offer of a drink.

On the off chance that you’re looking for more than just a one-night stand, your likelihood of scoring with this outdated trick is even lower.

Well, then how do you strike a conversation with a girl at a bar in the modern world? Have the rules changed? Is there a new playbook you must play by?

There’s definitely more art than science to the perfect conversation, and starting off on the right foot is a big part of it. Here are a few tips and templates that will help you succeed, if you ever do get off Tinder and decide to go explore the real world dating scene. And since you’re unlikely to ever do that, I’ll keep the suggestions such that they might also work just fine in an online world of chatting and “virtual” conversations.

Everyone Loves a Compliment — The key lies in not getting too cheesy

Compliments are great — they’re an instant feel-good factor and everyone loves them. However, the risk with a compliment is that if it isn’t done right, it quickly gets cheesy, and loses its impact.

The art lies in the delicate balance of a casual comment, yet one that feels genuine. Pick something that is striking about their appearance and make a genuine comment about it, something as simple as how the color of their dress really looks good on them!

You’re not looking to wow them with your start, you’re just looking for a foot in the door so you can follow it up with a, “Hi, I’m….”

The simpler you keep your first compliment, the less risk you have of completely mucking it up.

Observe and Innovate — Confident silliness beats nervous brilliance

Take your time to observe the girl for a bit. If you’re at a bar, notice who she’s with if she’s there with friends, how chatty is she, has she been drinking, is she happy or is she pensive, does she look tired?

Then, take a shot at innovating an ice-breaker. Something as simple as,

“Doesn’t look like this is really your kind of place, got dragged here by friends?”

“Well, seems like I am not the only one who had a long day and ended up in the wrong place.”

Just about anything that sounds like a reasonable observation and assumption, and that would definitely draw some sort of response, beyond a puzzled look. The key is in the confidence with which you deliver the blow. If you’re confident in your approach, you’re more than likely to get a response, even if you didn’t choose the perfect words.

If we’re talking virtual, you’ve got a whole host of info at your hand to try and “get to know” the likes and dislikes, and start a conversation accordingly.

“I notice that you’re quite into [insert common interest] and couldn’t help but ask [related question]”

If for nothing else, you’ll likely get a response for having taken the time to get to know the person, beyond just checking out their looks and drooling over that.

Current Affairs — Let the news come to your rescue

There’s always enough going on in the world that everyone’s talking about and has a view on. Use it to your advantage.

You don’t want to go too hardcore into something very specific but a broad comment on the “big picture” stuff is a good ice-breaker.

“Well, at least we’re all finally able to get out and get a drink — without a mask on.”

“I can’t remember the last time I was out and Trump wasn’t the only topic of discussion.”

“Ah, big game for the Warriors tonight, are you a basketball fan at all, or sports isn’t really your thing?”

It doesn’t have to be about politics or sport, just pick anything in the world that seems mildly of “broader interest” so you’re not bringing up something to niche, that would simply draw a blank response.

Be ready to back up your start with a conversation shift to introductions and pleasantries, unless you hit off a note on the issue you brought up — in which case have enough ammo to hold a decent conversation on the topic!

The Helpful Stranger — Use the people around you, in a good way

Depending on your setup, there are always people around you that will come in quite handy in striking up a conversation.

“Are you a friend of the bride or the groom? I haven’t really seen you around before.”

“Wow, that guy’s got a lot of confidence to carry that look off.”

“That bartender’s got some serious skills — that’s no part-time gig for sure.”

Just about anything — this one is more comment out in the open, at just the right distance that you catch the girl’s attention and invoke a response. Make sure it’s something that draws a response and more importantly isn’t disrespectful to anyone — you don’t want to come across as a snob having fun at the “cost” of others. That might work in select cases, but it isn’t a risk you want to take and not the person you want to come across as in terms of first impressions.

The Conventional Way — Walking up and introducing yourself

There’s nothing more attractive than cutting straight to the chase and doing it with confidence. You don’t always need to find an excuse to strike a conversation.

This one works best if there’s been some sort of eye-contact or initial feelers just with the whole general vibe. There’s never any harm in walking up to a girl, and extending your hand (if that’s a thing anymore), and just introducing yourself.

How you do it is totally up to your own style and confidence levels, and what works best for you. This one’s going to be quite black and white — you’ll either get a friendly response or a straight-up cold shoulder. But you definitely won’t be left hanging with this one.

When was the last time you “approached” a girl at a bar or at a friend’s party, or even online, and how did you do it? Did it work or was it an absolute flop? Well, we’ve all got our own ways of “charming” people, but it sure isn’t as easy as buying a drink anymore!