Selected stories on ILLUMINATION-Curated

Oceans of Time Ahead of Me

Selected stories by Øivind H. Solheim hosted on ILLUMINATION-Curated

Distributed to #Life purpose #Health #Aging # Writing

In this story I write about what happened when I retired after working 40 years as a teacher and an adult education manager. What happened in my life from this point is both simple and complex. It was not obvious that it would go well. I could have done as some and got into trouble in my new day. I believe that one of the most important things is to be able to shift focus, and to find the meaningful things to tackle in the new life.

Did something special happen in my life when I reached the retirement age in Norway, 67? I mean — did something fundamental, groundbreaking happen to me?

• Was there a changeover to something totally new and different in my life?
• Or was it simply that life only continued, a bit different, but the same life, mostly in the same tracks?

Almost all my life I have spent my time working, more or less systematic and targeted. First about 20 years of education (school and 7 years of university studies to qualify for work), and then paid work for about 40 years, from 1974 to 2014.

Being in full employment meant to me like to everyone that I gave away a lot of my time working for my employer, who has “owned” me during this time. In my case, the work I did was teaching French, German and Norwegian languages and literature, most of the years as a lecturer in Upper Secondary School, 7.5 hours a day, five days a week.

And then this happened just a little more than three years ago —

— I quit working, I retired

I cannot say this came unexpectedly. It was rather foreseen, planned and expected. But almost over the night the limits of my life changed significantly. I was all of a sudden able to decide over my time myself. All the time, every day, every hour of the day I alone could decide how to use, I could spend my time for the private and family-oriented purposes that I myself wished to prioritize.

This new, unfamiliar liberty! — This huge change!

I’ve got it a bit at a distance now, but in the beginning I think I was a little numb, slightly knocked out. — What would I do with all this time, with this newly won freedom?

It took some time for me to get into and find my place in this new state. Took me some time to find out.

— Was life almost ended now? Finished in the work life, done with so much in life?

The first period was a bit unusual. Days that were unstructured, where I was looking for what I wanted to do with these days, all this time I had suddenly gotten up in my lap.

I took it quite softly, a little backward, layback. I wanted to see what was to come.

The first period after I had finished working was a bit like a fog. I had of course seen it coming, but I can not say that I had made me a strategy for how I should handle it.

The first weeks after I retired, I experienced somehow a little fluid. This word — retired — was a word inside of me that I, in the unconscious, shoveled away. And this was probably a symptom, an indicator that not everything was all right about me.

The first weeks after I quit working, I usually slept in the morning. It was like a mountain of sleep that I needed to climb and take in possession.

Occasionally I thought about it. This will be my life hereafter, without any workplace to go to, and all this time that I will have to my disposal! What shall I fill this time with, this undefined empty space?

There was basically no big drama attached to this. Nothing was unforeseen, nothing came truly unexpected on me. I could offer myself the rare luxury of cooling it all down, just let time flow and let the mind and body flow in time, just the way it suited me.

In the morning I could wake up, maybe I heard that the other family members stood up and got ready to meet the new day, at work or school.

I could lay in bed, sleep on there, let me slip into the mild and mellow morning sleep. I could take a book from the bedside table and read on from the night before. Or I could pick up my phone or computer and check news headings and emails.

There was no sudden transition. In fact, it was a slow process, this transition to a living in new time frames.

I could stand up, put on a training suit and walk or run for a trip. Or I could ride the bike some kilometers north and over the bridge across the fjord.

I could take the car and drive somewhere, find something stupid or something new to do. Like walking in the mountains near the town together with likes in the local touring association, like driving to the mall and trolling a cart unintentionally between the racks inside the big supermarket and finally going through the cashier to the car with shopping bags heavy of drinks and food.

It took me some time to get used to this new life. In the morning I was the only one in the house. For many hours, the house was empty of those who usually give life there, except for me, who no longer had external obligations, duties and tasks to take care of, like work or school.

I will admit that there were a few hours that can seem like a waste. I could walk from room to room, I was looking over the fjord, I could see the gray skylight over the land further north, I could spot that there was some snow on the mountain tops.

I sat down in the kitchen, made me coffee, some morning food. Yes, I admit it, I was on the verge of boredom, I did not have meaningful alternatives to scrolling down and up on webpages looking for the latest news.

It took some time before I saw it clearly. I had come to a stage, to a place in life where the framework had significantly changed, and where perhaps the biggest and most noticeable change was time.

And I made this interesting discovery:

I noticed that time was there for me, and that things were not as urgent as before.

I realized that I had oceans of time ahead of me and around me.

I actually had come to a point of life or a state of existence where I simply was privileged!

What happened in my life from this point is both simple and complex. I leaned back, I found peace and quiet. I read more books than earlier. I listened many more hours to music.

And I started writing!

This is the single most important incident or habit that I resumed.

I started writing again! Daily writing, and eventually daily publishing on Medium. The more I wrote, the more I had to write about. It was as if I had found a hidden crane for a creative source. I had turned up the stream of ideas, thoughts, feelings, impulses.

I felt that this was something new that was happening to me. Inside me. As I wrote new texts, more and more came. Ideas, thoughts, feelings that I had to write out, process, make into something that others could read, maybe benefit from.

Every day when I woke up I felt that there was something there, something that I had to write. New ideas, and old ideas in new costume.

I wrote poems and found beautiful free pictures online that matched the text well. Or I used my own photos, from my many trips out in nature.

I wrote articles and essays on topics that are important to me, such as love and relationships, the future, society and political issues, personal development, life and death.

Through writing, I tried to find meaning. And I tried to discover important knowledge and information about health and exercise, about health and aging.

I went into a new role, as a student. The teacher has become a student again! I found myself again in a process of lifelong learning (which was a familiar slogan from the period when I worked with adult education).

After a while I came up with some simple truths and principles, such as doing things I am not used to, constantly trying new things, living an active life, avoiding downtime, being in motion.

And not least — this which I have as my first priority: To express myself through writing. Creative writing. I created an online combined course in creative writing and writing in English, for potential learners from all over the world.

I also used my knowledge and experience from my years as a French teacher to create another course in French, for people who want to learn to understand and express themselves in French. I have considered making this course available also to English-speaking students.

Today, after these six years as a retiree, I have long since come to the point where I am never bored. I never have a day when I do not know what to spend my time on.

I think about death, but not much. Not often. I know he’s somewhere further ahead. But I choose to focus on life. The life I have now, the close ones around me, and the things that I am interested in and that I work with — that is what is important.

Conclusion?

Well, maybe that it’s good to calm down, to have time to think, to do important things that are good for me and my family.

All rights reserved. © Øivind H. Solheim, author of novels, poetry, articles, essays, short fiction and experimental writings. Contact: [email protected].