Obstinate Bear Available — Serious Inquiries Only

A trashy tale of woe.

One of the benefits of living in the foothills of Colorado is the company of wildlife — deer, rabbits, bobcats and the occasional bear. A few summers ago, a bear became quite fond of my house, stopping by every Wednesday morning for breakfast.

Wednesday is trash day.

Due to my morning work schedule, I had to put the trash out at 0530. Unfortunately, this allowed the bear plenty of time to feast before the neighborhood woke up.

After a few weeks of cleaning up spilled trash, I decided to take a reasonable approach and write the bear a note. I taped it to the trash can.

Dear Bear,

In case you haven’t heard, trash kills bears. Be a deer, and move across the street to the park where you will find a buffet of tasty treats.

Yours truly,

Jill

I know he read the note because there was a paw print on the paper, but clearly he disregarded it because he was back the next week. Stubborn and hungry as a bear.

Since everyone deserves a second chance, I tried another note, using a professional tone and trying to appeal to his inner strength.

Dear Bear,

With a house full of children, I realize that I have an aromatic trash can which is incredibly enticing. I’m sure it requires great restraint to walk by and leave it undisturbed, and you are probably giving it your best effort. Change is hard, but think about the bear you want to be instead of merely accepting the one you are. You are better than this behavior.

Dr. Jill

Surprisingly, this did not work either.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

After two attempts at friendly communication, I decided it was time for a new strategy. A locked trash can was not an option, so using bungee cords, I securely tied down the lid. I hoped this would deter the bear, but not the waste management crew.

When I returned home from work, it was clear I had been outsmarted, as trash was strewn about and there were two bungee cords hanging from a nearby pine tree.

Not one to back down from a challenge, I devised another plan.

The following Wednesday, I requested a late start at work and waited for my friend to arrive for his morning meal. From a safe distance on my second story deck, I spoke sternly to the bear and loudly clanged pans to emphasize my disapproval of his ongoing behavior. The bear looked at me, snorted, and then tipped over the trash can.

There was no reasoning with this creature.

Free Bear — Must Pick Up

The only logical next step would be to get the bear adopted by another family. I posted on Facebook with the above picture:

This bear enjoys playing in trash. He is cute, but messy. Free to a good home. If interested, please pick-up around 0530 next Wednesday (address provided upon request). Thank you!

I only had one response:

“My kids would love a bear…can you ship him?”

It turns out shipping is ridiculously expensive.

Plan E

It looked like this bear was here to stay and there were still two months before hibernation. I decided I could either clean up spilled trash every Wednesday, or ask a kind neighbor to set out the trash as close to pick-up time as possible. I chose the second option and the following Wednesday morning, I left the trash can at the top of our driveway just outside the garage.

We have a long driveway and this tenacious bear walked all the way to the garage and tipped over the can. Mind you, Wednesday is everyone’s trash day, so there were plenty of places where he could enjoy his breakfast. He wanted our trash — a creature of habit.

Thankfully, the bear only made a little mess this time. He might have had a crisis of conscience, or been distracted by smells coming from our backyard because he also tipped over the outdoor grill. Darn bear!

Oh Deer

Eventually, the bear went to sleep for the winter and his weekly trash antics stopped. He hasn’t come back, and I can’t say that I miss him.

However, now a buck has grown fond of the house which is distressing to both the garden and my dog.

Flower eating deer available — serious inquiries only.

Thanks for reading!