Nursery Rhymes, Revised For Capitalism
How do I get where you are?
Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star
Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star
How do I get where you are?
Did you make it by yourself,
Or did you have inherited wealth?
Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star
How do I get where you are?
Row, Row, Row Your Boat
Row, Row, Row your boat
Quickly down the stream
Faster, faster, faster, you’re losing this race!
Life is a competition
Cradle Song
Lullaby and good night,
Yet there’s no rest in sight
No time for thy bed,
You can sleep when you’re dead
Rock-A-Bye Baby
Rock-a-bye baby, in the treetops
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall
We’re aware of this defect, but the settlements are less costly than a recall
You Are My Sunshine
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy on smoggy days
And yes I know dear, ice caps are melting
But you can’t deny that oil money pays
The Itsy Bitsy Spider
The itsy bitsy spider crawled up the water spout.
Down came the rain, and washed the spider out.
It’s not our job to help the little spider,
He just needs to pull himself up by his bootstraps
The Wheels On The Bus
The wheels on the bus go round and round
Round and round
Round and round
The wheels of commerce don’t need moral axles
They’re objective, fair, and factual
The landlord of the house said ‘Just move out’
Just move out
Just move out
The people in the house had missed their rent
Now they live in a tent
The NDA they signed goes ‘shh, shh, shh’
Shh, shh, shh
Shh, shh, shh
If they ever do complain
They’re in for a world of pain
The driver on the bus goes ‘move on back’
Move on back
Move on back
Rosa Parks said no, now her face is on a shirt
for $17.00 at Target
Brother John (Frère Jacque)
Are you sleeping? Are you sleeping?
Brother John, Brother John,
Morning bells are ringing! Morning bells are ringing!
Your productivity is the measure of your worth
Hush, Little Baby
Hush, little baby, don’t say a word,
I know what you’re thinking and it’s just absurd
There’s no need to unionize, listen to me
This company is like your family
We love you here, I promise we do
We’ll even start letting you use the loo
Paying dues is like throwing money away
And we treat you so well! You make almost 12k!
Baa, Baa, Black Sheep
Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Three bags full.
Three bags? That’s beneath your quota,
This is gonna put us behind schedule.
I don’t care that your dad died last week,
Consider this a verbal warning.
Star Light, Star Bright
Star Light, Star Bright
First star I see tonight
I wish I may, I wish I might
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