Number 1 Thing You Need to Avoid in All Relationships — Even Narcissistic Ones

This one is so hard not to do in narcissistic relationships

Whilst gender specific terms are used, these can be applied to any gender. For the context of this story we will be using male and female pronouns.

He opened the door to the house and walked in.

“I knew it, you’re cheating on me with another woman.” She accuses him and cries as he walks in the door, then storms off to her room.

He stood there in the doorway bewildered. What had he done this time? Trying to figure out what on Earth was going on, he stood next to her shut door. He had had just walked in the door after a long day of work, and it wasn’t the first time she’d accused him of cheating.

He knocked on the door. “Baby, I’m not sure what’s going on. Why would I cheat on you?” He waits.

“Open up, let’s talk about this.” He says gently from the other side of the door. “Why do you think I’m cheating?”

“You tell me what’s going on! I don’t want to talk. I’m tired of talking.” She says, “Anyway, it doesn’t matter I know you’ve been cheating on me.”

“I have?” He said.

“Yes. My friend told me she saw you having lunch with another woman, and you kissed her.”

“I did?” He said.

“Don’t play dumb. She saw the whole thing.” She said opening the bedroom door. “At lunch. Who was the other girl?”

He paused, as if trying to think back to the last few days.

“Oh, that lunch! The woman your friend saw me at lunch with was my sister from WA and she is only going to be here for a week, so I arranged to see her for lunch before she goes back on Sunday.”

“And the kiss… well I don’t know what your friend saw but I definately did not kiss my sister on the lips! I did kiss her on the cheek.”

“And the hand holding?” She bit back.

“You haven’t met my sister yet. Actually I haven’t spoken much about her because her relationship with me is still repairing. We haven’t spoken for years because she has been in an abusive relationship, and her husband wouldn’t let her see her family. She’s finally got some help to get out, and is moving back to my parent’s place.”

“Oh.” She didn’t seem convinced.

“And the hand holding, well I was comforting her and touching her hand — not holding it. She’s just left an awful situation.”

“Would you like to meet her?” He asked.

“Yes I would.” She replied.

So she met Cassandra, her partner’s sister. Her mind was put at ease.

She learned later that her friend had seen her partner and Cassandra at lunch, and assumed that he was having an affair. She hadn’t actually seen them kiss — saw him touching her hand and assumed.

So the number 1 Thing to NOT do in a relationship is ASSUME.

Assumptions Raise Doubts

Suspicions raise doubts in a relationship.

Do you have good cause to assume that your partner is cheating?

It’s so important that if you do suspect that your partner is cheating, that you raise this in a more assertive manner which doesn’t include accusatory emotional comments.

This may include bringing up things that you have found that your partner is doing that don’t add up.

It can be a surprise when you hear that your partner has been with another person that you don’t know — and of course you want to know who this other person is. Of course you should know.

But just because your partner talks to someone (maybe of the opposite sex), it doesn’t mean that they are cheating.

Allow them the opportunity to explain what is going on, and if it doesn’t add up then you can go into accusatory mode.

Assumptions can also cause problems in a relationship, and create issues that would otherwise not be there. Be aware of what assumptions are being made and whether they are viable before you begin accusing someone of cheating.

Gossipy Friends Who Meddle

If you have that one friend who is always gossiping about others. Perhaps they don’t like your partner, or want your partner for themselves.

So they create drama for you so that you will dump them. They saw your partner on the phone, he was smiling and laughing — but it wasn’t with you. He must be cheating.

These assumptions from friends who meddle are dangerous.

They are going to be no good for your relationship.

Don’t be afraid to question your friend about what they saw, or the information that they have heard. Not everyone is going to have your best interests.

In another article we will talk about how sometimes these accusations are correct, because as we know not everyone is going to be loyal. But I do believe that people deserve a chance to explain themselves.

What do you think about password sharing on your phone? Respond in the comments below. Do you think that partners should have free-range access to each other’s phones. Or should there be privacy?

(I’m sooo a privacy girl — especially being a therapist and confidentiality I wouldn’t allow my partner free-range access to my phone)

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Annette’s journey as a single mom for the past 11 years is truly inspiring. She made the brave choice to leave when her daughter was on the way and her son was just one. Being the sole provider, Annette has faced the challenges of single parenthood with unwavering determination, driven by her love for her children. Despite recent financial struggles, her dedication to counseling victims of narcissistic abuse and domestic violence reveals a heartfelt mission to make a positive impact in the lives of others.

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