Now We’re Believing in Black Male Stereotypes?

The gender wars are getting a little out of hand.

“They deserve what’s coming to them.”

My sister uttered those words to me while we spoke on the phone last night. I forgot how, but we got on the subject of interracial relationships.

She spoke about how it’s easier to find a good white man than a Black man. Then she began tearing Black men apart by using terrible stereotypes perpetuated by white people.

• “Black men always leave their partners to take care of their kids alone”
• “Black men are more abusive to Black women than white men”
• “The majority of Black men hate Black women”

When we start holding Black men accountable, we have to make sure we aren’t using stereotypes perpetuated by white people to do it.

I understand where my sister’s coming from.

We grew up in a single-parent household. Our dad just decided to leave our mom when we were very little.

We also come from the activist side of social media where this issue is brought up constantly.

I get it — some Black men are trash human beings.

But why are we taking the actions of a few Black men and making a mountain out of a molehill?

It’s weird.

I’m a Sociology major in college and we learned from the git that most Black men aren’t present in children’s lives NOT because they don’t care…

It’s because Black men are the most incarcerated demographic in America.

We also learned that proximity is the reason why most races are so violent to each other. This is why domestic violence rates are higher between Black men and women.

We also learned that Black men and white women ARE NOT the most common demographic to get married — it’s white and Hispanic people. Black men and Black women are still getting married at high rates.

Yet, my sister thinks I have no backbone because I’m “defending” Black men.

Look, Black men can fight their own battles. I’ve learned over the past year and a half how crucial it is for Black women to maintain their mental health.

I sit some of the mind-slicing battles online out. I just can’t do it.

I’m all for holding Black men accountable. I’m all for Black women standing up for themselves. I also understand that some Black men are just assholes.

But one thing I’m NEVER going to do is start using negative stereotypes placed on them when those are not the real facts.

If you’re going to critique Black men, then at least critique them factually.

I don’t really subscribe to gender wars anymore because I feel like it’s a tool of white supremacy to divide us.

I know Black men use this exact argument all the time to absolve themselves of their actions, but there’s some truth to this.

How is going back and forth between Black men and women going to help us?

I just think there are bigger fish to fry. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life crying over why Black men hate me. That’s not my cross to bear.

I want liberation for the entire Black community.

That includes Black men, Black LGBTQ+, Black women, Black children — everyone.

Black men should be held accountable, but we shouldn’t use terrible stereotypes to support our claims.

That’s an atomic bomb waiting to happen.

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