Now Is The Time To Give Yourself Bangs

Summary

The article humorously suggests that now, amidst the COVID-19 pandemic and quarantine, is an opportune moment to cut one's own bangs as a distraction from anxiety and the state of the world.

Abstract

In a light-hearted take on the stressful circumstances surrounding the COVID-19 outbreak, the article "Now Is The Time To Give Yourself Bangs" proposes that engaging in the act of cutting one's own bangs can serve as a welcome diversion from the ongoing health and economic crises. It emphasizes the irrelevance of professional tools or advice during this period, advocating for spontaneity and personal enjoyment over conventional wisdom about hair care. The author, who has a history of self-administered bang trims, presents a tongue-in-cheek guide to cutting bangs at home, downplaying the importance of traditional hairdressing norms and encouraging readers to embrace the freedom of quarantine to experiment with their appearance without fear of judgment.

Opinions

The author views giving oneself bangs as a strategic distraction from the anxiety caused by the pandemic and its consequences.
Professional hairstyling advice and tools are considered unnecessary and irrelevant in the current context.
The article dismisses the significance of face shape compatibility when choosing a bang style, suggesting that personal whim should take precedence.

Now Is The Time To Give Yourself Bangs

Amid the panic-inducing daily updates on our tanking economy, the rapid spread of COVID-19 and parents learning Tik Tok dances in quarantine, there is a beacon of hope: now is the perfect time to give yourself bangs.

Giving yourself bangs is truly a genius way to lead your growing anxiety astray. The moment you see your own hair falling into the sink, your worries will transition from all things coronavirus to, “OH FUCK WHAT DID I JUST DO TO MYSELF?”

We could not have asked for a better time to try out experimental haircuts — this quarantine could continue until summer. That is plenty of time to grow your hair back without your friends or coworkers having to see (just wear a beanie during your video calls).

Maybe you’re going for a short, Audrey-Tatou-in-Amélie type of bang, or a classic Zooey Deschanel fringe. You really can’t go wrong at this point. Others might say you indeed can go wrong, but this is 2020.

As someone who has been cutting her own bangs since age five (typically right before a major event like a wedding or graduation), I consider myself a bit of an at-home-bang-cutting aficionado.

Here are some tips on successfully giving yourself bangs during quarantine:

It doesn’t matter which scissors you use. Nothing matters anymore. Your kitchen shears are fine, and if the blades are blunt, like I said: nothing matters. Just make sure to sterilize your bang-cutting tool of choice beforehand.

Your hair should be dry when cutting, but you need to get your thrills somehow. Maybe switch it up and give yourself bangs with soaking wet hair, and see what that does.

Don’t listen to your friends or family, who will likely try to dissuade you from bangs. “Wait until this is all over, and go to a professional hairstylist,” they’ll say. “You haven’t been to cosmetology school,” they’ll say. Voices of reason were only relevant in the time before quarantine. Now all there is to do is follow your heart to Bang Town.

No need to research which bang type goes best with your face shape. That sort of premeditated research was for a simpler time when we had social lives and reputations to uphold. You need a distraction right now, one that is strong enough to eliminate your existential dread.

Your leftover hair can be swept up and then used to tape onto your cat’s head when you’re bored.