MADCAP HIJINX

Notice: I Have Gone Gallivanting

Forthwith, I shall be a flibbertigibbet

Dearest Management and Coworkers,

I apologize for the short notice, but I will not be attending work today. Or any future day. Believe me, I understand the importance of working evenings and weekends in this factory to manufacture promotional drink koozies. But I also, after 23 years of tireless service and a record of perfect punctiliousness, have come to the conclusion that it is time for me to go gallivanting.

Forthwith, I shall be a flibbertigibbet and make all decisions willy-nilly.

I understand this letter may find you flabbergasted and fuming. You may think me a nincompoop or see me as a scalawag for skedaddling. You may feel hoodwinked and bamboozled, think it bonkers or balderdash. Maybe you feel discombobulated, like the world has gone cattywampus. I don’t blame you for being cantankerous about my kooky scheme.

But whether you find it zany or cockamamie, my mind is made up. I’ll leave lickety-split and frolic in my finest frocks, festooned with every manner of frippery. I’ll lollygag languidly or have one hell of a hullabaloo. Either way, madcap hijinx will ensue.

What kind of shindig should start my shenanigans? Shall I host a hoedown or a hootenanny? Cause a bit of a brouhaha then commence some canoodling, decide on a doozy of a donnybrook, or shall it be a jamboree? I’ll revel in moonlit malarkey and poppycock in perpetuity.

And when I’m an old biddy still gallivanting, will woebegone whippersnappers call my ideas hogwash and hooey? Will they find it foolhardy flapdoodle? Or will a gaggle of them gleefully gallivant alongside me over all the glorious gardens of the globe?