“Not This” — Pay Attention to Difficult Emotions
(first posted Feb 2021)
“Not this” is a very important stage.
– Glennon Doyle, “Untamed”
If life is a classroom for personal and spiritual growth…
Then for me, January was some sort of accelerated learning curve in the curriculum of lessons.
And I’m not entirely sure I passed any of the tests
Three separate incidents occurred…but they all come back to the phrase: “Not this.”
If you haven’t read Glennon Doyle’s new book, “Untamed,” I highly recommend it.
“Not this,” writes Doyle, “is a very important stage. But knowing what we do not want is not the same as knowing what we do want. So how can we get from Not this to This instead? How can we move from feeling discontent to creating new lives and new worlds?”
Well, you’ll just have to read the book and find out
In the meantime, this blog is about the “Not this” stage.
Because being able to recognize what is not (or no longer) working for us is an integral step in discovering what will work.
What we are after is clarity.
“Clarity comes from engagement.”
– Marie Forleo, “Everything is Figureoutable”
And sometimes clarity comes from engaging with our own damn selves. But we may have to first learn how to listen to ourselves — our souls — when we hear the words: “Not this.” Problem is, of course, many of us don’t hear those exact words…yet. That would be too easy.
Rather, I think it is through our difficult and uncomfortable emotions that is our soul’s way of communicating to us the “Not this” message.
The more the intense the emotion, the more urgent the message.
When we experience difficult or uncomfortable feelings — such as anger, irritation, or frustration — I don’t think we’re supposed to run from them…or deny them by ignoring them or pretending they don’t exist. Instead, I think we are supposed to feel them…examine them, hold them up to the light to expose their ugliness…then get to the root of what is causing them.
Then we can either accept the situation that is causing them…or we can change it…or we can leave it.
This is not rocket science. So why is it so damn hard to do?
Because we are human. And being human is not easy. Nor is growth.
Never mind the fact that when we do find the courage to hear the “Not this” message (and actually listen to it), that inevitably means more change ahead…for ourselves and those around us (who may have a vested interest in us not changing).
Incident #1 — Anger
In early January, I had a conversation who friend who made a casual but insensitive remark that triggered…no, sparked…no, maybe ignited is a better term…
Okay…fine…her comment blew the f*#@&g lid off whatever semblance of serenity I had left…